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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 14:17 PM   1
Pink_Sparkle
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I didnt make it to work today :(


I was supposed to returning to work tonight for my first nightshift since I lost Freya. My supervisor phoned me to explain my sickline covered me today and I didnt need to return until tomorrow night...I just broke down on the phone

She said she personally thought it was far too soon for me to be returning to work. A few of my colleagues also texted to say they thought I was putting myself under too much pressure to return to work....they're totally right. I only buried my angel 2 weeks ago.

My work are going to arrange for me to see a counselor which is good.
I guess im not as strong as I thought.

Thanks for reading my ramble xx



 
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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 14:49 PM   2
confused2011
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You are strong and don't ever doubt that. The burden of losing our precious angels is more than most people can even bare. We are warriors. I just lost my little one 5 days ago and it hurts unbelievably but I am finding peace that something had to have been wrong and God didn't want him to suffer. I know we all find our peace at different points and I pray for you.



 
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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 14:53 PM   3
Pink_Sparkle
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Thanks Confused. I am so so sorry for your loss also. Its weird...I actually felt ok about going back to work until it came to actually getting ready to go to work I kinda feel like ive taken one step forward and two steps back. Maybe I just wasnt ready at all for that first step. xx



 
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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 15:06 PM   4
confused2011
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I think thats what this journey is like tho honestly. You think you get so far and then the next day your back where you were before.. Its never easy and we each just gotta find our path... however long that takes.



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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 15:56 PM   5
mhazzab
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I'm sorry you didn't make it in...
I think I said before, I actually took 20 weeks off (I qualified for my mat leave because one of my babies was born alive) and when I returned to work after all that time I still broke down and had to take another week off, and then work part time for the next month. I really admire you for trying to go back so soon but be gentle on yourself...you have been through What I hope will be the worst moments of your life, take time to deal with it and make sure you are truly ready, especially if you are in a stressful job x



 
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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 19:18 PM   6
jessandaj
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your even stronger then you thought you were dont be down on yourself because it takes a very strong person to admit when they just cant do something ill keep you in my thoughts



 
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Old Sep 16th, 2012, 23:20 PM   7
Beaglemama
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Pink_Sparkle please don't be hard on yourself sweetie. You have been though so much, and only 3 weeks ago. You can't rush your emotions or recovery (as much as we'd like to, I know!) Going back to work is really hard. It's like you're supposed to just go back to your old routine and it simply feels "wrong". This isn't how it's supposed to be... I really understand how you feel. But it doesn't mean you've taken a step back at all! Just feeling up to going back is great progress and you'll get there! I went back last week, and on my first morning back, I sat in my car in the parking lot crying, I thought I was going to be sick! Then I had a few good days, then a day where I had to rush to the bathroom at work and cry. This is a rollercoaster Hun. And you are handling it so well.

Take as much time as you need, and we are all here for you! Take care xxxx



 
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Old Sep 17th, 2012, 04:54 AM   8
Pink_Sparkle
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Thank you all for your kind replies. I guess because I had a few "ok" days where I wasnt breaking down crying doesnt mean I am ready to go back to work. With the nature of my job (I deal with emergency calls for the ambulance service). I deal with alot of distressing, stressful and unfortunately abusive calls. Normally this wouldnt bother me, Ive been doing it for 4 years and im normally thick skinned and strong minded..... I just couldnt emotionally deal with my calls just now Even the thought of stepping back in my control room is giving me jitters. My colleagues have been really supportive which is good.

In a way I feel like I am betraying Freya's memory by getting 'back to normal' so soon. I am hoping to speak to a counselor soon so that should help....hopefully. xxx



 
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Old Sep 17th, 2012, 05:00 AM   9
Andypanda6570
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After I lost Ava it took maybe a week for it to really hit me.I remember after I gave birth to her the nurse gave me a card for grief counseling and I thought to myself " I don't need this" Good God how wrong i was. And now a year & a half later I am better but those days still come when I just break down and I know it will probably always be this way. Take your time don't force yourself , you will be ok. The days of sadness are always there but it does get better after awhile, some happiness gets in between the sadness
It is still so early for you, you need time. Wishing you all the best..XOXO
Andrea



 
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Old Sep 17th, 2012, 05:10 AM   10
Pink_Sparkle
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Thank you for your kind words. When I think back to losing Freya, it was almost like it was someone else who went throughit....like it was a bad dream. How on earth did I get through that and not die of a broken heart?? I remember thinking a few days afterwards 'I think I am coping ok'...maybe it hadnt hit me properly? Or maybe it hits you hard again when you try to resume normal activities like work?? xxx



 
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