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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 03:46 AM   1
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16 weeks and no HB

I went in for my 16 week OB appointment today. Was so excited... The nurse couldn't find the HB with the doppler so she called in the nurse practitioner - who couldn't find it either. I was smiling, thinking this kid was ornery like his or her big brother. Then she pulled out the ultra sound machine. I was excited to get to see an ultra sound as one wasn't scheduled for today. Never occurred to me anything was wrong. She still couldn't find the heart beat though she was able to zoom in on the face... Which I guess should have worried me. But it didn't. So they called in the OB on call. Who probed and pushed on my pubic bone til it hurt. But I kept straining my ears, eagerly awaiting that sound, not caring about the mild discomfort. When the doctor turned to me and told me that she couldn't find the heart beat... and that there was no movement... That she had to confirm with the ultra sound department but it looked like the baby had "passed"... I didn't see it coming. At all. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I just slowly nodded like it was someone else's head bobbing up and down. It wasn't until I was sitting in the nurse practitioner's office, hearing her ordering an ultrasound to "confirm fetal demise" and calling my husband to leave him a voice mail that they couldn't find the baby's heart beat, and though it was dead, that I started to cry. And as soon as it started, it didn't stop. Now, hours and hours later my eyes hurt and my head hurts and I can't sleep.
I finally did get ahold of my husband. About three hours later. Of all days, today his phone died and he couldn't charge it. I stayed with a friend until he finally got out of work and my friend's husband went to get him personally for me. Good friends...
I haven't told anyone except my husband and of course, the friend who was in the waiting room with me. I think he's still in shock too. We talk but I don't think either of us hears anything. I've avoided my son all night. He's 8 and I for the life of me don't know how I am going to tell him. He was so excited... and every time he sees me he wants to "hug the baby." I just can't stand it.
I feel dead inside. Just formless and lifeless and shocked. I have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday to "discuss my options." I don't know exactly what that means. I don't think I want to think about it right now. I want them to tell me what happened, if I did something wrong. If I killed my baby somehow. I want to ask questions I'm not sure I want the answers to.
I'm not sure if it's normal to feel this way... but I just want the baby out of me. According to the ultrasound tech the baby's size indicates it "stopped growing" almost two weeks ago. Two weeks. I can't believe I had no idea. Two weeks I've spent talking to it and lovingly rubbing my belly, the whole time not knowing. I just feel... I don't know what. Betrayed maybe. By who I don't know...

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 05:49 AM   2
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I have no words that will make you feel better. I wish I did, and I wish I could make things ok for you. AllI can say is that I am so so sorry for your sad loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers


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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 06:52 AM   3
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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 07:23 AM   4
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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 08:19 AM   5
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So sorry Hun! Big

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 08:38 AM   6
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Mahoghani I am so, so sorry. 6 weeks ago I lost my little girl at 20 weeks along. We went in for a heartbeat check, and there was none. Then we had two ultrasounds to confirm she had passed... it's horrible. There are just no words and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

My daughter had also stopped developing 2 weeks prior to her passing away. It's such a shock. I understand how you feel, it's almost an "out of body" experience. When we first learned something was wrong... I don't even like thinking about it. The Dr came in and started talking about chromosome disorders and termination - I just stared at him. I heard someone saying "No" over and over again, before realizing it was me saying it.

I'm so sorry. But you're not alone. And how you feel, about wanting the baby out, is normal. As soon as we found out Madison had passed, I was given 2 options: go home or go to the hospital. I told the Dr I just wanted her out of me, I needed that. I had to. I love my daughter, our first child, more than anything, but knowing she had passed made it too painful to have her inside me. And it's just so unfair. Please write or private message anytime. Ask questions, vent, whatever you need to do. There's a lot of support on this forum and we're all here for you.

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 09:23 AM   7
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I had almost the same exact thing happen with me. I went in for my amnio, I was 40 at the time already had 3 boys 21, 18 and 12, this pregnancy was a complete shock for us definitely unplanned, we were done we already had 3.. But then we found out it was finally our little girl, Ava. Before the Amnio they gave me a sonogram and that is all i hear no heartbeat. When she first put the machine on my it turned blue and red, I still had a big smile on my face, had no idea something was wrong, then she ran out of the room to get the doctor, still I had no idea, thank God my best friend was with me that day. My best friend ran out of the room after her screaming what is wrong, still had no idea, I was telling my friend maybe she saw something and had to get to the doctor, my friend just stared at me with a blank face, she already knew what I didn't. the doctor came in and picked up the machine and tried 2x and said I am sorry the baby is gone. I screamed so loud and just was hysterical. I then had to go to my OBGYN that same day within the hour i went and they tried again 3x and he said I am sorry she is gone.I was 20 weeks. They set me up for what is called a D&E, I had to wait 3 days for the procedure all the while with Ava dead in me, it was horrible. I didn't make it to the hospital, i went into labor in my home( Which is what I wanted) I gave birth to Ava in my home went to the hospital, we held for some time , I was released after 3 hours, she was my 4th child and my labor was maybe 3 hours. We buried her on 3-11-2011. It has been a year & a half and I am still not ok , this has been the worst pain I could ever imagine. I am so deeply sorry this happened to you. it breaks my heart every time someone new comes in these forums If it was not for the beautiful women in these sections , i don't know what i would have done. Please know we are here for you anytime, day or night, just shoot me a private message anytime and I will talk with you. It wont be easy the days ahead, so try to be gentle on yourself, you did nothing wrong , you did NOT cause this, with Ava they said it was most likely a chromosomal abnormality, they tested her cells I waited for 6 weeks, only for them to tell me her cells did not grow. So really i will never know why she died. My heart aches for you, cause I know what you are going through and all you will go through, please let us help you in any way we can. All My Love, Andrea

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 10:11 AM   8
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So sorry for your lose hun

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 10:57 AM   9
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I am so sorry to hear your loss. Its been a week since I Had to deliver Daymian. My situation seemed to happen because I was infect with paravirus B19. I was 24 weeks and 5 days when we found out Daymian no longer had a hard beat. There is no handbook to go through things like these, so take it each day by each day and handle it any way you can. I miss my lil Daymian every day that goes by. Thankfully they had started the delivery process mear hours after we found out. God Bless you and your family

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Old Sep 19th, 2012, 13:14 PM   10
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Oh Hun, I am so sorry

Nothing I say at this moment will make you feel better. I just wanted to give you a
If you need to some support and comfort please turn to one of the lovely ladies here or myself. I found the love and support here gave me the strength to see each day through as hard as it was xx

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16 , hb , weeks

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