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Old Feb 19th, 2013, 04:41 AM   11
Andypanda6570
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I don't know what I am doing on March 3rd, just crying and going to this horrible cemetery and bringing balloons again?

I did order a special little graphic from Carly Marie she makes beautiful things only for our lost little babies-children. I will probably just sit alone and cry like I always do, wishing someone could take my pain away.

I can't believe this is my life now? WTF did I do-we do to deserve this



 
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Old Mar 4th, 2013, 20:58 PM   12
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You Are NOT Alone


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Originally Posted by 3xscharmer View Post
Just don't want to feel alone I guess because misery loves company and I am so friggin miserable!
You are not alone, I have been in the exact position that you are in. Actually, I am still experiencing just what you are describing. Although, within my dreams, I see my little girl growing up and I am with her father, just the perfect little family and I wake up upset. The smallest things that resemble a pregnancy or a baby, kills me. So, I understand and empathize with you. I lost my little girl Scarlet Chelsea, back in July but did not actually starting dealing with my loss of her until late October. I had recurring nightmares for the week surrounding her due date, as well as the day of which she was conceived, and the day I found out and all the little memories that I have memorized that seem insignificant. I am so sorry for your loss and I am here to talk if you need to.



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Old Mar 13th, 2013, 14:27 PM   13
gnomette
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My dreams came back what did you do to make them stop I wake up sweaty an like I have just run miles with no water my mouth is so dry what did you do to stop it all x



 
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Old Mar 13th, 2013, 15:54 PM   14
Andypanda6570
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gnomette View Post
My dreams came back what did you do to make them stop I wake up sweaty an like I have just run miles with no water my mouth is so dry what did you do to stop it all x


They will eventually stop, i think that comes when acceptance comes. It probably took me a good 6 to 8 months to finally accept my Ava's death. I dreamed of having a girl, after 3 boys it was only natural for me. It was 12 yrs since I had a baby my boys were 21, 19 and 12 when i got pregnant by accident at the age of 40. Finally got my little girl and then in an instance she was gone, it is just devastating. I think acceptance comes to us at different times, it will come for you. If you ever need to talk I am always here XOXO Andrea



 
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Old Mar 19th, 2013, 14:11 PM   15
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I don't know how this works yet, so I'm hoping it isn't rude of me to get into a conversation that's already been started.

The experience I have with nightmares happend after my miscarriage, in 2010, I'd dream that was delivering a baby [i'm a ob/gyn, please don't hate on this you guys, I know some doctors are really shitty... but I don't think i've ever EVER mistreated a patient of mine.] and the mother didn't have a face, somehow I knew it was me, and I tried and tried and I just couldn't do it... finally, when the baby came out it would be dead. And that was when i'd wake up crying and shivering. it happend constantly right in the first months after the miscarriage and three times in the due date week.

With my second loss it hasn't happend since I can only sleep with heavy medication.



 
Old Mar 21st, 2013, 11:07 AM   16
Andypanda6570
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Originally Posted by missdion View Post
I don't know how this works yet, so I'm hoping it isn't rude of me to get into a conversation that's already been started.

The experience I have with nightmares happend after my miscarriage, in 2010, I'd dream that was delivering a baby [i'm a ob/gyn, please don't hate on this you guys, I know some doctors are really shitty... but I don't think i've ever EVER mistreated a patient of mine.] and the mother didn't have a face, somehow I knew it was me, and I tried and tried and I just couldn't do it... finally, when the baby came out it would be dead. And that was when i'd wake up crying and shivering. it happend constantly right in the first months after the miscarriage and three times in the due date week.

With my second loss it hasn't happend since I can only sleep with heavy medication.
I am SO sorry for your losses I also need medication now to sleep. It is just something i need or I will be up all night. I think of Ava and then some things that has happened and I just talk in my sleep and toss and turn, it is horrible. I would just rather take a pill and sleep through all this sadness . If you ever need a friend I am always here, Andrea



 
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Old Mar 21st, 2013, 13:58 PM   17
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i'm sorry for your loss too!

and yeah, the medication helps. the problem is, when i take it (pretty much every night) I feel dizzy the entire day... really dizzy, like I`m about to faint.
for now, it doesn`t matter, I don`t even wanna get out of bed anyways, but...

I`m already scared for when I`ll have to go back to work... cause, the dosage will HAVE to go down so I`ll be able to function... and I feel like it`s gonna be one hell of a struggle.



 
Old Mar 21st, 2013, 16:00 PM   18
Andypanda6570
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missdion View Post
i'm sorry for your loss too!

and yeah, the medication helps. the problem is, when i take it (pretty much every night) I feel dizzy the entire day... really dizzy, like I`m about to faint.
for now, it doesn`t matter, I don`t even wanna get out of bed anyways, but...

I`m already scared for when I`ll have to go back to work... cause, the dosage will HAVE to go down so I`ll be able to function... and I feel like it`s gonna be one hell of a struggle.
Maybe you can take it like 2 hrs before bed time and that might help with the dizziness. I just take the Xanax, it puts me right out. I take it like 7:30 and I am out by 10 10:30 pm/ If I take it during the day I also feel dizzy and exhausted. It is going to be a struggle , but you will get through this, never over it, but through it and we all are here to help, I promise.
XOXOXOOXOX



 
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Old Mar 21st, 2013, 16:37 PM   19
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Thanks... it's really nice of you!


yeah, things got a little more complicated with me, i had a few panic attacks that got pretty bad, so my stuff is a little heavier, i'm taking sertraline and rivotril (clonazepam). If i don't take it i start shaking and hyperventilating...

And i can't really seem nervous around patients, i work with pregnant women (yaaay me!) they need to trust me otherwise they freak out... so... i don't know what i'm gonna do about that! :S



 
Old Mar 21st, 2013, 17:25 PM   20
Andypanda6570
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missdion View Post
Thanks... it's really nice of you!


yeah, things got a little more complicated with me, i had a few panic attacks that got pretty bad, so my stuff is a little heavier, i'm taking sertraline and rivotril (clonazepam). If i don't take it i start shaking and hyperventilating...

And i can't really seem nervous around patients, i work with pregnant women (yaaay me!) they need to trust me otherwise they freak out... so... i don't know what i'm gonna do about that! :S
OMG that must be so hard being around pregnant women in the beginning days of my loss I would not been able to have done that. As long as the medication is helping then take it , how long are you taking it? I go on and off of mine , most days I am ok but I have those days when I am just very sad..
It is just horrible



 
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