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Old Mar 23rd, 2013, 19:05 PM   31
3xscharmer
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AFM - don't know if I mentioned the adoption on here, but it fell through, it just didn't feel right. DH and I are going to ttc soon and I am excited and hopeful, so I think that means I am ready now. I just don't think I was full on ready to give up ttc and go the adoption route yet. Things seem to be going okay, I can laugh now, but even while laughing I still feel that sadness, it's always there, even when I'm happy Zane's always missing. I have found that having something to focus on really helps, DH let me pick out a new ring for our 5 year wedding anniversary coming up in May because he felt I deserve it! So it is replacing my wedding set and it took over a month to find but I love it. I recently started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and ripped in 30, so focusing on that is helping too. I know I'm rambling here, just not sure what to say at the moment other than the usual...THIS STILL FRIGGIN SUCKS! I'm still hurt, angry, emotional and in so much pain that it hurts to breathe...but that qualifies as being ok right? Bad humor lol! I am adjusting to this level of pain and it is becoming a part of me and in truth I am thankful for it as aside from his ashes, pain is my constant reminder that Zane was here and the love I felt for him is never ending. Hope you gals are doing as okay as you can



 
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Old Mar 24th, 2013, 10:03 AM   32
gnomette
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It will be a year in may an the dreams they just are getting worse turning into flash backs at times its odd x
it sounds to me like your taking some really positive steps to keep going an yay for the new wedding ring set x we started ttc in September an still trying lol but only one tube has its disadvantages lol more bad humour lol
I hope that it doesn't take you too long x



 
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Old Mar 25th, 2013, 02:50 AM   33
Mahoghani
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Sometimes I have this feeling like something is wrong and I can't put my finger on it. Sometimes it's to the point of panic, like if I don't figure out what it is something horrible is going to happen. Then I realize what it is. It's the pain. Just kinda lingering around the edges of everything else going on in my life. Just hanging out there... I know what you mean by it just becomes a part of you and you learn to live with it. And that it is almost welcome because it is a reminder that my baby was here. The bad dreams come and go, seemingly for no reason. I'm getting used to them too. I thought they'd go away after his due date passed. They didn't. Not entirely. They're less frequent, more sporadic but they still pop up probably once a week or so.
I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I wish I didn't have to say that. I've said it so many times and meant it every time but the frequency seems like it makes it mean less. But I am, so sorry. I wish none of us had to endure this pain.



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2013, 18:38 PM   34
3xscharmer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gnomette View Post
It will be a year in may an the dreams they just are getting worse turning into flash backs at times its odd x
it sounds to me like your taking some really positive steps to keep going an yay for the new wedding ring set x we started ttc in September an still trying lol but only one tube has its disadvantages lol more bad humour lol
I hope that it doesn't take you too long x
My dreams have been really nice lately, I think my subconscious knows I can't handle it right now. I'm sorry about the flashbacks, I hope they ease off soon. I imagine as I approach Zane's 1st b-day the dreams will be back If I haven't said so before, I am so sorry for your loss.
Love the bad humor, sometimes it's all we have lol! Hope that it doesn't take you long either, getting pregnant isn't usually hard for me, keeping them seems to be the biggest problem and test after test after test all say we're normal...uggh!

So, is there a group for us ttc after second tri loss anywhere?



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2013, 18:42 PM   35
3xscharmer
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Originally Posted by Mahoghani View Post
Sometimes I have this feeling like something is wrong and I can't put my finger on it. Sometimes it's to the point of panic, like if I don't figure out what it is something horrible is going to happen. Then I realize what it is. It's the pain. Just kinda lingering around the edges of everything else going on in my life. Just hanging out there... I know what you mean by it just becomes a part of you and you learn to live with it. And that it is almost welcome because it is a reminder that my baby was here. The bad dreams come and go, seemingly for no reason. I'm getting used to them too. I thought they'd go away after his due date passed. They didn't. Not entirely. They're less frequent, more sporadic but they still pop up probably once a week or so.
I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I wish I didn't have to say that. I've said it so many times and meant it every time but the frequency seems like it makes it mean less. But I am, so sorry. I wish none of us had to endure this pain.
I feel like that too, it doesn't always immediately register WHY I'm in pain, only that I AM in pain and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I hope your dreams treat you kindly, it just sucks, one of my worst was where I spent the entire dream looking for my son and couldn't find him, when I woke up I just felt so lost and I REALLY FELT that intense panic until I remembered why I couldn't find him. It sucks. Thank you and so very sorry for your loss too, I say that a lot as well but I always mean it to, you made me cry!



 
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