On 12/14/12 I was forced to by the hospital to say good bye to my sweet baby gir Catalina who was at 22 Weeks. My pregnancy had been tough starting at almost 12 Weeks. I was hemmorhaging every week until 16 Weeks then the bleeding calmed down until 18 then started hemmorhaging again. I had 5 blood transfusions and was sent home on total bedrest. On 12/12 I hemmorhaged really bad but this time was different I was n so much pain and had alot of pressure. I got to the hospital and needed 8 more Transfusions. The Dr said I had to deliver the baby because,my water broke and she wouldnt make it to viability. And I was in danger of losing my uterus do to all the bleeding. And infection. I almost lost my life. I wanted to deliver my daughter vaginally but when they did the ultrasound my placenta was over the cervix, they said I had to have a d&e. I was so devastated because my daughters heart was so,strong at 158 bpm and she was kicking like crazy. On 12/14,they scheduled my surgery. I remember being wheeled into the OR and my daughter was still kicking. its been 2 months and I cant cope with what happened. I did get to hold my baby when I woke up but it was so quik and I was drugged up that they let me see her face only. I feel so guilty because my body failed her. My Lil girl was fighting for her life all the way. I dont even know where to begin to heal. We had her cremated and brought her home. We will be putting her to rest at our cemetary on her due date in April. I just could let her go right away. Im just lost. and thank you for letting me tell my story.
I am so very sorry for your lost. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It caught my eye because virtually the same thing happend to me just one day before. I prematurely delivered our daughter on December 13, 2012 at 21 weeks. Just like your little girl, her heartbeat was strong and I could feel her moving all around as these people are telling me that I was 6 cm. dialted and my sac was bulging...I was in labor and it could not be reversed. They tried to stop the contractions but they only slowed but never stopped. They brought in the head doctor from the NICU to explain how he would not be able to save her. I too felt like my body was kicking her out...she was going to die and everyone knew it but her, it all seemed so crule.
In a strange way I guess I thought of you because the next day, as I laid in the hospital getting blood transfusions, I thought "who is going through this today? " "What other family has been blindsighted like we were?" Please know that I completely know how you feel. We also had Zoi cremated, held a small lakeside memorial service and brought her home. Does your hospital offer any kind of support for infant loss? My husband and I recently finished a seven week H.E.A.L group session for infant loss (with 6 other couples) and it was extremely helpful. If not, you may want to see if there are similar support groups in your area that may not be associated with the hospital. Hugs to you and your family.
so sorry, I lost my son Zane at 17 weeks in September, hope you are getting the support you need. RIP baby Catalina, fly high with the angels. I hope you find the peace and healing in the coming months.
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