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Old Apr 14th, 2015, 14:50 PM   1
On a break (TTC)
New BnB member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 1

Loss with No Support :(

I lost my baby at 15 weeks; during my first pregnancy. It started as a normal pregnancy, I was super excited and looking forward to being a new mom.

Unfortunately the father didn't feel the same way and our relationship was bad from the start. The whole logistics of the situation were nontraditional, it seemed that I was the only one happy for things.

Long story short, he made an already difficult experience, one of the worst experiences of my life. Since the loss of our child, I haven't been able to channel my emotions appropriately. I hate him, but at the same time I don't. I am angry all the time and no one seems to understand.

I can't bring myself to hate him, because 1) i'm not a vindictive hateful person, 2) I believe in forgiveness, and 3) our child was OUR child and I feel that if I hate him, then I hate apart of what was ours.

My best friend doesn't even get it. She thinks that I'm "dwelling," and need to just let it go. In fact, I've heard from several people, to "just let it go." Of course, all from people that have no idea what it's like to lose a baby or people who simply just don't care; including my family.

I went through everything pretty much alone and now I'm dealing with my feelings. The only solution to how I feel is shutting myself out from the world and that isn't rational.

I just need support.

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Old Apr 14th, 2015, 19:02 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,436
So sorry to hear of your loss and lack of support. I don't think anyone can understand a loss unless they have suffered themselves. Did the hospital give you any information on support groups or help lines? I am in a couple of groups on facebook. may be worth a try. xx

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Old May 31st, 2015, 07:39 AM   3
Trying to conceive (TTC)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Seattle, Washington, USA
Posts: 26
I'm sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby at 15 weeks in December and had very little support. It's hard and made me feel bitter. But I know it's not healthy to hold grudges so I just tell myself that I have to be healthy (mentally and physically) for my next baby.

Just know you're not alone. We're here for you.

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Old May 31st, 2015, 13:33 PM   4
Left wonderin
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 8,608
I'm sorry for your losses , I had support of oh with mine but it didn't stop the internal rage I felt . Anger is part of healing .. Part of grieveing . I remember being soooo angry ALL the time . I'm not that type of person at all !! It made me soo upset .
Hang in there it does get better with time . Soon your good days will outnumber the bad ones . The anger subsides and you can remember your LO without feeling fury .
I also think its so so hard for oh to relate to what we have lost and been through . Xxx

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