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Old Jul 17th, 2015, 10:54 AM   41
LDC
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Originally Posted by lizlemon View Post
I'm in the uk too, we lost our little girl just before Christmas 2011 and we also had to wait ages. I think her body was released about 5 weeks later and the gentetic tests came back about 3 months later. The wait is a killer. One way we found solace was to go to Rome on a mini break during half term (I was a teacher at the time) and it made me realise life can be good again xxx
I'm sorry for your loss , especially just before Xmas. I think the wait is going to send me over the edge a little bit if I'm honest. I think we will ntnp if I'm honest in the mean time, or at least after af has arrived. Otherwise were likely to have another baby around the same time Reuben was due and I really couldn't handle that. He was due a week before Dds 3rd birthday. I was kinda hoping to catch again before the end of the year to at least try for a summer baby. I just don't know if I'm being irresponsible if by some miracle I was able to catch before the genetics come back xx



 
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Old Jul 17th, 2015, 17:18 PM   42
Jessicahide
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After we lost frazer I was a mum with no baby and it was so overwhelming I had to get pregnant asap, it as hard as essentially I was pregnant for two years and it took its toll emotionally and physically but it was the only choice for me.. Frazer was born 30 Aug 2005 and Alexander was born 11 July 2006!



 
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Old Jul 18th, 2015, 03:38 AM   43
lizlemon
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I caught approx 4 months after the loss - surprised as we had done ivf for the last 2 years.... My Edd was around same time as my loss date, that was hard as the first anniversary was 10 days after Eve's birth. I have to say the pregnancy was wracked full of guilt of wanting a new baby and then dealing with a new born and the anniversary was very hard and a bit of a mind f&&k. However that eased off quickly for me and eve helped healed my heart for me.

Also I was never seen by a brevment midwife and if I wanted councilling it would have been up to me to find, plus I had to be strong for dh who did not cope well with our loss and I needed to be the strong one...... I'm glad time has now passed though it bubbles back to the surface every now and again esp when you have to go through it with medical people with this new pregnacy xxx



 
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Old Jul 18th, 2015, 07:19 AM   44
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Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
After we lost frazer I was a mum with no baby and it was so overwhelming I had to get pregnant asap, it as hard as essentially I was pregnant for two years and it took its toll emotionally and physically but it was the only choice for me.. Frazer was born 30 Aug 2005 and Alexander was born 11 July 2006!
I think I feel the same in a way, in terms of it being the choice. I guess I'm just worried if the genetics turn round and say that it's something that could happen again and how I'd feel with the guilt of that. I spoke to oh about it yesterday in bed - he said for me to let him know when I'm ready to be intimate again. I think I'm ready now, but can't because of the bleeding, I just want that closeness. I told him that I don't want to use protection when we do - we never have before (well I was on the pill but I'm not going to go back on that when we want to ttc) and it seems a bit weird.

Did it affect you conceiving so soon after Frazer? Think oh is worried about me being upset Xxx



 
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Old Jul 18th, 2015, 07:25 AM   45
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I caught approx 4 months after the loss - surprised as we had done ivf for the last 2 years.... My Edd was around same time as my loss date, that was hard as the first anniversary was 10 days after Eve's birth. I have to say the pregnancy was wracked full of guilt of wanting a new baby and then dealing with a new born and the anniversary was very hard and a bit of a mind f&&k. However that eased off quickly for me and eve helped healed my heart for me.

Also I was never seen by a brevment midwife and if I wanted councilling it would have been up to me to find, plus I had to be strong for dh who did not cope well with our loss and I needed to be the strong one...... I'm glad time has now passed though it bubbles back to the surface every now and again esp when you have to go through it with medical people with this new pregnacy xxx
That's amazing to have conceived so quickly. Thank you for sharing how you felt, I think that's all the things that oh is worried about. I feel like I need a focus point, especially with Reuben being so so wanted. I don't want to be scared of trying again, even though I think I'll always be scared if I were to fall pregnant again, particularly losing Reuben so late on.

I'm so glad Eve helped the healing process xx



 
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Old Jul 18th, 2015, 07:31 AM   46
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LDC,

Thank you so much for your reply to my post this morning. Hearing someone tell me I can make it through this funeral means a lot right now.

Our OB said we could have intercourse as soon as the bleeding stopped (didn't put an exact date on it). We started being intimate (without vaginal sex) within a couple of days after birth. I know, it sounds crazy, but I was feeling so, so alone and even just kissing, etc. was so comforting to me (and DH). I really don't think it's irresponsible to be (at least mildly) intimate at the moment!

Just a thought on that comment :-);-). So, you are waiting on the autopsy results before organizing a funeral? That must be so hard, just to be in limbo like that. Gardening sounds like a great activity though! At least it gets you outside a bit. I have mostly been in our bedroom or cleaning the house. I should get out too...

Hugs, Cee
It definitely doesn't sound crazy, I found it comforting last night to be close with oh and just be "normal" although it did also make me strangely emotional too. I'm going to wait until the bleeding stops to have full sex, no one mentioned this to me so thank you for sharing what you were told, it really helps. The bleeding seems to have slowed down a little now, I'm hoping by the end of the week it will have stopped.

It's a week today since I went into hospital to deliver - I can't understand where the time has gone, yet the memory is like I could be delivering again right this second if I close my eyes.

I saw a family member this morning with their newborn. Gah it broke my heart.

Xx



 
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Old Jul 18th, 2015, 15:49 PM   47
Jessicahide
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Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
After we lost frazer I was a mum with no baby and it was so overwhelming I had to get pregnant asap, it as hard as essentially I was pregnant for two years and it took its toll emotionally and physically but it was the only choice for me.. Frazer was born 30 Aug 2005 and Alexander was born 11 July 2006!
I think I feel the same in a way, in terms of it being the choice. I guess I'm just worried if the genetics turn round and say that it's something that could happen again and how I'd feel with the guilt of that. I spoke to oh about it yesterday in bed - he said for me to let him know when I'm ready to be intimate again. I think I'm ready now, but can't because of the bleeding, I just want that closeness. I told him that I don't want to use protection when we do - we never have before (well I was on the pill but I'm not going to go back on that when we want to ttc) and it seems a bit weird.

Did it affect you conceiving so soon after Frazer? Think oh is worried about me being upset Xxx
To be honest I think Alexander is the reason I survived, I was terrified the whole time and I felt like at any main I would lose him too, even after he was here but, I don't know where I would have been without him, I had so much love and mybabby was gone soi spent my days feeling like my heart would give up because it was so broken, I screamed and sobbed when AF arrived.... I just couldn't face what had happened with the emptiness .I was pregnant in 8 weeks after losing Frazer, but it was the longest 8 weeks of my life...



 
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Old Jul 19th, 2015, 04:44 AM   48
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Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
After we lost frazer I was a mum with no baby and it was so overwhelming I had to get pregnant asap, it as hard as essentially I was pregnant for two years and it took its toll emotionally and physically but it was the only choice for me.. Frazer was born 30 Aug 2005 and Alexander was born 11 July 2006!
I think I feel the same in a way, in terms of it being the choice. I guess I'm just worried if the genetics turn round and say that it's something that could happen again and how I'd feel with the guilt of that. I spoke to oh about it yesterday in bed - he said for me to let him know when I'm ready to be intimate again. I think I'm ready now, but can't because of the bleeding, I just want that closeness. I told him that I don't want to use protection when we do - we never have before (well I was on the pill but I'm not going to go back on that when we want to ttc) and it seems a bit weird.

Did it affect you conceiving so soon after Frazer? Think oh is worried about me being upset Xxx
To be honest I think Alexander is the reason I survived, I was terrified the whole time and I felt like at any main I would lose him too, even after he was here but, I don't know where I would have been without him, I had so much love and mybabby was gone soi spent my days feeling like my heart would give up because it was so broken, I screamed and sobbed when AF arrived.... I just couldn't face what had happened with the emptiness .I was pregnant in 8 weeks after losing Frazer, but it was the longest 8 weeks of my life...
I can imagine how long those 8 weeks felt, I'm really hoping af arrives soon after I stop bleeding. Everything is bitter sweet though, my milk came in and it hurt me emotionally, then it went and that hurt too. It's like nothing can win. I think I'll be the same with the bleeding; sad that it's here because of what it means but then sad when it goes and knowing my body has recovered. It's so surreal.

I'm so glad you have Alexander, he sounds like your saviour and I'm thrilled for you, especially after losing Frazer.

It's been a week today since Reuben was born, feeling strange today. It's the first day I've agreed to see anyone who isn't family (I've literally seen my dad and my in laws) and I know I need to push through and see people. There are still friends who don't even know because I've not seen them or told them. I just keep going back to last week in my head, it's difficult.

Xx



 
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Old Jul 19th, 2015, 07:07 AM   49
lizlemon
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Big hug, very early days still and will be hard for a few weeks, things like going shopping get you as you suddenly see hundreds of preggos around, sometimes you feel the world will implode. But day by day you get stronger, try to tell people ASAP as each time it takes it all up again, we waited till after Xmas to tell people and it was hard xxx



 
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Old Jul 19th, 2015, 11:32 AM   50
Jessicahide
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Don't push yourself too much a week is such a short amount of time! He very much is my saviour its been 10 years this year since Frazer was born and I still have not come to terms with it! None of us ever will xxxx how died you feel seeing others today xx



 
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