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Old Jan 4th, 2016, 18:25 PM   11
jinxii
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Thanks everyone. This is absolutely killing me. It feels like I've lost all my hopes and dreams for the future as well as a huge part of myself. And the amount of stupid things people say is crazy. My brother compared it to his baby chicks dying. And everyone keeps asking if we're trying again. My daughter died less than a week ago. I have no idea if we're trying again. I can't take this twice! I'm trying to get back to normal for husbands sake, but right now I don't think I ever will.



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Old Jan 5th, 2016, 02:42 AM   12
Left wonderin
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Jinxi unless you have been there it is so difficult to truley understand the loss of a LO . I don't think people mean to be insensitive or cruel but they just don't think or realise what they are saying . Its so hard to deal with . You have suffered an enormous loss , a life changing event . It is so important to take the time to grieve the loss of your daughter whatever way you need to for however long it takes . This is not something you just " get over " or move on from . What I can promise is it does get better over time ...... Not today or tommrow but one day in the future you will notice that there is the " odd" good day where you actually manage a real smile . Before long the good days start to outnumber the bad . That was my experience anyhow but it takes time . For now take every hour as it comes and do what YOU need to get through that hour . It will vary !!!
Hang in there , your daughter will always be with you and a part of your life xxxxxx



 
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Old Jan 5th, 2016, 03:16 AM   13
LDC
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People often say things because they think in some strange way they're doing the right thing or helping you, when in actual fact they're speaking out of their ass. You have to ignore people, honestly sometimes it's the only way. I had a lot of crap spouted at me after losing ds, things like "it obviously wasn't meant to be" and "sometimes things don't work out", even now they think a new baby will replace ds and make me forget.

You are never, ever going to forget Saffron and neither should you. She was your beautiful much wanted baby. She is yours, and sometimes when people haven't been through it, they can't connect not seeing a baby not meaning that there never was one. People don't understand the grief and the connections we make with our baby from conception, we carry them and our love is instantaneous.

Please be kind to yourself, focus on your grief in whatever way helps and there is no rush to think about having another baby. That decision is completely yours. I would encourage you to just not keep anything bottled up and deal with whatever emotion the day throws at you.

Please message me if you ever want to chat xxx



 
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Old Jan 6th, 2016, 07:57 AM   14
Wriggley
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I'm so sorry for your loss Hun you are in my thoughts xxx



 
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Old Jan 6th, 2016, 13:53 PM   15
chistiana
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I agree with the other ladies hun, even my husband, after we lost our third said "why are you so upset, we have the other 2".. I could easily divorce him..people just can't realize the amount of grief..they don't mean bad I can assure you..don't try to be ok just for hubby, hubby can probably take more than you right now even though his heart is broken too, talk to him, you need your time to grieve, feeling like you HAVE to move on just adds pressure right now..i remember that day I actually gave a true smile..it will come...praying for some peace



 
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Old Jan 11th, 2016, 16:04 PM   16
jinxii
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I'm definitely not okay and break down crying at the most random times. So does my husband. He is more okay than I am, but once in a while it hits him. And he has decided he needs to finish remodeling the nursery since it is half done. Just the basics, get the rest of the flooring in, baseboards, etc. I'm not ready to even open the door to that room. The night it happened, he came home to give the dog his medication and grab me some things for my hospital stay. While he was home, he took every baby related item in the house and put it in the nursery and closed the door.

I did suddenly go from never wanting to try again to wanting it more than anything.. I got in contact with my fertility specialist and he wants me to wait two months before going back on medication. Somehow two months is feeling like forever. I knew I would have to wait a bit but wanted to have a game plan in place. We have wanted a baby for so long... we're not quite ready to give up on the dream. Husband actually seemed to know I would want to do this again before I could even consider it. When I told him I think I want to do this again, he just said "I know". He's the kind of guy who will do absolutely anything to make me happy. I'm worried he is just willing to try again for my sake.



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Old Jan 11th, 2016, 16:26 PM   17
~curiosity~
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I am so sorry for your loss Hun. You are stronger than you know, and she will always be your firstborn no matter what xx



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2016, 12:20 PM   18
chistiana
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It doesn't matter if he's doing this for your sake..I went from never wanting to try again to being completely obsessed with trying..my husband wanted to take it easy but he understood my need and just went along..we spend our last 6 years going through pregnancies, miscarriages, surgeries and of course having babies..last night he thanked me for my obsession to keep trying right now as vain as this might sound it is all about you. How you feel and what you want. Of course it's a decision to take together, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that his feelings or opinion doesn't matter, but you lost your baby girl and I can't imagine anything more difficult so if you feel ready then you should go for it.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2016, 20:56 PM   19
vermeil
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There are no words to express the pain of losing a child... please be gentle on yourself *hugs*



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Old Jan 12th, 2016, 22:48 PM   20
Andypanda6570
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I am so sorry for your loss.. it's devastating .. XO



 
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