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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 19:32 PM   11
BunnyN
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I agree that is a lovely quote.



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 01:46 AM   12
Left wonderin
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I agree too and its more than fine it doesn't go away as you will find that you will want to remember as it gives testimony to your son .
Its not ok now ,your not ok now but trust that you will be .
For now just do what you need to do to get through each hour ,each day . You are grieveing and will go though every emotion . Its normal so don't let it scare you. Scream when you have to , cry , hide under the duvet whatever it takes to get through .

One day you will notice you smiled without having to think about it , then a laugh will come . One day you will notice " oh today wasn't too bad .... Then over time and slowly you will notice that the good days start outweighing the bad and the pain becomes bearable and not so raw .

You will never ever forget and you won't want to . Remember Nathan on his special days . He will live on in your heart forever in a very special way , will always be your first born and your son xxxxxx



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 07:56 AM   13
millianaire
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you ladies are inspirational.....


I lay there at night and me and my partner both say goodnight to nathan, everyday i try and distract myself from the pain that i have been through, my friend msged me and told me her story of a fullterm still birth, it really put nathan into perspective, even though my loss was/is hardi couldnt imagine how i would of done full term loss my heart breaks thinking about it, the quote was lovely.... and i don't know how you have all managed to stay so strong i have amazing support around me. I think the hardest part for me is the waiting for post mortem results now to find out if my little boy suffered or whether it was me, i may never get the results i want but at least i can have a bit of closure and concentrate on the next step whether it be trying again or having to look to adopt. Im not going to give up my fight for a family sometimes it just feels like god is telling me i dont deserve one and i dont know why i dont have a career i love my job just plod along i have holidays every year but is that enough for a lifetime? and probably get married one day. thankyou all for your support today is a better day from when i first wrote this post, i will be flying to thailand on saturday for a distraction break im sure the 15hour flight will give me plenty of time to think about my little angel in the sky. Do you ladies say your a angel mum? do you consider these losses as children? a mean person i know said 'its not really a baby though its a fetus' heartbreaker i know just wanted to know what your opinions are???



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 08:21 AM   14
Ashaford
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I am glad to hear you are feeling better. I hope you enjoy your time in Thailand. Just be patient with yourself. Know that you have thousands of women to comfort you if you need it. A friend gave me a book called "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" - it's a daily devotional that helps you along the way. It really helped me get through some of the tough times.

Regarding your question about angel moms, I believe you are a mother as soon as you see that positive pregnancy test. You immediately change the way you eat, sleep and maybe even exercise. You are caring for a little person growing inside you. I think most people that think of our babies as a "fetus" are either male or have never experienced the joy of pregnancy. I am a proud mother of an angel.



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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 08:59 AM   15
StillPraying
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As Dr. Suess once wrote, "A person's a person, no matter how small."

I lost my son at 15 weeks. I refer to him as my son, because even though he was only with me for 15 weeks, he was mine and I knew him. I felt like God was punishing me for something, and still sometimes feel that way. But I have started to come to terms with that.

You most definitely are a mother, even if your babies are not here on this earth.



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 09:24 AM   16
Left wonderin
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Your son was most definetly a baby , a person , your son . You are a mum ,



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 09:25 AM   17
BunnyN
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I agree. You are a mum as soon as you see the positive test. I think a loss is a loss no matter at what point it happens. There are things that must be so much harder about a full term loss for example but there are also things that are hard about a first or second tri loss. I think in some ways the earlier your loss the less people understand and the lonelier it can feel. I am blessed with two children who are 3.5 and 1.5. Of course your love grows as they grow and you get to know them and spend time with them. I cant imagine loosing one of them but I don't think anyone who looses a child as a 3 year old or 15 year old wishes that they had never been born. They are devistated but thankful for the time they had. It is like trying to compare which is harder, grieving the loss of your newly wed husband or the loss of your husband of 50 years, both are tragic and you deserve to grieve. Our loss was only at 10 weeks and we never got to see the baby except on a scan but it was very much a baby to me. Having children already is a great comfort to me and I am grateful for them but it doesnt take away the loss of our baby. In some ways it even reminds me of what we are missing and what 'should' have been. I still cry about our losses sometimes and I didn't even make it to second tri with them.

Sorry I am rambling. I think I just want to say you are a mother who lost your baby and you deserve to grieve. Dont try minimise your loss or let other people's lack of understanding make you feel like you are overreacting. Your body and emotions have both been through a lot and you are still going through it. There really is no right way to feel. You just have to take it one day at a time. You will have good days and bad days. Its great that you already have days that feel a bit better. There will probably still be days that feel even worse. Gradually there are more good days than bad ones and eventually they will be mostly good ones. I found I even resented feeling better, like it was a sign I was forgetting about our baby but you will never forget and you will always grieve its just that the grief becomes more manageable and you can feel sadness without it taking over your life and without it stopping you from being a happy person.



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 14:22 PM   18
Myshelsong
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I also have a hard time wrapping my head around if I am a mother or not. There are moments I truly felt like one, I loved my baby so much but there is nothing here to physically love, so I am confused at how to feel. Right now I think it is ok to not know who I am yet. I will work that out as I go along, that is the last thing that I need to worry about.

I honestly don't know how I have gotten through this month. If I didn't have my support system, I don't think I could have.



 
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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 15:18 PM   19
OnErth&InHvn
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I consider them my children.




 
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Old Nov 9th, 2016, 06:26 AM   20
millianaire
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Hello. Ladies I'm in Thailand on my distraction break and guess what it's not very distracting my heart just wants to go and mourn in England he is all I think about, I want answers what happens once pm comes back and there not the answers I want.... Or expect? What do I expect? What questions do I need answering is this one of life's cruel plans or did the hospital fuck up? I feel like I'm losing the plot with all the questions and try not to mention it to my partner but everyday his name comes up..... I can't forget him and everyone wants me to.... I cried so hard the other day thinking my little man has been cremated and we weren't there it was our decision to say goodbye to him when we walked away from the hospital..... I really don't feel like I can't ever change the pain I'm feeling when I think about my first baby gone.... Why is this happening to us to me? What have I don't to deserve this? Why didn't I feel he was in trouble? What signs were there? I was meant to protect him not hurt him now I don't know if he will ever forgive me , specially if we try again how can I?

I'm aching mentally and physically please someone tell me this gets easier

3 weeks yesterday not that I'm counting .... Not so happy holidays knowing I have to come back to it all xxx



 
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