20 things angel mom's wish you would know stolen from facebook - Page 2

Hellylou · Sep 17th, 2011, 10:59 AM

Another one I have had said to me so far to add to this list...

"I know it's not the same as losing a child, but..."

kelzyboo · Sep 17th, 2011, 12:33 PM

Yes i think its hard for them, we know how we feel iykwim, they have no idea and anything they can imagine isn't even close, i can't imagine having to try to support someone through this (obviously before i'd been here) especially my mum, having to watch her child go through this and not being able to do or say anything right?

I just avoid people now, sad but true. The awkwardness hurts, its like i'm not normal, not 'one of them' anymore and i am still a person. Its hurtful.

kelzyboo · Sep 17th, 2011, 12:34 PM

Hellylou, i hate that one, i just shut off when i hear it now or i might punch someone! x

Tatertot · Sep 17th, 2011, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelzyboo

Yes i think its hard for them, we know how we feel iykwim, they have no idea and anything they can imagine isn't even close, i can't imagine having to try to support someone through this (obviously before i'd been here) especially my mum, having to watch her child go through this and not being able to do or say anything right?

I just avoid people now, sad but true. The awkwardness hurts, its like i'm not normal, not 'one of them' anymore and i am still a person. Its hurtful.

Yup. Me too.

My dad said the hardest thing was watching me suffer and not being able to do anything about it.

kelzyboo · Sep 17th, 2011, 14:51 PM

My mum said the same thing.
She lost her Grandson and her daughter on the same day.

Must be so hard, if i wasn't so wrapped up in my own greif i might realise that before i snap at her because she doesn't understand.

x

kayleigh89 · Sep 18th, 2011, 03:53 AM

Love those sayings!! xx

Vickieh1981 · Sep 22nd, 2011, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tatertot

It seems that things in the US are very different from the UK. Everyone I know who had a baby die in the states was given very little support. We were advised to seek counseling, but weren't given a referral. Told to call if we needed anything, but told who to call.

Some of the difference may be related to miscarriage vs. still birth vs. neonatal death.

Maybe so but you would think they would give you something wouldn't you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellylou

Another one I have had said to me so far to add to this list...

"I know it's not the same as losing a child, but..."

Duh!! What do they think that you lost?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelzyboo

My mum said the same thing.
She lost her Grandson and her daughter on the same day.

Must be so hard, if i wasn't so wrapped up in my own greif i might realise that before i snap at her because she doesn't understand.

x

Funny how we get so wrapped up in our own grief we forget that. I remember snapping at my Mum a few times. I have a picture of her holding Missy and she looks devestated. It must be so hard to lose your Grandchild and see your own child in such total pain and not be able to help. I wonder if in some ways that is harder?

Hellylou · Sep 23rd, 2011, 04:13 AM

It's awful how a few thoughtless words can do such terrible harm to someone who has suffered a loss. I think the problem is people think they have to say something - they try to rationalise what happened or say what they think is a comfort when it isn't. They say things like 'it's nature's way' or 'it wasn't meant to be' thinking it helps, when it just doesn't.

A hug, a card, some simple flowers, they can all mean so much. There is no reason, or rationalisation to a loss like this, and no amount of reasoning takes away the pain.

In situations like these, all people ever need to say is "I'm so sorry".

ms.hope · Sep 30th, 2011, 22:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hellylou

It's awful how a few thoughtless words can do such terrible harm to someone who has suffered a loss. I think the problem is people think they have to say something - they try to rationalise what happened or say what they think is a comfort when it isn't. They say things like 'it's nature's way' or 'it wasn't meant to be' thinking it helps, when it just doesn't.

A hug, a card, some simple flowers, they can all mean so much. There is no reason, or rationalisation to a loss like this, and no amount of reasoning takes away the pain.

In situations like these, all people ever need to say is "I'm so sorry".

I agree with all that you said!

Tatertot · Oct 1st, 2011, 08:26 AM

Yup. I agree too. People always say "I don't know what to say"...yeah, you do, "I'm sorry. That really sucks." All of those are acceptable. I think people try to find something deep and meaningful to say when in actuality just saying it sucks is enough.

Sep 17th, 2011, 10:59 AM	#11
Hellylou AutoSignup (SAAB) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Wirral, UK Posts: 1,030	Another one I have had said to me so far to add to this list... "I know it's not the same as losing a child, but..."

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Sep 17th, 2011, 12:33 PM	#12
kelzyboo Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: manchester, uk Posts: 4,285	Yes i think its hard for them, we know how we feel iykwim, they have no idea and anything they can imagine isn't even close, i can't imagine having to try to support someone through this (obviously before i'd been here) especially my mum, having to watch her child go through this and not being able to do or say anything right? I just avoid people now, sad but true. The awkwardness hurts, its like i'm not normal, not 'one of them' anymore and i am still a person. Its hurtful.

Status: Offline

Sep 17th, 2011, 12:34 PM	#13
kelzyboo Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: manchester, uk Posts: 4,285	Hellylou, i hate that one, i just shut off when i hear it now or i might punch someone! x

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Sep 17th, 2011, 14:51 PM	#15
kelzyboo Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: manchester, uk Posts: 4,285	My mum said the same thing. She lost her Grandson and her daughter on the same day. Must be so hard, if i wasn't so wrapped up in my own greif i might realise that before i snap at her because she doesn't understand. x

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Sep 18th, 2011, 03:53 AM	#16
kayleigh89 Trying to conceive (TTC) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Nottingamshire Posts: 1,185	Love those sayings!! xx

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Sep 23rd, 2011, 04:13 AM	#18
Hellylou AutoSignup (SAAB) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Wirral, UK Posts: 1,030	It's awful how a few thoughtless words can do such terrible harm to someone who has suffered a loss. I think the problem is people think they have to say something - they try to rationalise what happened or say what they think is a comfort when it isn't. They say things like 'it's nature's way' or 'it wasn't meant to be' thinking it helps, when it just doesn't. A hug, a card, some simple flowers, they can all mean so much. There is no reason, or rationalisation to a loss like this, and no amount of reasoning takes away the pain. In situations like these, all people ever need to say is "I'm so sorry".

Status: Offline

Oct 1st, 2011, 08:26 AM	#20
Tatertot On a break (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 6,503	Yup. I agree too. People always say "I don't know what to say"...yeah, you do, "I'm sorry. That really sucks." All of those are acceptable. I think people try to find something deep and meaningful to say when in actuality just saying it sucks is enough.

Status: Offline

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