Well, today is my official due date. Although I never expected to get to full term with twins, the impending date has hit me hard this week. Inspired by others who have shared their story this week and previously, I thought I would write down Eve and Megan’s story. Here goes, sorry it’s so long…

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th of February – we were so excited, I couldn’t actually believe that the pregnancy test said ‘Pregnant’, it was amazing. Other than a lot of tiredness and an aversion to food in general, things went well over the next few weeks. A few people who we had told, said they thought I was showing at 8 weeks, and jokingly suggested twins. We were even joking about it, on the morning of the 12 week scan.

When we went in for the scan, the technician swung the wand across my stomach, and I saw what I thought was two sacks – I’ll never forget her first words ‘Well, I’m just going to let you know, that I can see two babies in here’. Wow! It was amazing! We were in there for about 45 minutes, and spent most of the time laughing, we couldn’t believe it. We spent the rest of the day and the following weeks telling people that not only was I pregnant, but we were having two. It was an amazing feeling that I will never forget – I was so lucky to be blessed with twins! At the 12 and 20 weeks scan, both babies looked happy and healthy, and by the time I got to 23 weeks, my stomach had grown a fair bit, I was so proud of it. Everything was going so well – pregnancy seemed to agree with me.

On the 17th June, I started noticing some glob-like discharge (sorry if TMI), and had a little bit of backache, it continued the next day, so I phoned the labour suite, as it was the weekend. The woman I spoke to, was pretty horrible, and made me feel stupid for calling. The next day, there was a tiny bit of blood in the discharge, and something just didn’t feel right, so I called again, and they suggested I came in.

After talking with the doctor and going over my history, I was given an internal exam, and not long after, I started feeling these intense pains. These were my first children, so I never knew they were contractions. I was given diamorphine, which made me feel really dizzy at first, and it was at that point, they decided to send in the doctor from paediatrics who told us how grave the situation was for our twins if the contractions continued, and asked us to decide what we wanted to be done should they be born. We didn’t really know what to say, and my head was spinning from the drugs so we asked them to try and save them babies. I don’t know whether that was the right decision or not, but I don’t regret it.

I was in so much pain, they did another internal exam, and said I was fully dilated, and I was rushed to the labour suit…I was screaming and in hysterics, I was so scared, so was my OH. After a couple of hours more of contractions, the waters burst from twin 1 – they actually exploded and hit the wall opposite – I thought maybe the baby had been born, I had no idea what had happened. After that – nothing. They kept me in the labour suite for a few hours until 8am, but there was no sign of anything happening, so I was taken back to a private room.

I spent the next day in a daze – we were told that the situation didn’t look good, but if we could get through the next 24 hours without anything happening, that was the best we could hope for. For a few hours, we started to get our hopes up that things would work out, but once again, the backache started and after a few hours, we were back in the labour suite. Again we didn’t know what was happening, but about 12 hours after the contractions started, my first twin was born, they rushed her over to the side of the room to work on her. I was so tired after two days without sleep and kept drifting in and out of consciousness but I remember the doctor telling us that the baby had died before being born, and it was a girl. There was no time to take this in, as soon I could feel my second twin coming, it didn’t take long to push her out. We could see they were working on the baby for longer this time, OH called a midwife over, who said the baby had been born alive this time. They worked on her for 11 minutes, but she was just too weak. While they were trying to save her, I remember looking over to twin 1, who was just lying there alone. I could see her dark hair. They hadn’t told us the sex yet of twin 2. The midwife put both babies into a little carrier, and brought them over to me. I didn’t want to see them, I wasn’t ready, but there they were on my stomach. She said they were both girls. I have this picture of them burned into my head of how they looked, lying next to each other so perfect.

The next few hours were a daze, we were both exhausted and so upset at what had happened, and just lay down and fell asleep. When we woke up, we spoke about what to call our girls. I still hadn’t cried yet, I was in shock. We hadn’t really come up with much of a list yet of names, plus, I was convinced we were having boys. We just picked our two favourite names from the list. We had always intended to use their grandparents names for middle names, and we couldn’t bear not to do it, just because they died, so twin 1, the bigger of the two, became Eve Hazel, and twin 2, Megan Anne.

The last 17 weeks have been the worst in my life, I’ve never known so much pain. But I’m so grateful for you ladies, you have helped me through this and I am eternally grateful.

If you got this far – thank you for reading.

In memory of Eve and Megan, on their official due date. Mummy loves you. xxxxx

Big hugs on your due date.. And what lovely names for two little angels..Its a hard journey but take it one day at a time, don't expect too much. Thank you for sharing your story xxx

Sending lots of hugs your way. I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girls, thank you for telling us their story.xxx

Mhairi
I am so deeply sorry, I can't imagine loosing two babies, i don't know if I could have handled that Thank you so very much for telling your story. I wanted to know but didn't want to ask, i knew you would share it when you were ready. You have been through so much it is so hard but I do hope the days get better with time. I feel like time is all we have, really.
It has been 7 months since I lost Ava and I go in and out of my grief. Last night I started thinking about being pregnant and I thought of Ava and just cried/ I will never understand why we need to go through this, it doesn't make sense, it is way to much suffering You are such a nice and warm person and I am so happy to call you my friend..
I am always here for you no matter what any time of the day (We are 5 hours difference ) If you ever need to talk or vent or reminisce or cry ..
Thinking of you and sweet Eve and Megan on this special day..
I am just so sorry XOXOXOXOOX Andrea

Sending big hugs to you hun. xx

What a beautiful story of love and amazing strength...

I am terribly sorry you and your family has went thru that... I hate it actually!

I didn't realize TODAY is your due date hon'.....to think all those beautiful candles being lit today, remembering and honoring the lil ones.... I will be thinking and sending loves to you and your girls'...

psst, i have to say, I absolutely LOVE their names! AND Lil Megan even has MY middle name, correct spelling and all

Such a sad story of 2 perfect little girls

I am so sorry your girls didn't stay with you. Thank you for being strong enough to share them with us

Loads of love and hugs

Oh that is just heartbreaking...I am so very sorry. This took a lot of courage to share the story of your girls on such a difficult day. Sending you as much love and hugs as I can.

What a terrible shock, for it to happen the way it did, so suddenly and inexplicably. There is truly no rhyme or reason to it, it's just tragic.

Thinking of you, and your beautiful girls today

Sorry for you loss Thank u for sharing this xxx

Thank you for sharing your story! Lots of hugs to you hun...