Devastated that I'll lose my baby for Christmas - Page 2

Andypanda6570 · Dec 12th, 2011, 20:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckytwins

thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.

we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.

we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.

right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

they also said they are 90 percent sure Ava had trisomy 18 and usually they terminate themselves in the first trimester, mine didn't I went to 20 weeks before I lost her. I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you

i don't know what more I can say, I am just so deeply sorry and here for you if you ever need me

duckytwins · Dec 12th, 2011, 20:59 PM

thank you andrea. my dr said we can choose to terminate or wait and lose the baby naturally. i was talking to a friend of mine today (bless her heart), who had a mc at 11 weeks and it got me thinking. a miscarriage just happens, with no warning. how do you go on being pregnant when you know your baby will die? or being told to make the choice to end it?

i don't know if i'm making any sense. nothing seems to be making sense to me right now. my thoughts don't make any sense, my words don't make any sense. i know i hear information, but it feels like i forget it moments later, or have no idea what the person said.

i'm sorry to ramble. i just don't know what else to do. it seems like if i keep my mind, fingers, body busy, i don't have time to stop and think...

dnlfinker · Dec 12th, 2011, 21:38 PM

I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.

I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to

Massive hugs to you, please take care!

duckytwins · Dec 12th, 2011, 21:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dnlfinker

I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.

I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to

Massive hugs to you, please take care!

that is EXACTLY how i feel!!! how can i end a life that's not mine? how can i be the one to "pull the trigger" on someone else's life?

on the other hand... what if letting nature take over puts me in danger? there are so many questions i have. i wish i could just know...

thank you for your kind words.

mhazzab · Dec 13th, 2011, 01:43 AM

I'm so so sorry you are having to go through this, it's just not fair.
Have you found the ethical losses section? I believe it is for people who have had to make the decision you do, you might find it helpful? I think you have to request access.
Please stay here with us too though so we can help support you

Xxx

daopdesign · Dec 13th, 2011, 02:17 AM

I'm so sorry hun. I have no experinece with this kind of disorder but it does sound like you will have the choice to keep your baby once the tests come back?

Nikki_d72 · Dec 13th, 2011, 02:35 AM

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have no idea how to go about a decision like this, I'm so sorry you are having to make it. I hope you get better answers maybe in the ethical losses section or from your doctors but I do also hope you stay in touch with us to let us help you as well, as best we can. I hope the coming days make things clearer for you to guide you somehow to the right choice. Again I'm so sorry you are having to think of these things. You will be in my thoughts, sending you best wishes xxx

OliveBay · Dec 13th, 2011, 03:07 AM

I am so sorry

Please just remember that there is no standard 'right' or easy decision here and that you are the only person that can know what's right for you. This is a situation that no parent should be faced with and it breaks my heart that you are in this situation. I wish you lots of love and support. Even though I'm sure it feels like your whole world is in despair right now, you WILL get through this.

SarahJane · Dec 13th, 2011, 03:13 AM

It breaks my heart that you even have to consider the options babe. In my opinion it is nothing at all about pulling a trigger but about setting your baby free.

I have fortunately never been in that position but I'd like to think I'd make the right decision for my baby so that he or she doesn't suffer and the right decision for me too. For everyone that decision will be different but no-one should ever blame themselves for what they do decide.

We love our children, it is that love which gets us all through

Bride2b · Dec 13th, 2011, 03:29 AM

I'm so sorry that you had to get the news.

Only you can make the decision about what to do. I guess waiting for the inevitable to happen will be awful, not knowing how long you will have. Or making the decision to set the baby free & being in control.

Maybe talk to the doctors & a counseller to help make a decision. I know what you mean about not being able to retain information when they give it to you.

One thing I would say just because you have children is that if you chose to let nature take its course, it could happen over Christmas. Its just food for thought as that was my inital thought.

Please keep in touch on here with all these amazing ladies as I promise talking to everyone here will help xxx

Dec 12th, 2011, 20:59 PM	#12
duckytwins Other BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: CT Posts: 4,069	thank you andrea. my dr said we can choose to terminate or wait and lose the baby naturally. i was talking to a friend of mine today (bless her heart), who had a mc at 11 weeks and it got me thinking. a miscarriage just happens, with no warning. how do you go on being pregnant when you know your baby will die? or being told to make the choice to end it? i don't know if i'm making any sense. nothing seems to be making sense to me right now. my thoughts don't make any sense, my words don't make any sense. i know i hear information, but it feels like i forget it moments later, or have no idea what the person said. i'm sorry to ramble. i just don't know what else to do. it seems like if i keep my mind, fingers, body busy, i don't have time to stop and think...

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Dec 12th, 2011, 21:38 PM	#13
dnlfinker Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New York Posts: 206	I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own. I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to Massive hugs to you, please take care!

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 01:43 AM	#15
mhazzab Trying to conceive (TTC) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,010	I'm so so sorry you are having to go through this, it's just not fair. Have you found the ethical losses section? I believe it is for people who have had to make the decision you do, you might find it helpful? I think you have to request access. Please stay here with us too though so we can help support you Xxx

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 02:17 AM	#16
daopdesign Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: UK Posts: 1,467	I'm so sorry hun. I have no experinece with this kind of disorder but it does sound like you will have the choice to keep your baby once the tests come back?

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 02:35 AM	#17
Nikki_d72 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Scottish, living in New Zealand Posts: 1,164	I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have no idea how to go about a decision like this, I'm so sorry you are having to make it. I hope you get better answers maybe in the ethical losses section or from your doctors but I do also hope you stay in touch with us to let us help you as well, as best we can. I hope the coming days make things clearer for you to guide you somehow to the right choice. Again I'm so sorry you are having to think of these things. You will be in my thoughts, sending you best wishes xxx

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 03:07 AM	#18
OliveBay Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: UK Posts: 327	I am so sorry Please just remember that there is no standard 'right' or easy decision here and that you are the only person that can know what's right for you. This is a situation that no parent should be faced with and it breaks my heart that you are in this situation. I wish you lots of love and support. Even though I'm sure it feels like your whole world is in despair right now, you WILL get through this.

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 03:13 AM	#19
SarahJane On a break (TTC) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 2,192	It breaks my heart that you even have to consider the options babe. In my opinion it is nothing at all about pulling a trigger but about setting your baby free. I have fortunately never been in that position but I'd like to think I'd make the right decision for my baby so that he or she doesn't suffer and the right decision for me too. For everyone that decision will be different but no-one should ever blame themselves for what they do decide. We love our children, it is that love which gets us all through

Status: Offline

Dec 13th, 2011, 03:29 AM	#20
Bride2b Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Kent, UK Posts: 1,686	I'm so sorry that you had to get the news. Only you can make the decision about what to do. I guess waiting for the inevitable to happen will be awful, not knowing how long you will have. Or making the decision to set the baby free & being in control. Maybe talk to the doctors & a counseller to help make a decision. I know what you mean about not being able to retain information when they give it to you. One thing I would say just because you have children is that if you chose to let nature take its course, it could happen over Christmas. Its just food for thought as that was my inital thought. Please keep in touch on here with all these amazing ladies as I promise talking to everyone here will help xxx

Status: Offline

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