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Old Mar 8th, 2012, 04:46 AM   1
dancareoi
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Feel like I`m back to square one


Feeling so down and sad again today, I don`t know what to do.

We lost our LO 8 weeks ago today. This was an unplanned PG.

DH didn`t want a 4th baby and now we have lost it is reluctant to say we can try again.

i am 40 now and time is ticking. I really thought he was going to say yes, even though he is worried about us losing another and any other age related things that may happen.

However, he had a bad day himself yesterday. He is not enjoying his job at the moment and his best mate emigrated yesterday, so I think all this combined with the loss of our baby has finally caught up with him.

We had a long talk last night and from the way he was talking I don`t think he is going to want to TTC again, I am devasted.

Where do i go from here. The thought and hope of trying again for a baby was the only thing keeping me going. Without this hope I am totally empty instead, with no chance of being happy ever again, but spending the rest of my life mourning my baby with a lost an empty feeling inside.

I was doing so well and have now taken a huge 8 week step back. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2012, 06:14 AM   2
Andypanda6570
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Lisa,
Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this
Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
I love you, Lisa...



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2012, 06:36 AM   3
dancareoi
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Originally Posted by Andypanda6570 View Post
Lisa,
Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this
Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
I love you, Lisa...
hi andrea,

He knows how much I need and want this.

I have been sad all morning. DH just called in on his way back to work and noticed i was upset, i said it was nothing but he asked me to tell him.

I said that i thought after yesterday`s conversation I thought he was going to say no. He said that is not what he meant when he was talking yesterday, he said we should wait and see what this professor says. (although its been 2 weeks since visit to docs and no sign of a letter - I am not going to chase as I don`t want to go)

He knows if he did say no i would be devasted and i think as well he would know that our relationship could and would never be the same again as it would always be between us.

He is in a very difficult situation. But he is still not saying no!

There is still a small flicker of hope!!!!

Thanks again for being there, i knew you would reply to my post because you are always there for me and I love you for that.



 
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Old Mar 9th, 2012, 17:18 PM   4
SabrinaKat
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and may I remind you ladies -- that compared to me - 40 is spring chicken territory! (I was 43 when I conceived rainbow/delivered at 44), so dancareoi, give yourself a little more time? It sounds like both you and your OH are having a hard time at the moment? (I do understand the obsession, tho!)

best wishes



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2012, 05:31 AM   5
Bride2b
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How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2012, 08:25 AM   6
dancareoi
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Originally Posted by Bride2b View Post
How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx
Hi Gemma, no developments yet, although DH knows how much I need and want this and how devasted I will be if we don`t.

He is waiting to see when we get an appoinment for the hospital to go and get ourselves checked out and tested, to see if there are any medical reasons that would strongly mean the same would happen again.

however, we have been waiting 2 weeks now for appoinment and I have told him i am not going to wait too long.

He has said def no to TTC this month, which would probably be in the next week, so i am keeping fingers crossed he will say yes to April.

Thing is, i reckon if we do try in April, and i if I got PG straight away, we would have a due date of first week in Jan, 2 of me 3 babies were early - so Christmas baby!

Anyway, shouldn`t jump ahead, we have a long way to go.

How is it going with you?



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2012, 17:52 PM   7
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Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!!

I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).

I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx



 
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Old Mar 11th, 2012, 03:37 AM   8
dancareoi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bride2b View Post
Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!!

I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).

I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx
Gemma, i know exactly what you mean about being in a nightmare, I keep thinking the same myself and hope to wake up and find everything ok.

I have been lucky in the fact that I don`t work full time. My DH and I have our own business. I go to work for 3 hours on a tuesday and 3 hours on a saturday and that is it. i am a stay at home mom the rest of the time.

4 of my 5 pregnancies I conceived the first time of trying my method!(number 5 accident)
the first PG was pot luck as it was the first time we tried and we just thought we would see what happened.
PG 2 - we tried sort of for about 4 months, it was more NTNP but nothing happened, I then took the following steps, which worked first time then on PG 2, first time on PG 3 (MMC) and first time on PG 4 (at 38!)

On the day you get increased CM start taking OV test, DTD this day and every day until after the OV test indicates you have OV.

DTD - you lying flat.

After DTD - do not move for at least 1 hour - lying flat with feet raised.

This has worked for me, so wanted to pass it on to you. I really hope it works



 
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Old Mar 11th, 2012, 06:14 AM   9
Bride2b
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Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x



 
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Old Mar 11th, 2012, 07:59 AM   10
dancareoi
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Originally Posted by Bride2b View Post
Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x
just keep those legs in the air and allow those to get there and do their job!!!!!



 
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