I haven't been here in a while. I have progressively gotten better but their is always a missing piece of me. It's been only 6 months since I lost Gavin but in some ways it seems like a lifetime ago....that I will NEVER forget as long as I live. I definitely still have moments where I have to gather myself emotionally. Today is one of those days.

When I was pregnant I was anxious to see my baby and March 9th seemed like it would never get here. After I lost him I didn't want it to come because I didn't think I could handle him not being here. Well it's here. I was actually surprised to be excited. My daughter remembered too. We planned to get a cake, light a candle and release a balloon to celebrate his life and all that he means to us. It's kind of sad for me that I don't feel comfortable sharing this day with my husband and other family & friends. They just don't understand and I don't want his day to be ruined by anyone who just doesn't get it.

I'm taking my daughter on a surprise photoshoot and I will incorporate Gavin's teddy bear and some of his other memorabilia. That way I can have a picture of both my big girl and my angel baby.

It's weird....I'm really looking forward to celebrating but the saddness is right underneath the surface. I feel like at some point today I will lose it.

I just want you to know Gavin that mommy and your sister will love you forever. I think of you constantly. I know you are safe. You'll always, always be my baby boy....... Happy "Expected" Birthday Gavin Leonard Bell

Happy Birthday Gavin! I hope you enjoy your day with your daughter, how sweet of her to remember xx

nice to see you back in here, i was wondering how you were. I'm glad to hear you have been starting to feel a little better.

It's so sweet your daughter remembered. I hope you managed to make the day into something special, your plans sound lovely.

Happy 'expected' birthday, Gavin, fly high little one xx

Happy Birthday Gavin!

I hope you and your daughter had a lovely day for Gavin & that the photos turned out beautifully xx

I am so sorry for your loss of Gavin Thinking of you XOOXOXOXO

Happy expected birthday Gavin, I hope that your celebration of him with your daughter went well. Fly high lovely boy xxx

Thank you! We had an incredible time celebrating Gavin. I've only seen the proofs for the pictures but there is one I especially like. We released the balloon at my parents house. It was really windy and it blew right into a tree and got stuck. Me and my daughter joked that he wasn't ready to leave. That he wanted to spend more time with us. We shared cupcakes with my nephews and called it a night. I managed to be happy the entire day. I was truly surprised.

How have you been coming along?