Thinking of you hun. Noone deserves this you have been through the mill, it takes time to get over this its been 8 months for me and I am still struggling, my daughter was 21 weeks. Just be gentle with yourself and take your time.

For me I would have to know what sex my baby was, but its up to you, maybe ask them to find out, but not to say until you have decided you want to know.

Take care my love and hope you have some gentle days ahead xx

thank you everyone - i really don't like having to refer to the baby as it and have without thinking/realising been refering to it as him a lot. ATM it all seems very surreal like its happened to someone else, I think if we found out the sex it would make it all more real.

Im sorry to hear about your very traumatic story, but hope that you will take some comfort in the fact that the ladies here are incredibly supportive -- my loss was much earlier (at 7-8wks), but I always assumed it was a little girl (because I wanted one so much, my rainbow is a little boy, but I love him to absolute bits!) , perhaps if you don't find out the sex, you could at least refer to 'it' as the baby/I refer to 'mine' as my lost little one?

best wishes

I delivered my 17 weeker at home. My water broke suddenly and the baby just fell out of me. I think my baby must have died a few weeks earlier because it was very small for 17 weeks gestation. When it happenned, I first felt some water come out. It was brownish tinged. I ran to the toilet and then the baby just came out. I still can't believe this happenned. At the time, I was really in shock. I looked at the baby but purposely did not try to tell the gender...I just didn't want to know what it was i had lost. I wish I had held it to my chest and cradled it some but after I delivered I started bleeding and ended up hemorrhaging and had to have an emergency D&E and 3 units of blood. I was in the hospital for 2 days. We kept the baby at home (I didn't want to send my baby out for pathology) and buried the body in our family plot. My husband suggested the name "Jordan" which will work for either a boy or a girl. It wasn't a name we were considering but i love it now and it's so much better to have a name to focus on rather than "it". The stone we ordered for the cemetary says "We Will Hold You in Heaven"....I love you and miss you my little Jordan!

i'm so sorry for yr loss hun - sounds very similar to mine although I had some warning with brown tinged spotting in the morning which prompted me to go to the hospital to get checked out where we found out our babies heart had stopped beating and by its size they said it had happened at about 15 weeks, also at hospital once I'd had the baby they said they couldn't tell the sex as it was to early - I only saw the babies head and chest as it was still attached to me until the ambulance arrived and I didn't know what to do, so I didn;t get the chance/opportunity to look for myself.

I do know what you mean about having a name, I don't think my Dh would want to give it a name as it would make it all that more real for him, he's only recently been able to refer to it as a baby, before he kept calling it a foetus.

How long has it been since you lost yr angel?

I lost my Jordan on March 14 of this year...2 weeks and 5 days. It seems like one long continuous nightmare. But I am back at work now which helps keep the days busy. Ordering the stone, choosing the name, even burying the baby (which we have already done) have helped. My DH and I both wrote letters to the baby and we wrapped the body in a tiny blanket that my dear friend's grandmother made just for that purpose. Today has been a pretty good day. Yesturday I spent the whole day in tears (and in bed). I guess all we can do it take it one day at a time.

I'm so sorry for the losses. Life can be so very cruel. I hope the coming days, weeks and months are gentle on you x

i lost my angel on the 10th march this year so only a few days Before u. I doont work and dh is just starting up working self employed so i was forced back to 'normality' within a ciuple of days! I had to take my son to school 3 days after which was hard. Its sn odd feeling to c everyine getting on with lifenas normal when u feel like everything has stopped xxx