I went in to the doctors yesterday because I sprained a muscle in my back last week. The pain had started to become pretty unbearable and I was trying to see id there was anything other than Tylenol that I could take that would also be safe for the baby.
The doctor asked me many questions and when he noted that I had spotting for the previous 2 days (which I wasnt really concerned about, as it was a tiny amount, the blood was brown and I had spotted with both previous pregnancies with no further problems) he asked that I take a urine test and get an ultrasound done, to determine if I could possibly have an infection, and to check on the well being of the baby.
The urine test came back with only a slight trace of blood. I was scheduled to go for the ultrasound at the end of the day yesterday. When the ultrasound was done, the tech did not ask if I wanted to see the baby or turn the screen towards me like they usually do. That unsettled me right away. He then said he had to talk to the radiologist and to wait in the waiting room. I was the last and only person there.
Since the building was so quiet, I could hear him talking on the phone some time later. His voice was quiet but I have pretty good ears. I heard the words "No, I am ok to tell her." My heart started beating fast, I just knew. When he came out he told me that unfortunately the babys heart had stopped beating around 14 weeks. At 13 weeks I had an ultrasound done and the baby was fine at that time. I am almost 18 weeks along, I am devestated and I am still in shock.
I had 2 previous pregnancies, two healthy babies. Which I am so grateful for. But this loss is overwhelming to me, I keep pushing the feelings away because I don't want to feel the pain right now. I have no idea of what is to come, do I wait for it to happen naturally or do I have to get a D and C? I am going to my doctor first thing tomorrow to figure out where to go from here, but I am scared and I dont know how I will cope. My DH is very supportive, I have some comfort knowing he is there with me. But in a way I still feel alone because I am the one going through it.
I just feel these emotions brimming at the surface and I dont want to deal with them, I dont want to talk to anyone, I am dreading facing anyone. I want to crawl in a hole and stay there.
I am very sorry about your loss, I know what you are going through, I had the same feelings when I lost my baby nearly two months ago (25w of pregnancy). I didn't want to deal with it at all but I said to myself that I have to take it bit by bit, because otherwise I would go mad. So I decided to stay calm, I cried of course and was sad. And now is better, I can live my life again, never forget my little boy and always got him in my heart.
I am so sorry
My little boy died at 14+1. I had a D&C and had baby and placenta tested, they confirmed he was a boy and finding out the gender was important to me. I regret the D&C though. I chose d&C because i wanted it over quickely. No one told me what a baby looks like at 14weeks and that i could have given birth to him and said goodbye. I lost my little girl at 13+4 and the hospital booked me for a D&Cthe next day, but i went into labour over night. It really is labour so if you choose that, be prepared for the pain. We rushed into A&E at 2am and thats where she was born. I felt such peace being able to see her tiny body. I bled very heavily afterward though, so was thanful i was in hospital.
Let us now how you go. xx
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