I am new to this .....maybe looking for answers?? i dont really know as my head is all over .We found out last monday that our baby had died ....I went on tuesday for the first lot of tablets and on thursday morning we went in .....i delivered her at 2.15 am on friday ....At the moment I cant really talk in about it all in detail but I need to ask your advice .

We decided to let them do tests on Annabel ....but i am not sure if i want her to be cremated or buried as yet ...I know this is a dificult issue but if she was cremated would there be enough to scatter?? and if she was buried ....where?? would she need a full funeral etc??

My head is all over but i need to think of these things .

xxx

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, what a beautiful name

the first few days are so confusing - so much information to take in and decisions to make, when you are at your weakest. Hopefully we can help you out with some information, that will be one less thing for you to worry about.

We had post mortems done on our daughters, in our hospital it just took a couple of days but I have heard of it taking longer for some other people. We had the funeral 8 days after they were born. We had them cremated, and there were enough ashes for us to scatter, in fact, we were surprised how much there was, my girls were 23 weeks though, so a bit further on. I know different people have been told different things about whether they will get ashes back. Its probably best to ask the funeral directors about this if you go down this route.

I know there's a certain gestation past which you legally must have a burial or cremation, but I can't remember what it is. Do you have a chaplain at your hospital? We are not religious but decided to speak to her, and it was a good move - she made all the funeral arrangements, and the hospital also paid for it all. I couldn't have handled doing any of this. All we did, was choose the music, and write the service, with help from a humanist friend of mine, who carried out the service. Everything else was done for us.

if you have any other questions feel free to ask x

should also have said...you don't HAVE to have a service, we wanted to acknowledge our daughters existence, so 'invited' about 20 close friends / family who had been there for us during the pregnancy and who we felt would have been important in ther lives. doing this worked for us. Other people just have mum and dad there, just a private thing. x

I am so sorry for your loss

I loss my boys at 18 weeks and had them taken for test so it gave us time to decide what we wanted to do. we talked to a funeral place and she said at 18 week with two of them there would be enough for cremation witch did not cost us and she also said that there is a area in the cemetery for angel babies if we were to do that and it would not cost a thing for the funeral, it was free for any baby under 22 weeks.
we had a urn that we brought but when we went to pick it up with the ashes the funeral place would not let us pay for it. We also held a service for them at home.
Ring around a couple of places and see what your options are, you will find how great people are in a time like this.
Best of luck.x

one of the midwife's said that when she lost her daughter at 14 weeks the brought a rose plant and buried her daughter under it in a big pot and she will go everywhere that she goes or people will find a place in there garden (if you own your place) and bury them and have a seat put in and dedicate that area to them and when they feel that they need to they can sit with there little one/s

im sooo sorry for the loss of baby annabel. I know what hell you are going through at the moment - your days will be torture at the moment but they will get better i promise you. When i lost jacob (20 weeks) i was told that there wouldnt be any ashes if we had a cremation so we chose to have a burial instead. i know that the hospitals organise burials but we wanted our baby to have his own plot at our local cemetary. most funeral directors will also provide the transport (from hospital to funeral home/from funeral home to cemetary) as well as the coffin free of charge. We chose not to have a funeral service just a burial but the chaplain from the hospital who blessed jacob when he was born did a reading at the graveside and only me and my partner went. I find it comforting having somewhere to go to visit jacob.

i hope you find some comfort in the coming weeks. if you ever need someone to talk to.......

take care xxx

I am so sorry to hear about your loss If you want to have her cremated then you will have to be prepared for the fact that there may not be any ashes for you to scatter. Our daugher was stillborn 2 weeks ago and we have been warned that there may not be any ashes when she is cremated

Hi, i am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my LO in january - i thought i was 17 weeks, but routine check up showed no heart beat and baby had died at 13-14 weeks. this was mon 9 jan.

we went in on the tuesday for oral medicationa and then went back on thurs 12th jan for internal medication, my baby was born at 8.45am on the thursday.

We decided against a PM and decided to have a cremation.

The hospital arranged everything for us, free of charge, with a local funeral director and the hospital chaplain. He came to see us at home and to talk about the service.

We had our cremation on mon 23 jan, just the hospital chaplain and me and my DH - it was the saddest and worst thing i have ever had to do, but the chaplain did a lovely service.

the funeral directors collected the ashes later that day and the chaplain collected these for us.

he then met us the next day at the babies` memorial garden at the hospital and he did another little service as he buried the ashes.

We now know exactly where our LO is, amongst other babies in a beautiful garden.

in july 09 i had a MMC at 8 weeks gestation, i had a D & C and we told hospital to deal with it for us and that was the end of it.

We never thought about this until we lost our LO this year. we then started to feel guilty about how we had dismissed our other one.

We mentioned this to the chaplain and during our service, he mentioned the other one we had lost - this then gave us some peace,

Although it was the worst thing we have ever experienced, i am so glad we did it. our LO has been laid to rest in alovely place and we can visit whenever we wish.

We were lucky that our hospital were so helpful as that made it easier for us.

It is not an easy thing to do, but i am so glad we did.

sending you lots of hugs.

Hi, sorry you've found yourself here but there is lots of support for you don't worry

I lost my son at 16 weeks last June and we decided to bury him in the children's memorial garden at the cemetary. It's not a nice place, no cemetaries are but at least we have somewhere to go and visit him. The choice is totally yours but in my opionion it's didn't seem right cremating such a fragile and tiny human being, however you do what feels right x

I am sorry for your loss hun, I lost my baby girl Sophia on February 28th, i was 23w6d. We decided to have a burial, there is an infant section at the cemetery where my grandma and grandpa are buried. I like to have a place to visit, to bring flowers, I put pin wheels there and just some stuff that meant something to us. We just finally got the money together to order the stone, so it will be there in about 8 weeks. As said above, funeral director did everything free of charge, i did have my priest say some things for the service, and our parents, siblings, and closest friends were there. It gives me comfort to visit my baby, knowing that she is with other babies as well and that my grandma and grandpa will take care of her