First off, sorry if this is a depressing thread or even an out of place thread. Didnt want to write this on my ltttc journal as there are others on there that havent had their first yet so dont want to seem off posting there.
Hubby and i have been ttc number 2 for over 3 years and have run out of money for treatments for the time being. Im so depressed, nothing has worked im currently off work sick (1month so far) through all this.
Our house is a tip as i have no energy to do anything, but i have been, for a long time, needing to sort through and get rid of most of my little boys old baby things. How do i even go about it???? Its like i'll be getting rid of our potential childs clothes and toys etc. Silly i know I know it is no way similar at all but i feel like im grieving a lost child. Grieving for the sibling i should have been able to provide for my son.
Anyone else been through the process of sorting and donating their grown childs things when they were intended for another baby? I find it difficult sorting his toys and getting rid so know doing this will feel like its killing me!
Im hoping the sorting process will help me accept we will not have another anytime soon, i dont want to let go of the dream that could be but know its dragging me down so need to do this. For some kind of closure i think?
Its weird as we will still be ttc but with supplements and TI rather than fertility treatments. We just have the knowledge that any success is highly unlikely.
sorry for rambling and thanks you if youve gotten this far lol x
Plex - i know exactly where you are and i just want to assure you that it will not be closure when you do get rid of those things. I kept everything as we started trying when our son was a year old...I had a double buggy in anticipation and so one by one the things have gone and each time i have felt a sense of relief. One of the last things to go was the stair gate which was under the bed and i kept stubbing my toe on it. Its gone....
For me i resented those things in my house and i knew that when another child comes to me whichever way i would not want him/her to use those same things...those clothes, buggys, stairgates, toys etc that have been there upsetting me for so long....they represent sadness and not new life.
Ger rid and make way for the new.....new baby - new things. No its not economical but after everything we have been through i dont care - if/when i get pregnant im going to start afresh.
Im so so sorry you are off work - this is just very very difficult and its a constant process of grieving. It has effected me in so many awful ways and i do struggle to keep moving forward.....
Have your work been ok - do they know what is behind it?
I'm right there with you, I know there is a fair chance we will not be able to have another baby unless we can afford IVF, which is wayyyy off in the future, there's no way we can even think about it just now.
I have put all of LO's things in the loft, I can't bear to give most of it away. However, I have gave some of his old things that I wouldn't reuse to a baby in our children's hospital who is seriously ill and his parents are drug addicts so he had nothing. It's so heartbreaking I actually wanted to adopt him!
not much help but I kept everything except the cot (which broke) when we ran out of space we got a bigger house - I already suffer from hoarding but im quite good usually but I not getting rid of anything because I WILL need it again
I'm extremely sentimental. I'm not a horder, but special outfits that my older son wore, went to his brother to recreate those special moments and events.
However, I'm completely out in the left field and preparing for a baby when we've been ltttc for 2+years and nothing has happened besides me filling a closet with 0-12 month clothes, muslin wraps, socks, headbands, blankets (I'm anticipating a girl). We don't use the 3rd room anyways and it's become a hobby.
I wouldn't let it all go.
Love the ideas suggested here. As a hoarder myself I know how hard it is to let go of things. Having said that I have not really pushed myself to part with much if any of my LOs things yet.
Some ideas from me...
- As someone else has suggested, donate to childrens hospitals, hospices etc.
- Sell things on ebay and use the money for a fantastic toy or experience for your LO
- plan something great for the space you create. Maybe a craft corner for your LO or a space for a hobby for yourself.
- allow yourself a small box for different stages in development (birth to three months, 3-9 months etc) and fill them with really important clothes, toys, gadgets. Once full, the rest must go.
- Do some reading on expiry dates. Most bottles, dummies, even car seats start to degrade over time and the manufacturers recommend replacing them. A good excuse!
- if you can bear to, look at some of the new toys, clothes, gadgets out there. Be inspired about the lovely new things you could get in the future (maybe with money earned from selling current stuff?)
- Get someone to help you! The single most important motivating factor for me is help. Someone who gets you but is fairly unsentimental or ruthless is best.
Hope you find your way through this tough time soon
You are not alone. I still have the nicest clothes from 0-3 months boxed up in the shed. I kept my favorite outfits up until 3T. I have all of her expensive coats. I still haven't had another baby. My daughter is 9. I sold the crib and stroller, out of date anyway. I gave the marathon car seat and high chair to my sister when she had a baby but made her promise to give them back when I had another one. After she started kindergarten, it was easier to get rid of clothes and toys because she wore them out! She has a friend who is younger and smaller and we give the nicer clothes to her twice a year and she and her mom are very thankful. Kids grow so fast! I will never get rid of the baby clothes tho. If it never happens, I will have them for my granddaughter. Who is to say the next one won't be a boy anyway? Then what? Lol
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