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Old Jan 21st, 2013, 15:27 PM   1
benjsmummy
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Advice please


Hey! I've not been on this forum since I was pregnant, needed to create a new account as I forgot all log in details.
Anyway, I have a little boy who is 16 months old. Me and his father were together for 2 and a half years and we're a proper family in a family home together. One day he just upped and left. He still see's my son regularly but just doesn't want to be with me anymore. This happened 4 months ago now. He now is very good friends with another girl, who after sleeping with her once unprotected he has got her pregnant. they aren't together but they are very good friends but like each other and shes pregnant. confusing I know! anyway they are keeping the baby.
I just can't handle this, I'm heartbroken, he put me through hell and back and I was just doing okay and I'm landed with this, which he claims has nothing to do with me and I need to get over it! I don't want my son to be involved in her life, with him and her, and then the new baby, I can't handle that. To make it even worse, the baby is due on our son's birthday.

How would you handle this, just looking for advice



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Old Jan 22nd, 2013, 13:48 PM   2
Ceejay123
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Are you still in love with your ex, is this why it upsets you? Is this girl a bad person or is it just the fact that she's with your ex? It sounds like your ex up and left you in the wrong way - Which is awful of him! But I wouldn't take it out on the kids... My son has a half brother that's not my child. It's difficult, it's scary.. But it'd be selfish of me to turn around and say he's having nothing to do with him because it's hard for me, which of course it is. He deserves to know his siblings, especially if the dads involved with both.

I can understand its hard, your ex that you care for is with another woman and having a baby. It must hurt so much personally... But don't let it affect your son. You need to get over your ex, in any way that you can. Else he'll keep using these things to hurt you. x



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Old Jan 22nd, 2013, 19:53 PM   3
Danie1stbaby
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I agree with Ceejay123 but....

I have been in your shoes.Well I am in your shoes....Had my first baby 9 months ago.I don't want to keep re-living and typing the details but something about being abandoned for a teen esort/prostitute,him giving her more effort,even introduced her to his immediate family...who some of those people were labeled psycho to me but were good enough forher to meet after a month and I was there for multiple years,he is abusive to other women but not physically abusive to me...so he preferred weaker females,her having a kid 2 months ago..and im not getting a dna and signing the birth certificate...even though the kid looks nothing like him and is a huge chance not his...



Our stories are different,but similar.My advice...you will lose your mind wondering why or how to deal with that situation and your child.Coping and dealing with the reality of things...yada yada ya

Guess what the best thing to do is?

Until you are strong enough to handle things and can rebuild your thoughts,don't be bothered with his situations.Let it be strictly about your baby.Nothing or no one else matters at this point.Your heart is broken and you must take baby steps to heal and rebuild who you are as a strong woman.It is tough and I still have weak days and strong days.

I would not be bothered with any of them and focus on being a strong mother.Happy baby equals happy mom.Your child is a baby right now and molding him is all you need to care about.Let his father handle whatever else he is doing on his own.The way you two ended was harsh ,so you get a pass to not be bothered and to fix your broken pieces.If he left you that way,he will leave the next the same way.

Seems harsh,but it really helps to focus and give your all to your child.Building a relationship with the unborn baby right now is overwhelming and not mandatory right now.You gotta work on you,because the road ahead is tough and baby needs a tough mama.That should be the last thing on your mind,healing is the next step Hugs,it hurts like hell but with strength you will make it



 
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Old Jan 24th, 2013, 11:59 AM   4
Flowers Jasmn
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I know this is not as easy as it sounds, but forget about him. Right now the most important thing is your baby.



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Old Jan 25th, 2013, 01:08 AM   5
MorganEvans
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Oh, you must feel awful. Couldn't imagine going trough something like that myself, which is why it makes me sad that you're having to deal with this. As a lame advice, which won't be anything you haven't heard of before, i think you should bury yourself in work. Keeps your mind distracted, not thinking of what hurts you. Over time you'll get over it, step by step.
Also, rather focus on what you have right now. You have an adorable child next to you who loves you more than anything. Get closer with friends, so you won't feel alone. I did the opposite at some point when my boyfriend(now husband) and i were going trough rough times. I felt like being alone, angsting and feeling down all the time, until i ran into one of m friends. It was so refreshing to talk to someone, do something even when i felt down. Very positive experience. Eventually i managed to set my thoughts aside, focus on what i really had instead of what i wanted back so badly.

Get someone by your side, old friends, family, anyone. It's so much easier not to go trough that alone.

I wish you the best.



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2013, 16:01 PM   6
benjsmummy
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Thanks ladies. Yeah im still in love with him, yeah it hurts but I am getting stronger and getting over him. The one thing killing me is the baby.
One of my close friends is best friends with someone who used to be friends with and work with this new girl. She is known to sleep around unprotected, she got pregnant last year by some lad who she told she cudnt have kids as a lie, got pregnant and had a misscarriage. She told my ex she probably couldnt have kids too. The first thing my friends friend said was "is he sure its his, i know what shes like"
The person im being told she is (which wont be lies) is someone i dont want near my son. My ex and her arent even in a relationship but shes currently gone to meet the mother in law. Its all really wierd and it hurts like hell. I really would be ok if only there wasnt a baby invloved which is going to affect my sons life.
Also i have found out the babys due date is my sons birthday, just to rub it in even more.
Im just not handling this very well thinkin of my future and my son being involved in it all
He is a good dad to my son and ive never denied access and never will, just the thought of my son being dragged through this mess kills me.
My ex doesnt see to know what a condom is and if he carries on this way, my son doesnt deserve it.
Hes just a total stranger to me. This just isnt him



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