Oh, ye gods, I need my soon-to-be-ex-husband to move out. He is driving me CRAY-CRAY.
Long story short, I asked manboy to clear the table tonight and clean up after dinner, and to show our daughter how to do it. His idea of "clear the table and clean up" was:
Toss a flimsy piece of saran wrap over the leftover pasta in its serving bowl and shove it into the fridge. It wasn't even fully covered.
Put most of the dishes from the table into the sink. Leave some dishes on the table. Do not make any effort to get food off of the dishes and into the garbage disposal; just leave it all in the sink.
Put a few dirty dishes into the dishwasher without taking the clean ones out and putting them away. Don't bother doing a better job even after wife prompts you to do it right. Do not finish loading the dishwasher and do not start it.
Show our daughter how to do it? Nah, she's fine running off and doing whatever the hell she wants.
I made dinner tonight. How would he have felt if I handed him a plate full of half-cooked meat? If the vegetables were still partially frozen? If I gave everyone silverware except him? I don't half-ass things, so why does he?
(In fact, he did make dinner the other day---and the vegetables were still partially frozen!)
This may sound like a small faux pas when considered on its own, but this is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I delegate a task to him. He does the crappiest, most half-assed job in the world and calls it good. I just cannot wait to get him the HELL out of my life.
Bah. I went to the courthouse on Friday and said, "hello, I'd like to file for divorce." The clerk replies, "Where is your judgment?" Um, judgment? Did my request make it sound like I was in mid-process? After a confusing exchange, they gave me the paperwork to get started. Now that I work 8:30 - 5:00 PM, I'll have to use a personal day or sick day or something to file for divorce. Grrr. [3-18-2014]
Holy crap, this one is a doozy. Tried calling a few places only to find that infant childcare runs about $250 per week. They won't give me a discount for late drop-off. That puts my childcare costs at approximately $1600 per month. [2-13-2014]
Called my unemployed brother and asked how he would feel about moving out to Illinois for a few months and becoming my "manny." I would rent him a room or a studio apartment for $450-$600 per month so that he can have his own space, and I don't want to get roped into another 1-year lease if I switch to a 3-bedroom apartment. I want to be able to go back to Washington state in August. [2-13-2014]
A lovely couple from my church has offered to take in my brother for a few weeks if he wants to come be my "manny." They would take him in while we hunt for a room for him to rent. [2-16-2014]
With the new job, I will not commute back into town until 6:20 PM. I found a childcare place that is open until 9 PM, will cost about $1400 per month for both kids. Have an appointment to tour it on Tuesday at 4:30 PM. Looks like my brother is probably not going to come out and be my manny. [3-8-2014]
My brother flew out to help me for the first two weeks of my new job, but I doubt he will decide he wants to come out indefinitely. I have the kids signed up for the daycare that is open late, starting on April 1st. It will cost about $1400 per month. [3-18-2014]
I have been having trouble arranging for transportation from my daughter's school to this daycare that is open late, but I think the solution may finally be at hand. My daughter's one-on-one aid has generously agreed to drive her after school. I have to talk to her to dot the Is, cross the Ts, and see how much she wants for this service, but child care is just about all set up. [3-29-2014]
So, I finally feel good about marking this one off as "complete." With my brother back in Washington state, my children are now being cared for by a woman from my husband's ward, who is watching both of them for the low cost of $250 per week. I had to set up transportation from DD's school to this woman's home this week, but busing will begin on Monday. In the meantime, my brother enjoyed living with me for 2.5 weeks and he may be moving out here to essentially serve as my au pair (minus being from a foreign country) in the next month or so. [4-02-2014]
Called my car insurance company today and got them to send a tow for the car. It is in the shop. Waiting to hear back on what the damages will cost so I can decide whether to repair it or junk it. [2-13-2014]
Car repair shop got back to me today. Sounds like the repairs are manageable. Going to go ahead with them on Monday. Should have a functional car again by Tuesday. [2-15-2014]
Car cost more to repair than I would have liked, but it is fixed and back home. [2-19-2014]
I have a job interview tomorrow for a part-time administrative assistant position. Would make for a nice transition back to working. [2-19-2014]
Had a job interview on Tuesday for an entry-level position with the state. Felt like it went really well. I must have been right, because they called me today to offer me the job! Full time, has benefits. Starts March 17th. [3-1-2014]
When he asked me what he could do to save the marriage a few months ago, this was what I told him:
Find a new career. I won't stay with you if dance is what you want to do. There is no future in it.
One that makes decent money.
One where the shift you work is a reasonable 8-9 hour shift.
One where you only work 5 days a week and can spend 2 days home with your family. It doesn't have to be Saturday and Sunday, but you do need to have 2 days off.
Do chores on a regular basis. At least one chore every day without me having to ask. I'm not going to remind you of this. We've been married for 10 years and you know that I want it, so you either do it at this point or you don't.
Never, ever lie to me and never, EVER think that it is okay for you to cut me out of family decision-making by saying "but I prayed about it" or anything to that effect
What has he done?
He's still dancing. In fact, he left his old job to go teach at the dance studio that Bimberly teaches at, and when he left his old job, his ex-boss (the one whom I'd told him a million times was a complete jerk who was going to screw us over) flat-out refused to pay him about 3k in final compensation, 2 days before Christmas. We have a 50k lawsuit against him now for 2.66 years of unpaid overtime, minimum wage violations, and blatantly stolen wages. Manboy has shown no interest in seeking a non-dance career.
He made less than 23k last year, having been out of college for 7 years. He's making more at the new studio, but it's still only going to be 36k-38k if he keeps up his current rate (he's paid on commission again). Not awful, but not great when you consider he's been done with college for 8 years and dancing for 3. No word on this job having benefits.
Is still gone for long hours, often away from home for more than 12 hours every day.
Still works 6 days a week. Has ignored my requests for him to re-arrange his schedule and take one more day off.
Chores? What are those? Maybe on Sunday (his only day off) he'll do a few chores. That's it.
He told me back in September that he had paid off a daycare bill with his own money. I received a collections notice for it in November. Other than that, I haven't caught him outright lying just yet, but he did fail to disclose to me very critical information when he was debating switching jobs in December.
I continue to feel like I'm micro-managing a giant man-child and I just want him out of my life.
Well good for you for sticking to your guns and ensuring you are leaving him, he will be gone eventually, it takes time but you will be free of him eventually.
It is so frustrating being around a so called ' man' when in all honesty, the woman is more of a.'man' than him, aswell as taking on other roles. My ex thought he was a big, strong man ( okay, visually he is 6ft 6 and huge but he is just a stupid little boy) and even now I feel like if he had stayed or we worked things out, I would be looking after two kids not one. If you are someone who likes to get things done and are organised, a relationship with a procrastinator / lazy person who takes forever to make decisons etc is doomed. I got fed up of being called impatient by my ex, well no, these guys are just lazy bums who want everything done for them and for life to fall into their lap, not go out and get it. Sheesh!
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