I agree with Dave though. Two wrongs dont make a right. I agree that she shouldnt tell the children but not with the whole playing him at his own game cos thats using the kids as pawns.

But there is no need for him to speak to me like that Laura, regardless of whether my post was right or wrong!!. He could have just said that he disagreed with me and it was not the best thing to do, instead he attacks me assuming I was purposely viscious about my suggestion (which I was not) and calls me 'pathetic, immature and childish'. That is bang out of order.

Im not taking sides here I promise. I can see both your views but think of it in his situation.. A dad who desperately wants to see his child and someone else is suggesting playing games. Games and children dont mix and it creates a really bad feeling. This I know. I've done it all possible in the last 10 weeks with FOB. Now im at the point of not caring at all I dont care what he knows and does with himself.

Both you and Dave need to remember that sniping isnt the way forward. Sometimes its easier just to not say anything back. Plus dont let it get to you its an internet forum.

Plus. What would Dave know about pregnancy hormones and carrying a child? Water off a ducks back..... Men havent got a clue.. Although they might think they do...

I would never, ever suggest that a mother plays head games with a father that is good to his kids and wants to see them and is good to them. If that is what he believes I was saying then that is incorrect and he didn't read my post properly. It was obviously referring to a bad father, a father that doesn't care less and a father who hurts their children. A mother wouldn't see the need to seek advice on a good father on here as he wouldn't cause these problems.

I may be upset and hormonal but it really annoys me when someone breezes in, reads a post, makes assumptions about that person, has a sweeping statement about it and then has the gall to attack them again when they try to defend themselves. I think he is a bully.

Dave I understand you are feeling sensitive due to your own circumstances but please understand these ladies have their own circumstances and frustrations too. I don't think telling ladies if they are pregnant/hormonal it's their problem is going to help or go down well on BabyandBump, where the majority are women

Mally I think you too could understand where the reaction came from in Dave's situation. We hear so many stories where the father isn't manning up to his responsibilities, refusing to see their children, communication problems etc but we don't stop to think of those good men out there who would do anything to see their children and are wrongly being refused, I'm sure he has a little girl there too wanting to know where her Daddy has gone at no fault of his own (from what I can read). His feelings on BabyandBump aren't void because he is male.

With a bit of input into the disagreement here ...Dave, If I'm reading right I think Mally is suggesting a bit of reverse physiology within a situation totally different to your own as a last measure, not a permanent suggestion (I'm not saying if its right or wrong). Sometimes reading between the lines helps rather than nit-picking certain words. Seeing your child's eyes when they can't see Daddy or want to know where he is was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced and my split was amicable, he seen the girls on a regular basis, these moments were just normal days they were with me. I do hope the mother of your daughter catches a grip soon.

I don't know how anyone can let their children down in any circumstances but just remember this forum is for support and we are all here with our own situations.

x

I think regardless of whether the father is good/reliable or not, resorting to mindgames in retaliation is completely inappropriate and whilst I understand why some people may consider it justified, ultimately it simply gives a message of not being a mature grownup and stooping to the other persons level.

My advice would be:
- if the contact when it happens is positive and the children are managing with seeing their father once one month and twice another then don't tell them he's due to see them, wait to see if he arrives and if he doesn't go to a backup plan so they have a nice day doing something else and are none the wiser
- if you need consistent contact so you know where you stand or if the children are distraught at not knowing whether they will see their dad from one min to the next then I'd suggest ceasing contact temporarily and using official channels to set out agreed slots and rules to abide by. Hopefully this would give him the message his lack of commitment and prioritising is unacceptable and won't be tolerated

In addition to my above post, one of the other reasons I don't support mindgames is it means you are with a clear conscience both now and in the future that you are not harbouring any responsibility for your childrens lack of contact with their father and I think this is important for peace of mind

sorry I didn't mean to cause any disagreements hope you are OK Mally? Thanks for all the advice by the way, I stopped telling them when he is coming anyway so not to avoid disappointment, he works late shifts 5-11pm so always rings them at teatime to wish them goodnight and that'll he'll see them tomorrow. Told him the other day that he really needs to stop this if he's not sure he can make it for one reason or another. We'll see if he listened for next contact day. Thanks again. Fairydreams

You didnt cause arguments, everyone has a different opinion thats all.