traveling - please help!!

babybambi2011 · Jan 6th, 2012, 13:36 PM

i take lily up to her dads, and he brings her back down to me. after recent events, i have no money whatso ever. i said to him that if he still wants me to bring lily to him, he has to contribute to my petrol. he said he wont do that cuz he is bringing her back on the train. i said im doing him a miassive favour by actually taking her over to his house which is 35 miles away from mine. its not so much getting her there, its getting me back home too, so a trip of 70miles. is it just me or am i doing him a massive favour and hes just spitting it back in my face?? im doing everything i can to make sure he sees lily, and granted hes only brought her back once, the other times hes stayed over the weekend on the blowup bed.

please, i need opinions and advice!!!

xSophieBx · Jan 6th, 2012, 14:04 PM

Yes you are doing him a massive favour. Is he paying child support? He should contribute towards your petrol definitely! You can't afford it so just tell him its that or he'll just have to come down yours to see her for a day. x

babybambi2011 · Jan 6th, 2012, 14:22 PM

yea, he pays £27 a week, but when he has her i provide EVERYTHING. nappies, bottles, formula, food, clothes, calpol, toys, teddies, bedding. not to mention the increase in my electricity, gas, clothes, food and water bills to make sure she is warm, fed and clean and in clean clothes too. but of course he never sees this, he just thinks that i spend all my time shopping for me, getting my nails done n fart arsing around with guys. gggrrr men

Laura2919 · Jan 6th, 2012, 14:48 PM

I would say he should help towards your petrol. £27 doesn't stretch very far when you have nappies, wipes, food and goodness knows what else you need to buy.

I would just say I cant afford to keep doing it.

Crumbsx · Jan 6th, 2012, 17:08 PM

Yeah I agree with the PPs (:
Just explain to him that from now on, he will have to come to you if he wants to see LO as your a single parent, you can't afford any additional costs such as petrol. You need to use all your money to provide for your daughter. He needs to understand that you've been more than generous with what you've been doing, but you can't afford it.

If he refuses to see your LO at yours, well it's his loss. It sounds harsh but there's nothing more you can do. It may be abit OTT, but basically say that if you pay for petrol you won't have the money to buy your LOs nappies (for example). You provide everything else for her, so he should help you with this little expense.

chezziepie · Jan 9th, 2012, 09:23 AM

well he either contributes to the petrol or gets the train each way imo.

Bumpi · Jan 9th, 2012, 14:19 PM

same as everyone else said .. its not up to you to have to find a way to get his daughter to him, if he wants to see her he should make the effort .. why should you be out of pocket ? xx

ladyjayne · Jan 10th, 2012, 08:14 AM

If he moved away from you then yes he should definiately be doing all the running around or paying for you to bring you LO to him and your return trip. My DH pays maintenance to his ex and we travel a 600mile round trip to see her every month at our expence. Its not her problem to be fair although when she travels down here to see her friends she brings SD and we get to have her which is lovely but not expected.
However if you moved away from him then its a different story and the CSA do take it into consideration when calculating maintenance as its an extra cost for him to get to see his child that isnt really his fault.
I dont know your situation but i thought id give a different perspective.

Jan 6th, 2012, 13:36 PM	#1
babybambi2011 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: worcester Posts: 1,557	traveling - please help!! i take lily up to her dads, and he brings her back down to me. after recent events, i have no money whatso ever. i said to him that if he still wants me to bring lily to him, he has to contribute to my petrol. he said he wont do that cuz he is bringing her back on the train. i said im doing him a miassive favour by actually taking her over to his house which is 35 miles away from mine. its not so much getting her there, its getting me back home too, so a trip of 70miles. is it just me or am i doing him a massive favour and hes just spitting it back in my face?? im doing everything i can to make sure he sees lily, and granted hes only brought her back once, the other times hes stayed over the weekend on the blowup bed. please, i need opinions and advice!!!

Status: Offline

Jan 6th, 2012, 14:04 PM	#2
xSophieBx Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: UK Posts: 4,429	Yes you are doing him a massive favour. Is he paying child support? He should contribute towards your petrol definitely! You can't afford it so just tell him its that or he'll just have to come down yours to see her for a day. x

Status: Offline

Jan 6th, 2012, 14:22 PM	#3
babybambi2011 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: worcester Posts: 1,557	yea, he pays £27 a week, but when he has her i provide EVERYTHING. nappies, bottles, formula, food, clothes, calpol, toys, teddies, bedding. not to mention the increase in my electricity, gas, clothes, food and water bills to make sure she is warm, fed and clean and in clean clothes too. but of course he never sees this, he just thinks that i spend all my time shopping for me, getting my nails done n fart arsing around with guys. gggrrr men

Status: Offline

Jan 6th, 2012, 14:48 PM	#4
Laura2919 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 15,770	I would say he should help towards your petrol. £27 doesn't stretch very far when you have nappies, wipes, food and goodness knows what else you need to buy. I would just say I cant afford to keep doing it.

Status: Offline

Jan 6th, 2012, 17:08 PM	#5
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	Yeah I agree with the PPs (: Just explain to him that from now on, he will have to come to you if he wants to see LO as your a single parent, you can't afford any additional costs such as petrol. You need to use all your money to provide for your daughter. He needs to understand that you've been more than generous with what you've been doing, but you can't afford it. If he refuses to see your LO at yours, well it's his loss. It sounds harsh but there's nothing more you can do. It may be abit OTT, but basically say that if you pay for petrol you won't have the money to buy your LOs nappies (for example). You provide everything else for her, so he should help you with this little expense.

Status: Offline

Jan 9th, 2012, 09:23 AM	#6
chezziepie Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Surrey Posts: 2,354	well he either contributes to the petrol or gets the train each way imo.

Status: Offline

Jan 9th, 2012, 14:19 PM	#7
Bumpi Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Middlesbrough, UK Posts: 220	same as everyone else said .. its not up to you to have to find a way to get his daughter to him, if he wants to see her he should make the effort .. why should you be out of pocket ? xx

Status: Offline

Jan 10th, 2012, 08:14 AM	#8
ladyjayne Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 603	If he moved away from you then yes he should definiately be doing all the running around or paying for you to bring you LO to him and your return trip. My DH pays maintenance to his ex and we travel a 600mile round trip to see her every month at our expence. Its not her problem to be fair although when she travels down here to see her friends she brings SD and we get to have her which is lovely but not expected. However if you moved away from him then its a different story and the CSA do take it into consideration when calculating maintenance as its an extra cost for him to get to see his child that isnt really his fault. I dont know your situation but i thought id give a different perspective.

Status: Offline

User Name		Remember Me?
Password