|Jan 19th, 2012, 16:58 PM||#1|
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alabama, US
I Need Help.. Now. /: *Also in Teen Pregnancy
Hi all. I'm in a bit of a bind... Turns out my ex fiancee isn't my FOB. I know, I know. I'm stupid. We had broken up mid '10, and I found someone else. He's a bit younger than me, and he's the father. I went back and backtracked- I got pregnant in April, which is the first time we had sex, and he was the only one I had sex with at that time. Then my ex fiancee and I got back together in May after FOB and I broke up. Had sex mid-May. There's no way he's the father. I've checked all of my dates, and Zander's GA. Well.. I let my FOB know I was pregnant when I first suspected, but didn't claim he was his- I thought Z was ex fiancee's. Well, he denied him over and over without me accusing him. So we stopped talking because I was tired of his immaturity, etc. Well.. upon realizing Zander IS Kyle's, I let him know. And now, suddenly, he wants to be in our lives, when he denied him to begin with without me saying anything, and just randomly shows up when Zander's almost due? Idfts. I've been doing this alone for months, other than my family, and I'm doing just fine. ZANDER is doing just fine. I don't need OR want him. He randomly started texting me out of nowhere, and then flat out asked who the FOB is. I told him, and I also told him I'm going to be a single parent until I find my OH, and Zander and I will be just fine that way. Everything was fine and dandy, I told him he could still see Z and all, etc. We were getting along just fine. Well, he added me on FB again. I looked at his page...... Turns out, he's drinking again, and on probation. HE'S 16! That's RIDICULOUS. And all he posts ONLINE about, is someone going and buying him some booze, or coming to share a bottle, that type of thing. He's got a PO and has to have random tests and has failed at least one that I know of. Well.. He was drunk last night, and we were talking about Zander, and I found out he was shitfaced. I pretty much told him that he screwed himself over doing that when it comes to Zander. I don't want him near him, at all. Well, I never flat out said he couldn't see him or anything. Then he starts going on and on about how I'm not going to keep him from his child, that he'll take me to court for custody, he had already talked to PO about it and if things weren't settled by Monday she'd order a paternity test, etc. (keep in mind this is at like.. 3 a.m. so I'm not sure how he had "already spoken to her") I'm sitting here like "Really..? You're gonna try to fight me, a fit parent, for custody....." Idiot. ANYWAYS. I know he wouldn't really win, I mean, come on. He's a 16 year old guy, with a PO, has a drinking/drug/cigarette problem, and is suicidally depressed and cuts and all. (WTF was I thinking........... ) Well, he lied to me over and over last night saying that last night was the first time he had anything to drink since we broke up, etc. Bullshit. He posts all the time about being drunk and smoking/lighting up/etc, his friends told me that was a lie and he drinks all the time, and that his PO was because he was caught in possession, not ordered by his mom like he told me. Lies, lies, lies all the way around. Anyway. I don't know WHAT the fuck to do. I'm making myself pure sick because I'm so worried. My family still doesn't know he's FOB, and I want to keep it that way. I just don't know what to do... I'm not going after child support, not putting him on BC, any of that. I'm willing to let him see Zander as long as he straightens his act up and as long as I'm present the entire time. But I don't know if he'd really try and take me to court or not. I mean.. he's 16. He's an idiot, and he'd only screw himself over with the court system to see Z because of his habits and all of that. I guess basically I'm just asking is there anything I can really do? All I want is what's best for my son. And FOB is definitely NOT it. What choices do I have, if any? I don't want to involve any type of legal action if at all possible. And he's being bipolar and saying he doesn't either, then says he'll fight me. WTF. >.>
Anyways... After that long ass post.. Sorry bout that. I just really don't know what to do. On the one hand, I want my son to know his father. On the other, he's COMPLETELY unfit to be a father. None of this is out of spite from me though. I just want to protect my son... And hopefully keep my family from finding out because of age differences and all- that'd be bad... I'll be 18 in March. He'll be 17 in May. I know. I'm completely stupid. >.>
Someone please help. I don't know what to do, and I'm absolutely at my wit's end freaking out. I've never had a bigger regret than telling him about Zander.......
Or bring me FOB's head on a silver platter. That'd be even better. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it.
|Jan 21st, 2012, 21:01 PM||#2|
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Arizona, US
Your absolute best bet is to talk to a lawyer, before baby is born, about everything. They can tell you exactly what you can and can't (and should or shouldn't) do in this situation. A LOT of lawyers give free consultations. I had to talk to one about my situation, and didn't pay a dime. Just call around for a child custody/family matters lawyer that does a free consultation. Try to find one that will do at least an hour consultation. Type the entire story (short version though, so they'll actually read it) and give it to them at the beginning or when you give them the initial paperwork with your info on it. Then make sure that all (or at least most) of your questions are written down. Ask about likelihood of his gaining any sort of custody, best way to go about things, etc. In some states, it's best to put him on BC so that you can later relinquish rights, whereas in others, it's best not to put him on there so that he has no rights to begin with and has to actually fight for them. Your best bet will be to talk to a lawyer about any and all questions and concerns, and do it before baby is born if possible, that way you're prepared.
Trust me. It's a pain, its stressful, and it sucks. But it's worth it in the end when you are armed with all the information you can possibly gain. If possible, have a consultation with a couple of different lawyers to get different views and opinions and compare notes.
Good luck, hun! It's going to be a long and winding road for the next 18+ years, but it will be worth it for you baby's sake
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