LO at his dads for weekend :(

LTEx · Jan 20th, 2012, 14:04 PM

well jaydens gone to his dads until sunday

its only 2nd time he's ever gone for the weekend, so i do apologise to those who have to go through it every week, but im going mad

I know its good for jayden to spend time with his dad but i genuinely dont feel like he deserves to have him for a weekend just cos he decided to! My son needs a routine & a consistant one not just a weekend every 6 months

Some might disagree, or think im selfish but i just want him home & its only been 10 hours lol sorry for the length of this but just had to rant

xx

Crumbsx · Jan 20th, 2012, 15:40 PM

I personally don't think your speaking out of term, your just thinking of your sons best interests. A child needs routine and structure, and seeing his dad for the odd weekend every six months (or whenever he decides to have him) isn't good for your son. He should be able to say, for example: I live with my mummy all the time, but then once a month I go to my daddys for the weekend. Not: I live with my mummy all the time, then sometimes I go to daddy's, I don't know when though, he just comes and takes me sometimes.
But well done you for letting him go even though it probably makes you feel lost at home!

Spend this weekend having lots of me time and really relaxing (if that's possible!) you deserve it

LTEx · Jan 20th, 2012, 16:57 PM

ahhh reading that when you said it from jaydens point of view nearly made me cry lol i am such a wreck when i'km not with him

dont get me wrong, im grateful of the break but an hour tops is a good enough break for me lol

his dad will never see him consistantly & im only letting him go so nobody can say when jaydens older that i ever stopped him seeing his dad

hoping LO will wise up when he's older though haha xx

Crumbsx · Jan 20th, 2012, 17:23 PM

Oh no I'm sorry!

Your doing the right things, kids wise up pretty soon too! So I wouldn't be suprized if by the time he's six he's asking not to go (: but at least you've never stopped him and always given him the opportunity.
I know what you mean about breaks! I could do with a hour now and again, but an overnight would leave ME with separation anxiety lol

LTEx · Jan 20th, 2012, 17:27 PM

i think i just need to seperate myself from him abit hehe obviously not when we're together, which is all the time minus the 4 hours his dad sees him a week on a fridayy, but when he's away i need to learn to step back abit & not get so worked up .. Cant see that happening lol xx

Crumbsx · Jan 20th, 2012, 17:30 PM

Yeah I know what you mean, it will be good for both of you if you can do that (: but it will take time, after all he's your baby and you've been his sole carer for so long, it's hard to take that step back. Gradually though you'll start to feel more relaxed, as time goes on and as he gets older

LTEx · Jan 20th, 2012, 17:34 PM

i know, hopefully

my biggest fear is that jayden will grow up favouring his dad over me. He goes to his dads few hours, has a good time then comes home to me & all i seem to do is discipline him cos he misbehaves

i dont want him to see me as the mean one xx

Crumbsx · Jan 20th, 2012, 17:58 PM

Children need boundaries; you give him them, whereas his dad probably let's him run riot to win him over. But it won't work.

Who's the one who looks after him when he's poorly? Who kisses him better when he's grazed his knee? Who tucks him up in bed at night? Who he runs to all proud when he's made something in nursery? YOU. And it will always be you.

I can see both sides. My brother and his (now ex) fiancé split up when there son was 6 months old. My brother sees his son twice a week after school, then one day at the weekend. And yeah, he does kinda let him get away with stuff and buy him stuff all the time. To make up for not being there.

His son (my nephew) is 6 now, but he definately is a mummy's boy. Because his mums a full time parent, always there for him. Whereas (as awful as I sound saying this, although it can't be helped I guess) my brothers a part time parent.

It will be the same for you and your son, you'll have a mummies boy!

LTEx · Jan 20th, 2012, 18:08 PM

thanks thats cheered me up

& jaydens dad doesnt want to make up for the times he doesnt see him, he has the chance to see him everyday but chooses not to so his loss

just hope LO sees who's been there for him 24/7 & who is the one who just decides to be a parent when he's got no other plans xx

Crumbsx · Jan 21st, 2012, 04:22 AM

Oh then he definately will do!
Honestly, children realise whos the parent who actually cares and spends all there time with them. Compared to a part time dad who will see him if there isn't something better to do.

Jan 20th, 2012, 14:04 PM	#1
LTEx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 175	LO at his dads for weekend :( well jaydens gone to his dads until sunday its only 2nd time he's ever gone for the weekend, so i do apologise to those who have to go through it every week, but im going mad I know its good for jayden to spend time with his dad but i genuinely dont feel like he deserves to have him for a weekend just cos he decided to! My son needs a routine & a consistant one not just a weekend every 6 months Some might disagree, or think im selfish but i just want him home & its only been 10 hours lol sorry for the length of this but just had to rant xx

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Jan 20th, 2012, 15:40 PM	#2
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	I personally don't think your speaking out of term, your just thinking of your sons best interests. A child needs routine and structure, and seeing his dad for the odd weekend every six months (or whenever he decides to have him) isn't good for your son. He should be able to say, for example: I live with my mummy all the time, but then once a month I go to my daddys for the weekend. Not: I live with my mummy all the time, then sometimes I go to daddy's, I don't know when though, he just comes and takes me sometimes. But well done you for letting him go even though it probably makes you feel lost at home! Spend this weekend having lots of me time and really relaxing (if that's possible!) you deserve it

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 16:57 PM	#3
LTEx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 175	ahhh reading that when you said it from jaydens point of view nearly made me cry lol i am such a wreck when i'km not with him dont get me wrong, im grateful of the break but an hour tops is a good enough break for me lol his dad will never see him consistantly & im only letting him go so nobody can say when jaydens older that i ever stopped him seeing his dad hoping LO will wise up when he's older though haha xx

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 17:23 PM	#4
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	Oh no I'm sorry! Your doing the right things, kids wise up pretty soon too! So I wouldn't be suprized if by the time he's six he's asking not to go (: but at least you've never stopped him and always given him the opportunity. I know what you mean about breaks! I could do with a hour now and again, but an overnight would leave ME with separation anxiety lol

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 17:27 PM	#5
LTEx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 175	i think i just need to seperate myself from him abit hehe obviously not when we're together, which is all the time minus the 4 hours his dad sees him a week on a fridayy, but when he's away i need to learn to step back abit & not get so worked up .. Cant see that happening lol xx

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 17:30 PM	#6
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	Yeah I know what you mean, it will be good for both of you if you can do that (: but it will take time, after all he's your baby and you've been his sole carer for so long, it's hard to take that step back. Gradually though you'll start to feel more relaxed, as time goes on and as he gets older

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 17:34 PM	#7
LTEx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 175	i know, hopefully my biggest fear is that jayden will grow up favouring his dad over me. He goes to his dads few hours, has a good time then comes home to me & all i seem to do is discipline him cos he misbehaves i dont want him to see me as the mean one xx

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 17:58 PM	#8
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	Children need boundaries; you give him them, whereas his dad probably let's him run riot to win him over. But it won't work. Who's the one who looks after him when he's poorly? Who kisses him better when he's grazed his knee? Who tucks him up in bed at night? Who he runs to all proud when he's made something in nursery? YOU. And it will always be you. I can see both sides. My brother and his (now ex) fiancé split up when there son was 6 months old. My brother sees his son twice a week after school, then one day at the weekend. And yeah, he does kinda let him get away with stuff and buy him stuff all the time. To make up for not being there. His son (my nephew) is 6 now, but he definately is a mummy's boy. Because his mums a full time parent, always there for him. Whereas (as awful as I sound saying this, although it can't be helped I guess) my brothers a part time parent. It will be the same for you and your son, you'll have a mummies boy!

Status: Offline

Jan 20th, 2012, 18:08 PM	#9
LTEx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 175	thanks thats cheered me up & jaydens dad doesnt want to make up for the times he doesnt see him, he has the chance to see him everyday but chooses not to so his loss just hope LO sees who's been there for him 24/7 & who is the one who just decides to be a parent when he's got no other plans xx

Status: Offline

Jan 21st, 2012, 04:22 AM	#10
Crumbsx Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Manchester Posts: 455	Oh then he definately will do! Honestly, children realise whos the parent who actually cares and spends all there time with them. Compared to a part time dad who will see him if there isn't something better to do.

Status: Offline

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