My partner and I split up a week ago, yes I know it's still early and the wound is still fresh, but by the way him and his family have been hurting me so much over the past week, I know it's well and truly over between us now.
Here is the hard bit...
Over the week I had agreed for him to see our son Harvey, he's seen him every day! Today, is the first time he was not able to see Harvey and that was because he cancelled the agreement. He couldn't see him today because of 'commitments' or bogus interviews I call them. I don't know if he is truly having these interviews... regardless, he cancelled and I agreed to let him have Harvey from 12-6pm on Saturday.
I'm just so broken. He has finally stopped texting me nasty things, but now... I've got his mother on my case!!! 'He needs more access then this!' (ahem... You have seen him everyday, what more do you want?) & 'We treated you like a daughter, welcomed you into our family and now you deny us access to our grandchild' (again, as above) They are mainly bitter because I wont let Harvey spend the night there...
... Harvey is less then 4 weeks old!!!!!
I just need strength ladies. I keep thinking about throwing the towel and letting them have a night with Harvey, but I have been so leniant towards how often he has our son that I am making myself ill being seperated from him so much.
I even agreed to 12 hours on Tuesday! 9am till 9pm and it nearly killed me! I was so ill from axiety and seperation, I couldn't eat, drink, sleep... all I wanted was my boy.
I wrote down what access he could have, and it consisted of two evenings a week at 4-8pm and one weekend at 12-6pm. I thought it was fair, they didn't. They want Harvey to live with them, and for me to see him during the day... bollocks to that.
The more I look into it, the more I realise how generous I am being. I know so many dads who don't get to see their children, or maybe 1 weekend a month and so on and so forth. FOB should be greatful, but he isn't... I am now starting to think, is it really Harvey he wants or is he just trying to get back at me?
FOB is on JSA and has no job, no income, doesn't drive, lives at home with his mum, dad and sister, history of violence, drugs and alcohol abuse and has a filthy temper!
Me... Full time job, mortgage, car, money, income and no criminal history.
I keep giving him the benefit of doubt, and letting things slip and keep trying to agree to what I have said about access, but he wont, he is being nasty about it.
- Do I start giving up now and fight fire with fire? I really don't want too
First... Your Harvey is adorable!! Second... stick to your guns! I would not be able to part with my child overnight especially since he's so young. I don't have any children yet and I'm only 13 weeks but I'm just thinking ahead and its going to be hard. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't agree to have him stay there nights and you get him during the day. That is BS!! It seems to me that his mother is being selfish and as you being Harvey's mother you have a right to determine when and where they see him. If they want more, they can take you to court. But it sounds like you are a better fit for your son anyway so I wouldn't worry.
you need to put your foot down!
what on earth was you doing letting a baby stay out till 9pm to then be disrupted by bringing him home!
i think you have had your emotions played with,your vunerable right now so soon after the birth and the split and they seem to be trying every angle!
don't let them bully you and run you down,baby needs routine and you!
i would cut the hours right down and if he not happy he can go court!your gunna end up preventing yourself from having a happy bond with your son if your never alone with him x
i would get that sorted through court the reason being is that they might use your generosity against you by trying to prove to social services that you giving so much access because you want your own time and abandoning your boy(he is Cute)i think you giving them to much access already and dont give them Harvey over night.
I know how you feel hun, it is hard, but be strong. He is only a newborn, and he needs to be with you. Write down what you feel comfortable with, and if they dont like it, then they will have to take it further. As he gets older then yes, you may feel comfortable with them having him for a night, but right now, hes way too young imo.
Im going through the same situation as you sort of, so if you want to talk, then feel free to pm me.
like PP's have said, stick to your guns love. 4 weeks old is way too young IMO to let a child sleep out. They shouldn't be pressuring you into something like that. Having access everyday is more than what some grandparents get, they should be very grateful! You could of been bitter about the breakup but you're more mature than that, so they should thank themselves you're being grown up about the situation xxx
FOB came and saw me today when he came to pick Harvey up. He wanted to talk...
So we sat in the kitchen and talked. He said he agreed to what I had written down for the next week (up until the 13th March) but after that, HE got to decide the terms... and he wanted 24hours access. I just said as calmly as I could...
'no that's not going to happen...'
'I think you'll find it is. You decided this week, I am deciding the week after and I want him overnight and during the day.'
Well, it progressed and eventually I said...
'If you feel as though the access I have given you isn't enough and you think you can get more, well, you know what to do.'
- I didn't mention the word 'court' but, it would be intresting if he did try and take me to court for access. He's already been told he wouldn't get as much as I am offering.
It's just about him spitting his dummy and getting his own way!
well done you. there is no way i would have let my baby stay with anybody over night at that age even if it was his own father. My husband has drug problems and at the minute hasn't asked to spend any time with our baby but i'm not sure i'd even let him take baby out of the house becuase of it so your very brave given his history.
your baby is gorgeous, i'm sorry for having such a difficult time when you should just be spoiling him xxxx
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