Sorry for the long rant, need to get this off my chest

My FOB and I have been sort of split up now for 5 months (dumped me because he categorically did not want children) I kept my babba (due in 5 weeks time) and I just thought the pain of not being together/not being a family would go away but it hasn't yet. We have been talking / texting on and off for the past two months and it just didnt go anywhere. We met up two weeks ago and the spark was still there but he looked tired, pale and stressed (job,life,etc) and we made out for a bit, which I should not have done as it made me feel a bit weak again, like I was taking him back despite everything.He didnt organise to see me again either. He is so wrapped up in himself its unreal. Today I nearly lost the plot, on his facebook page he posts to a woman (that um, sort of looks like his friends Mother?) that his friend would freak if he knew they met up and that 'dinner was nice hey '-I took that as meaning they went on a date!! I was inconsolable and after nearly two weeks of not contacting him, I asked him if he was seeing someone new. Of course he denied it and said no he absolutely wasn't and that he was moving abroad as planned and he couldnt handle the stress of dating anyway?? of course it could be entirely innocent but he is saying things now like he needs time alone, away, he doesnt know about anything anymore, people in general are upsetting him and I got what I wanted didn't I!

Why, oh why do I still love such a tool?. I could beg on my hands and knees for him to come back and support his unborn child and I think he would give me a oneliner about how he has no life or his life is shit. I genuinely also think that if I was in hospital for an emergency right now, the man would do nothing. and yet two weeks ago he sent me this poem?? go figure. How to make me suffer

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours.

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause.

For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.


I also had a woman in work today question me about why my man had left me and what a horrible person he was (I agreed until she got snobby) She said 'well I am so glad I have a supportive hubby and that I can rely on him for everything, he even drove 20 miles across town when I was pregnant to get my favourite ice cream' I just glared at her and said 'well, that's nice, I also thought my boyfriend was 'supportive' and I could 'rely' on him and then he left me, don't be so sure that ANY man you choose to be with, will not do the same or similar to you one day if it suits him hun.

He sounds like a total headfuck hun!

If he knocked on your door tomorrow and asked you to try again would that really be the best thing to do!!??
I don't think so. He left you at your most vulnerable - pregnant with his baby!
He's let you down, he's no man. Having a baby will throw obstacles at you and life will throw it's fair share. If you were back together what would he do then - bail again!?
He's even worse because it seems like he's still got you on a string, making out with you that pathetic poem!!

Honestly I think showing his true colours now before the baby is born has done you both a favour in the long term - he would have been no good!
He needs a man like that!!!
You'll be a great mummy you've already shown that by keeping your LO and growing him while things have been so difficult for you!!

I know how you're feeling hun, I really do!! My baby was planned and FOB left me when I was 13 weeks. I found out "officially" on Sat that he'd got with his girlfriend only 6 weeks later and within 2 months they are living together! (we were engaged and together 6 years)
Spent all day yesterday sobbing and saying "I just want the pain to go away". It's so raw, however even if he hadn't got a girlfriend from 30 weeks pregnant I got stronger and realised that I did not want a man like that with me. If he could do that to me then how is he gonna be years down the line when the shit hits the fan.
I'm usually quite weak but now I'm gonna be strong because I have an innocent little boy he depends on me and I believe I'm a good person and did not deserve to be treated like that. My son deserves his mum to have a nice man and a good role model in his life.

I love your response to that woman - brilliant!!
How dare she say that!!! Just proves that people can be so naive and think that situations like that won't happen to them! I would have never have imagined for him to do half the things he's done to me!

Sounds like you're doing well, I think you should cut off all ties with him - that is the only way you are gonna heal babe!
Say if you want access or to be a part of LOs life, then the door is open but as for you and him that is it and not to contact you again.
It's hard but will help you to move on.

** i am a hypocrite, I can give advice but sometimes can't apply it to myself!! Lol! You'll prob see a depressed post from me soon!! Lol!
I can see honestly though that things are becoming easier and I'm not crying as much. Some days are better than others!! **

Big hug Hun
Xxxxx

Aww thanks for your post hun, it really cheered me up to hear such encouraging things, and this forum (although I wish we were all happy and not in the positions we are in) gives great comfort and it does help to know others are going through the same thing. I do think most days that I have been saved further grief if he stayed for the pregnancy as yes, he is liable to just bail when things get tough. I am glad he has his heart set on going abroad as he lives five mins away from me now and I just do not want to bump into him when I have my son with me incase he sees him and changes his mind.

Lol - That you said he is a headfuck, that's exactly what everyone else tells me as he messes with peoples heads and thinks very, very much of himself in the most obscure way. My Mum just made me see more sense last night and said 'listen to me!! you do not want a man like that influencing your son, he will mess with his little head and undo all the lovely work you will do in making him a loving, good little boy..sometimes there is a reason some men bugger off, they are never meant to be fathers and should have got a vasectomy at 18!!'

He sounds quite like my ex, he also has the ability to headfuck. IMO, as much as I know it's hard, try and move on. I spent a long time hoping my ex would 'snap out of it' and face up to the fact he has responsibility to our children... I've given up waiting now.

When our baby was 3 months old he got admitted with suspected meningitis. I called the ex expecting him to drop everything and either look after our older children or at least come and see our baby who was covered in rash with a drip hanging out his arm and he did neither, didn't even leave work. People like that do nothing but let you down and sadly, from my experience, I think they are incapable of change. When I see my ex sometimes it feels like we are still together how crazy close we are but then he leaves and it's smack back down to reality again.

Thinking of you hun. I know how difficult it feels, especially when you're pregnant (I was 6 weeks pregnant when my ex ditched me). Put all your love into your lovely baby and show him what he's missed out on because there will come a time when he will turn around and kick himself for what he gave up.

"We are vulnerable, but we don't want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we'll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us. We don't want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters." Thought this applied. Everyone always wants to blame you for anything bad that happens for this reason.

I just want to give you the biggest cuddle possible, because i know exactly how you feel in every way possible. my sons dad was exactly the same :'( and my baby is nearly 1 now, and i still love my ex more than life itself, and could also get down on my knees and beg for him back. it does get easier, some days are better than others... just keep busy hunny, you deserve so much more. and ignore the snobby sny comments, they know nothing... xxxxxxxxx

Love that, where is it from?x

An article about people who had believed they'd dropped their kid off somewhere, but they hadn't and their baby died as a result. (A very human error) Sounds bad but the article was quite good and I thought this quote applied to anything bad in life, not just those people.

sometimes we have to keep getting hurt until we finally get fed up and say enough is enough

we know we should leave and stay away but we all hold on to that hope that because we have a child with them they cant just cut the connection with you

took me a few goes of getting hurt and i can honestly say it was worth it
i needed to have it keep happening until i woke up and snapped back into reality and realised i deserved better-untill you realise that your still vunerable to them