Single parent + Bonding :S

ladedar · Apr 13th, 2012, 18:35 PM

Just wondering if anyone else has had trouble bonding with their child after FOB left?

I was still pregnant when FOB left and he hasnt seen our child since she was a couple weeks old and that was over 3 years ago.

I feel like such a bad person for feeling like I do, but i cant help it. If circumstances were different im pretty certain I would feel different.

Dont get me wrong my child is well looked after and spoilt but I dont in anyway feel like im a mum. Is that a bad thing?

Lemonflower · Apr 13th, 2012, 21:13 PM

Some women get this even if FOB hasn't left so don't feel guilty, it happens too many women. I'd speak to a doctor and see what they can do.

xxxx

davidjoemum · Apr 14th, 2012, 04:11 AM

some of them do not bond well with baby i left my baby dad when i was 5 months pregnant(we now together after worked out issues)until my son was 2 months and my bond was very strong but maybe because i dont have anybody else my parents are dead so my babies(i have 2 kids now) is the only i have

angelpkj · Apr 14th, 2012, 09:31 AM

i really struggled
i felt hard done by-left with a baby and it was all down to me and FOB had it easy while my life had been turned totally upside down

when he would cancel on LO to go out etc it would drive me mad i would feel abit of resentment towards LO like it was all a burdon

it took me ages to bond with him-LO is a year old almost and i think now i finally feel that true rush of love the full on emotion etc to the full extent

when LO was born i couldn't say i loved him-IMO how can you love someone you have just met it kinda felt like
but now i love him so so much
i finally feel like a proper mum and i find it so much more rewarding now and feel we have a close bond

sometimes the fact that fob left and what fob does can shine a negative light on being a mum cause your too busy still being angry i think its only natural in that case to not be able to bond properly

ladedar · Apr 14th, 2012, 13:57 PM

I have been to the docs more times then i care to think about over the past 3 years seen 4 differant councillors? on the waiting list to see a 5th ( you only get so many sessions hence the amount of councillors) Nothing has been successful in changing my way of thinking.

Its got to a point where i dont even tell the people closest to me how im feeling because they tell me i should be ok by now as its been a long time.

What im told i should be feeling i dont, I wanted my child to have a mum and a dad, but because fob left i feel im a failure 'cause i cant give her the family unit i wanted too.

teal · Apr 15th, 2012, 01:58 AM

Awww sweetie

there's never a time limit on how long it takes to feel better and I'm sorry when you've tried to talk people tell you that you should be ok

My ex broke up with me when I was 4 weeks pregnant and has no contact with me or my son. I don't feel like I had any bonding issues but I did develop postpartum depression.

At times on bad days I do feel like I'm a failure so I understand those feelings but you're really not. You are from far a failure because even when your ex walked out you were there for your little one. You're stonger than you think.

Sending you lots of hugs xx

Junebug27 · Apr 15th, 2012, 08:54 AM

The first thing you HAVE to know is that you CANNOT control your feelings. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are. It is how you address them and deal with your situation which determine whether it's healthy or unhealthy. The fact that you have been actively seeking help instead of pushing those feelings aside is the hardest step and you are awesome for pursuing this. You know that you are caring for your child's needs and the fact that you are concerned about your bond with your child shows tha you are a mom and not just a mother already. Don't hold it in! Keep talking about it and making memories with your child. You never know when a breakthrough can happen and even the smallest events can make a difference!

Apr 13th, 2012, 18:35 PM	#1
ladedar Other New BnB member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 2	Single parent + Bonding :S Just wondering if anyone else has had trouble bonding with their child after FOB left? I was still pregnant when FOB left and he hasnt seen our child since she was a couple weeks old and that was over 3 years ago. I feel like such a bad person for feeling like I do, but i cant help it. If circumstances were different im pretty certain I would feel different. Dont get me wrong my child is well looked after and spoilt but I dont in anyway feel like im a mum. Is that a bad thing?

Status: Offline

Apr 13th, 2012, 21:13 PM	#2
Lemonflower Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: UK Posts: 371	Some women get this even if FOB hasn't left so don't feel guilty, it happens too many women. I'd speak to a doctor and see what they can do. xxxx

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2012, 04:11 AM	#3
davidjoemum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: kent Posts: 762	some of them do not bond well with baby i left my baby dad when i was 5 months pregnant(we now together after worked out issues)until my son was 2 months and my bond was very strong but maybe because i dont have anybody else my parents are dead so my babies(i have 2 kids now) is the only i have

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2012, 09:31 AM	#4
angelpkj Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 363	i really struggled i felt hard done by-left with a baby and it was all down to me and FOB had it easy while my life had been turned totally upside down when he would cancel on LO to go out etc it would drive me mad i would feel abit of resentment towards LO like it was all a burdon it took me ages to bond with him-LO is a year old almost and i think now i finally feel that true rush of love the full on emotion etc to the full extent when LO was born i couldn't say i loved him-IMO how can you love someone you have just met it kinda felt like but now i love him so so much i finally feel like a proper mum and i find it so much more rewarding now and feel we have a close bond sometimes the fact that fob left and what fob does can shine a negative light on being a mum cause your too busy still being angry i think its only natural in that case to not be able to bond properly

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2012, 13:57 PM	#5
ladedar Other New BnB member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 2	I have been to the docs more times then i care to think about over the past 3 years seen 4 differant councillors? on the waiting list to see a 5th ( you only get so many sessions hence the amount of councillors) Nothing has been successful in changing my way of thinking. Its got to a point where i dont even tell the people closest to me how im feeling because they tell me i should be ok by now as its been a long time. What im told i should be feeling i dont, I wanted my child to have a mum and a dad, but because fob left i feel im a failure 'cause i cant give her the family unit i wanted too.

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 01:58 AM	#6
teal Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 12,868	Awww sweetie there's never a time limit on how long it takes to feel better and I'm sorry when you've tried to talk people tell you that you should be ok My ex broke up with me when I was 4 weeks pregnant and has no contact with me or my son. I don't feel like I had any bonding issues but I did develop postpartum depression. At times on bad days I do feel like I'm a failure so I understand those feelings but you're really not. You are from far a failure because even when your ex walked out you were there for your little one. You're stonger than you think. Sending you lots of hugs xx

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 08:54 AM	#7
Junebug27 Pregnant (Expecting) New BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 7	The first thing you HAVE to know is that you CANNOT control your feelings. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are. It is how you address them and deal with your situation which determine whether it's healthy or unhealthy. The fact that you have been actively seeking help instead of pushing those feelings aside is the hardest step and you are awesome for pursuing this. You know that you are caring for your child's needs and the fact that you are concerned about your bond with your child shows tha you are a mom and not just a mother already. Don't hold it in! Keep talking about it and making memories with your child. You never know when a breakthrough can happen and even the smallest events can make a difference!

Status: Offline

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