Mad at myself

Dream.dream · Apr 15th, 2012, 01:15 AM

my sons sperm donor ditch today so he could go out with his girlfriend to visit her family.
i had a really crappy dad growing up. he only ever cared about him self( still does) and would blow me off and not show up and make me promise he wouldnt keep.
im mad at myself for making my son have a dad like that too. I dont think it fair that for me to be his mother he has to have a dumbarse for a dad.

My mom keeps telling me not to project my feelings for my dad onto my sons situation but how cant i when i know how hes going to feel someday? I dont want him to have to go through the pain i did growing up because my dad cared more about himself then me. People keep saying his dad will grow up eventually but im sick of hearing it, hes had 4 years to grow up and hasnt and i dont think he should get much longer to straighten his stuff out

davidjoemum · Apr 15th, 2012, 02:53 AM

Dont worry darling it's not your fault sperm donor is ass...at least your Lo got wonderful mum! Xxx

Dezireey · Apr 15th, 2012, 04:13 AM

Try and use your own experience to make things better for your son and you will find that as you go along you may recognise signs of him being let down earlier rather than later. I also think boys deal with things a lot differently than girls as they grow up, so he may very well cope better than you did growing up him being a boy and man far better than a daughter would. e.g boys have tendencies to be 'mummies boys' and girls can be ' daddies girls'. Just provide him with all the love YOU have and that is all you can do hun

dustbunny · Apr 15th, 2012, 10:06 AM

No no no no no... don't give him the excuse that one day he might grow up... well... what if you had taken the same kind of backwards thinking route he had and left all your responsibilities for the same one day?? In my opinion you do not wait around and then one day decide to be a part of something, the minute you have sex [or at least find out your pregnant] both you and HE should be involved.
You can not help but use past experiences to gauge how you react to situations now, that is human nature. You can only do what is best for LO in your eyes and keep doing it. Stay strong and positive in yourself.

jemmie1994 · Apr 15th, 2012, 10:29 AM

He's an arse hun! i wouldnt let Evie be alone with her dad 1.cos she's too young 2.cos he's too rough with her and gets very angry and 3. (this is the one that applies ,sorry i tend to go on abit lol) He lets EVERYONE down and I'm not having him doing that to my baby girl tell him to buck his ideas up and get his priorities straight if he want to have a good relationship with his kid

Dream.dream · Apr 15th, 2012, 22:53 PM

hes not aloud to be alone with him, hes basically got the most minimal rights and responsiblities and cant take care of them. he has another one on the way so i know its just going to get worse. my sons 3 and he knows daddy ditched him and asks why he didnt come. it makes me angry.

i know that hes not going to grow up but everyone say i have to give him a chance. im really debating going back to court and getting his visitation revoked

angelpkj · Apr 16th, 2012, 05:17 AM

i know how you feel i felt the same about my FOB felt like i'd ruined his life by choosing to keep him knowing he will grow up with such a crap FOB

i've stopped contact so that LO won't go thru that plus other reasons

i suppose you just have to grin and bare it,maybe cut contact down if he struggles to commit to having LO every sat etc make it 2 sats a month that way he is less likely to let LO down

LO will grow up and realise who was there for him just like you have xx

angelpkj · Apr 16th, 2012, 05:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dream.dream

hes not aloud to be alone with him, hes basically got the most minimal rights and responsiblities and cant take care of them. he has another one on the way so i know its just going to get worse. my sons 3 and he knows daddy ditched him and asks why he didnt come. it makes me angry.

i know that hes not going to grow up but everyone say i have to give him a chance. im really debating going back to court and getting his visitation revoked

don't waste money just stop it
if my FOB gets contact center with my LO i'm gunna wait till he messes up Twice maybe 3 times then stop contact again

when it/if it goes back to court and they ask why i stopped i have my reasons again

if fob can't stick to the agreement you make in court then why should you-works both ways and court will realise it was his own actions that caused the problem

Apr 15th, 2012, 01:15 AM	#1
Dream.dream Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 1,377	Mad at myself my sons sperm donor ditch today so he could go out with his girlfriend to visit her family. i had a really crappy dad growing up. he only ever cared about him self( still does) and would blow me off and not show up and make me promise he wouldnt keep. im mad at myself for making my son have a dad like that too. I dont think it fair that for me to be his mother he has to have a dumbarse for a dad. My mom keeps telling me not to project my feelings for my dad onto my sons situation but how cant i when i know how hes going to feel someday? I dont want him to have to go through the pain i did growing up because my dad cared more about himself then me. People keep saying his dad will grow up eventually but im sick of hearing it, hes had 4 years to grow up and hasnt and i dont think he should get much longer to straighten his stuff out

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Apr 15th, 2012, 02:53 AM	#2
davidjoemum Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: kent Posts: 762	Dont worry darling it's not your fault sperm donor is ass...at least your Lo got wonderful mum! Xxx

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Apr 15th, 2012, 04:13 AM	#3
Dezireey Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Devon, UK Posts: 958	Try and use your own experience to make things better for your son and you will find that as you go along you may recognise signs of him being let down earlier rather than later. I also think boys deal with things a lot differently than girls as they grow up, so he may very well cope better than you did growing up him being a boy and man far better than a daughter would. e.g boys have tendencies to be 'mummies boys' and girls can be ' daddies girls'. Just provide him with all the love YOU have and that is all you can do hun

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 10:06 AM	#4
dustbunny Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Somerset Posts: 1,664	No no no no no... don't give him the excuse that one day he might grow up... well... what if you had taken the same kind of backwards thinking route he had and left all your responsibilities for the same one day?? In my opinion you do not wait around and then one day decide to be a part of something, the minute you have sex [or at least find out your pregnant] both you and HE should be involved. You can not help but use past experiences to gauge how you react to situations now, that is human nature. You can only do what is best for LO in your eyes and keep doing it. Stay strong and positive in yourself.

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 10:29 AM	#5
jemmie1994 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Manchester Posts: 2,681	He's an arse hun! i wouldnt let Evie be alone with her dad 1.cos she's too young 2.cos he's too rough with her and gets very angry and 3. (this is the one that applies ,sorry i tend to go on abit lol) He lets EVERYONE down and I'm not having him doing that to my baby girl tell him to buck his ideas up and get his priorities straight if he want to have a good relationship with his kid

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 22:53 PM	#6
Dream.dream Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 1,377	hes not aloud to be alone with him, hes basically got the most minimal rights and responsiblities and cant take care of them. he has another one on the way so i know its just going to get worse. my sons 3 and he knows daddy ditched him and asks why he didnt come. it makes me angry. i know that hes not going to grow up but everyone say i have to give him a chance. im really debating going back to court and getting his visitation revoked

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 05:17 AM	#7
angelpkj Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 363	i know how you feel i felt the same about my FOB felt like i'd ruined his life by choosing to keep him knowing he will grow up with such a crap FOB i've stopped contact so that LO won't go thru that plus other reasons i suppose you just have to grin and bare it,maybe cut contact down if he struggles to commit to having LO every sat etc make it 2 sats a month that way he is less likely to let LO down LO will grow up and realise who was there for him just like you have xx

Status: Offline

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