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Old Apr 24th, 2016, 04:40 AM   1
xxsteffyxx
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Family life shattered into a million pieces.


Hi everyone.

In theory I shouldn't be here yet, my son has no diagnosis but school, care workers, health visitors know that there is something 'wrong' with our son.

He had a traumatic birth, too that off with the last 12 months of hell being moved around from pillar to post after being made homeless. Harvey has been to 4 different preschools in the last 12 months. I don't blame him, it's not like we had it planned.

His personality is jekel and Hyde. One minute he is happy, loving, a lovely little boy and the next minute he is another level angry. He threw a chair at a teacher, slapped his teacher, kicks me and my husbands, spits, swears, ignores us, tells us he wants to kill us, he just hates everyone. One minute he wants something and when he gets it he doesn't want it. I can't take him shopping because he will be awful, he will make everyone around him stop and stare. Make my husband and I look like bad people, tell everyone that we beat him. He is 4.

All of our care workers know that something is wrong with Harvey. They just don't know whether it is autism, or something different yet. So they know that my husband and I are doing what we can to support him.

My husband is also disabled, both physically and suffers with split personality and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) after being in the military. He struggles with the outbursts, trying to hold back his natural defence mechanism that is to lash out. Apart from smacking Harvey's bottom (I am not looking for a debate, this is just something we have tried.) he has never laid a finger on Harvey, neither have I.

Last night at 7pm was normal bedtime, Harvey ended up falling asleep at 11.30pm after breaking down a door, throwing himself against a wall and screaming his head off for that long. For no reason. He wanted someone to lay with him, I did it. He wanted me to leave, I did. He wanted a drink, I got it, he threw it against the wall. I don't give into him all the time, but certain things I try because I want to support him. My husband gets involved as much as he can.

My husband is not Harvey's biological father, Harvey's biological father I know little about. He lied a lot to me whilst we were together. All I know is he had a problem with his legs as a child (something Harvey also has) and he went to a special needs school for children with learning disabilities. That's all I know. He also spent a lot of his childhood getting into trouble, hurting people, being expelled from mainstream school. I don't know if this was due to just being a 'naughty child' or whether there was more under the surface.

Now my husband and I struggle on a daily basis. We wanted another child. Now we have given up on the idea because we just cannot cope with the idea, if Harvey is aggressive to us what would he be like with a baby? I can't bare the thought of it. My husband is almost in tears knowing he will never have a biological child.

We have tried everything to curve the aggression, the temper, the anger. I find myself being pulled into the office every other day due to Harvey's behaviour at school. Teachers thinking that it's something to do with my husband and I because of the things Harvey comes out with.

I feel like family life has been ripped apart.



 
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Old Apr 24th, 2016, 06:25 AM   2
alibaba24
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Hi, First off im so sorry you are going through such a hard time with your son. Have you had any referals for your son to go for some testing for possible adhd/ autism or anything like that? If not that would be my first stop. I am not saying he has any of those things but if you can rule it out it may be all the better. Iv not got any words of wisdom for this type of aggression but my daughter often says " i hate..." i think she finds it hard to control her emotions . I think it must be normal to a degree but what you describe sounds quite extreme.. I hope another parent can help you more



 
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Old Apr 30th, 2016, 16:32 PM   3
Reid
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I'm really sad to read your having such a hard time. Like the previous poster said I would go down the route of testing for autism adhd ect and take it from there.
My son's just turned 5 and was diagnosed with autism in October last year some of his behaviours are similar to your son's but it could be down to the moving about alot of children especially those on the autistic spectrum like routine and hopefully now you're settled where you are he ll hopefully settle to. Try a daily routine and see if that helps him also if you can create a quite zone for him a pop up tent a corner of his room and when he's getting annoyed ask him to go to his chill out zone I find it helps my son come round faster from a meltdown and we dont have a big house so it's just a pop up tent with a beanbag in it.
Keep pushing for him to be seen even if it's to rule out things
I hope things get better for you all soon xxx



 
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Old May 2nd, 2016, 04:18 AM   4
xxsteffyxx
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Well we have now been to the doctors and the doctor seems to think that he is along the ADHD route, although his school disagrees. He seems to be happier at school and is able to do other things, his aggression is much calmer at school. In fact he rarely has any outbursts at all.

So the doctor has asked me to get written information from both health visitor and school, before a referral can be sent over. What I might do is go back to Harvey's other school and ask them for some information too because it was at that school that Harvey threw a chair at a teacher and lashed out a lot more.

Fingers crossed.



 
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Old May 2nd, 2016, 04:51 AM   5
Reid
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxsteffyxx View Post
Well we have now been to the doctors and the doctor seems to think that he is along the ADHD route, although his school disagrees. He seems to be happier at school and is able to do other things, his aggression is much calmer at school. In fact he rarely has any outbursts at all.

So the doctor has asked me to get written information from both health visitor and school, before a referral can be sent over. What I might do is go back to Harvey's other school and ask them for some information too because it was at that school that Harvey threw a chair at a teacher and lashed out a lot more.

Fingers crossed.
Don't let them fob you off if you really feel there's something there.
What you said about your son being fine at school is actually not uncommon with children on the spectrum especially the higher functioning end. Becoming an autism parent I set up a local faceboook page for parents in the area so we all share experiences ect
1 has a little girl of 5 in mainstream school she dose well in school but when she comes home that's when the busy day processing all that's went on in school like sensory overload kicks In resulting in a meltdown. Also for a child that has any kind of sensory processing issues school is predictable to them like set routine they know what's going to happen next which is another reason he may remain calm in school.
Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is go with your gut feeling amd don't let the school put you off even if it's just to rule out any of these things.
What I would do now is start keeping a diary as evidence so to speak this can help to take to any appointments cause you do forgot alot of things and it may help establish any pattern in his behaviour for example is he worse or better on some days the days he's worse what's different dose he do different things at school pe or something. Sorry I'm rambling on a bit lol
It's just things I've done with my son he's limited speech and was coming home from nursery and going into major meltdown I found it was because he was sleeping on the bus home getting woke up when he arrived home he didn't have time to process what was going on and getting flung off the bus at the same to was to much for him but when they wake him 10 mins or so before he's due to be dropped of he has time to process where he is and where he's going as it takes him longer to process things xx



 
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Old May 4th, 2016, 14:44 PM   6
lusterleaf
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I am glad you are seeing a doctor about him, it sounds like he needs to be evaluated, I took my son to a pediatric neurologist and he said that if a child that young is a danger to himself, or others he will prescribe meds, not sure that you would want to go that route though... and I would definitely just start documenting everything and also yes, get reports from his old school where the lashing out incident happened.



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Old May 9th, 2016, 20:44 PM   7
daneuse27
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I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you face raising your son.... Do you have access to potentially seeing a child psychologist? Perhaps he is on the spectrum, but there could be many reasons for his severe behaviour. I would want as many opinions, and perspectives as possible to get to the bottom of it, and get all the help he needs.



 
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Old May 9th, 2016, 21:03 PM   8
OnErth&InHvn
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My first thought was bipolar. My 9yr old with BPD acts this way. Its like a light switch in her.

My 8 and 11yr olds have ADHD and dont act out.



 
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Old May 13th, 2016, 21:28 PM   9
hotpinklily84
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I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this....it sounds like a nightmare a nightmare I'm kinda familiar with I have two kids with autism and both have had anger and aggression problems. I take them to a psychiatrist and they are on meds to help them cope...it is one of the best decisions I have had made. Do I like the idea of my kids needed meds every day no...but I have seen positive changes in them and I am no longer pulling my hair out and in tears over there behavior. I've seen a 90% differences in there behavior.



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Old Aug 26th, 2016, 15:47 PM   10
adrie
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The first thing I thought when reading was ODD or oppositional defiant disorder.

I feel like regular health professionals automatically think ADHD.



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