Hi everyone, It's been ages since I was on here--and never on this board. My sweet 4-yr-old son has just been diagnosed with Development Coordination Disorder. Initially I was relieved, glad it isn't anything worse, and that I can finally put a name to his problems. But now it's hitting me: my boy will struggle. He isn't going to just snap out of it or catch up to his peers. I really, really don't want that for him! He's just a little guy! Doors shouldn't be closing already. I'm sad for him. I realize this isn't a death sentence, but it still sucks.
This is a pointless post I guess. Sorry. I think the hardest thing is the loss of hope. I mean, I knew there was a problem--he can't catch a ball, can barely jump or kick a ball, he's not fully toilet trained, he has trouble dressing and negotiating stairs--but I hoped things would change and he'd catch up. Now that we have a diagnosis, that hope is gone.
I don't mean to be a downer. Just wondering if anyone has any advice. I've been feeling really sad and anxious about this.
Of course it's perfectly natural to feel that way, I always suspected something wasn't right with my daughter but nothing what so ever could have prepared me for the moment they sat me down and told me my daughter is possibly autistic has learning difficulties and is globally delayed. I just remembered thinking oh my God what life will she have what if something happens to me and her dad what will happen to her. Stupid things like will she ever marry have children, will she be struggling all her life, and what about school I was sure she'd be bullied. Then i was told she would need a special school and I thought she'll be excluded from everything no one will want to be friends with her, she'll go to no bday party's. Fast forward 6 months and yes she isn't potty trained and doesn't have alot of speech, can get upset at the smallest of things, doesn't really interact and struggles with stairs but do you know what I wouldn't change a thing, she is the happiest most cuddling little girl you could meet, I find her special little ways is what makes my daughter my daughter. Yes she is different from other children her age but so what, she isn't like everyone else she's unique. She's been to a bday party and had lots of friends at her nursery. She is now starting a special school and the other children ate amazing, when my daughter went for a visit the children not the teacher but the children all went and made her a huge welcome card, they really look after her and my daughter loves it and has lots of friends. best thing I can say is don't think of the future no one knows what could happen just concentrate on the now. Things will seem hard now but believe me it will get so much better. I can honestly say if someone said to me they could wave a magic wand and make my daughter like everyone else I'd tell them no cause she's perfect as she is.
You little boy sounds lovely and I'm sure things will look brighter in time.
Thank you smurff. That's very kind. I know I have to take it day by day. Fortunately, I am not sad for ME, as I never had dreams of my son being some star athlete or anything (as I know some parents do). I couldn't love my boy more. In a way, his struggles and diagnosis almost make me love him more. I am definitely more protective. I just don't want his life to be difficult--life is hard enough without DCD! And it's hard when I think of all the future struggles he will likely endure. But you're right--best not to get ahead of myself. Luckily he is gentle, sweet, kind, friendly, fun, affectionate, and of-the-charts intelligent. More than enough to compensate, I think. I guess I need time to get used to this information. It's been only a few days. Thanks again for your response.
A few days is nothing, it took me months for it to sink in and I was kinda expecting it!.
Dont think about the future or what if, my God you'll drive yourself mad and OK he may struggle a bit when he's older but that's only a maybe, I never thought I'd be able to hold a conversation with my daughter or I'd never make her understand how much she's loved but we can have little conversations only we understand and that's our special little thing, and the other day she told me she loved me, I was told she probably never be able to do that and she's surprised everyone. Theres so much my daughter has done in the last few months that we never thought she would.
A diagnosis isn't the bee all and end all, kids are amazing and they learn to overcome so much and they adjust and as you say your little boy is super intelligent i bet he'll surprise you all the things he can do.
Like I said he sounds an amazing little boy and you sound like an amazing mum and with you by his side he'll do just fine x
Do not lose that hope. Yes he may struggle more than his peers but he will still reach his goals with the right support. It may take a while longer. Its heartbreaking hearing how our kinds are different and struggling. But soon you will start go forget and not compare and just enjoy your son xx
I can understand what you're going through somewhat. My son has hemiplegia (cerebral palsy) down the left side of his body from a stroke at 7 weeks old. It was raw for a good year but slowly I started to feel better as I watched him progress and develop. What helped me was joining an online community of people/parents of kids with the same condition on Facebook. It's a very friendly and supportive environment. Finding a good team of therapists (physio and occupational therapy, now a speech pathologist) and throwing myself into his therapy (via play), counselling and a positive thoughts journal. You are early in your journey and what you're feeling is entirely reasonable and understandable. It might not help much and it might seem a long way off, but time is a great healer and every milestone your son achieves will be more the sweeter to you for determination in getting there.
I have dyspraxia, I did find some things harder when I was younger and still do (to a much lesser extent) now but really it isn't something which has a big impact on my life. There have been challenges but they have made me more determined and made my successes feel more amazing . For example learning to drive was hard. I eventually got put with a great special needs instructor and passed 1st time, I still feel super proud of myself and that was 5 years ago . When I was little I had pt which I remember mainly consisting of standing in a hoop trying to catch a beanbag () which I failed miserably. Now I'm a pretty darn good netball player, I may not be very graceful but my coordination is much better and it doesn't stop me from doing anything. Hand eye coordination, side to side integration, all of that will improve with time, it just takes work but nowadays that "work" is a lot more fun for the child (I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was 20, when I was a child it was obvious "something" wasn't "right" and I was given additional support through school and pt) and helps break down things the child finds difficult into small steps, which really helps with frustration.
My son is low functioning non verbal autistic but I do feel the same feelings as you. I know it is not easy to hear a diagnosis... and really the thought of what they will be able to do in the future is depressing but I try not to think of it that way and take it day by day. Hugs to you!
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