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Old Mar 25th, 2017, 08:22 AM   11
happycupcake
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I have always blamed myself for my daughters difficulties, I read that epidurals, prolonged labour, and forceps can cause autism. I had all 3!, but like my hubby said, there are thousands and thousands of women who go through prolonged birth and forceps delivery and thier children don't have autism, we don't have anyone in the family with autism but since having my daughter and all the info we have gone through I suspect I am on the spectrum somewhere,. We went for genetic testing last August, I'm dreading finding out if I am somewhere on the spectrum cause then I never will forgive myself
I don't think there's proof, as in proper scientific proof, that any of those things cause autism. I think these have been looked at just as many other things have, in a bid to find out what causes it because the causes are so largely unknown. Autism is quite new, in a way. But when you look at it rationally, as you pointed out there are millions of women having had all those experiences and have had children who aren't on the spectrum. There certainly isn't any significant risk with these things, otherwise they would have listed it as a cause officially. It's just speculation, but there's more to show autism is potentially hereditary than anything. I don't know about environmental. A lot of outside things could potentially cause x, y & z but equally may have absolutely zero impact as well.

If you find that you are yourself on the spectrum, why should you feel guilt? What if your husband was found to be on the spectrum? Would you blame him? I don't think you would? Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think you would. As I said in my above post, you could have both parents on the spectrum and have children without a trace of autism, just like you can have 'normal' parents but who have children with autism. There's little point in blame and guilt because even if you do have an ASD, it still doesn't mean that you caused your child to have autism. Sometimes it just happens, and there isn't any way of knowing who it will happen to! You don't have any part in this, you didn't cause this.

Don't look upon autism as an awful thing - there are many, many amazingly good points. And to be honest, there is only a single difference, the brains of neurotypicals and those on the spectrum are wired slightly differently, causing us to interpret the world in different ways. Sometimes this has a huge impact, sometimes it's barely noticeable (autism is actually extremely common, and even amongst neurotypicals they will themselves show traits so it could be said we are all autistic). Your guilt would be better transformed into positivity in the way of being proud of your daughter's differences (how boring would it be if we were all the same), learning the best ways to tap into how she learns, and encouraging her in those things people call 'obsessions', which I prefer to think of as that child being an expert in a certain area (for example, my eldest is an absolute expert when it comes to trains and cars and also creating online games).
Don't feel guilty, you don't have anything to feel guilty for

The vast majority of conditions are little more than a health lottery. It's how you deal with them if/when they happen that counts



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Old Mar 25th, 2017, 17:43 PM   12
smurff
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No your right I wouldn't blame my husband if he was on the spectrum, I'm just naturally hard on myself.

I definitely don't look at autism as an awful thing, I don't know if you've seen any of my other posts but I am immensely proud of my daughter and I'm so proud to be an autistic mum. Ive said all along that if someone said they could give my daughter a magic pill to make all her probs go away I would never in a million years give it to her. Her autism is what makes my daughter who she is and I wouldn't change that for the world, she is amazing at anything technical, so much so that she would put many an adult to shame. She can do 50 piece puzzles in minutes, she can hear things before anyone else, she's my little super hero . She is so loving and so caring and thoughtful, she's also stubborn and likes to do things on her own terms and won't be pushed around by anyone. I always worried she'd never make friends or cope with school, how wrong was I, she has a massive group of friends in her specialist class but also in the mainstream school aswell! At playtime they all want to play with her and on my way home the amount of children who call out to her is unbelievable, I burst Into tears with pride when her teacher told me the other day that she is one of the most popular girls in her year. Yes it would be boring if everyone was the same. My princess is one of a kind and I'd never ever change a single thing about her.



 
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Old Mar 25th, 2017, 18:37 PM   13
happycupcake
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Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words



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Old Mar 25th, 2017, 20:14 PM   14
jessicasmum
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I love my daughter and all my children no matter what and the thought of autism is scary I will admit but I'm more scared about myself not being good enough for her. I think she's an amazing little girl just like you both obviously think about your children too. You both sound like such great mum's how you are coping and getting the help you are for your children. All I want to do is do right by her and get all the help she needs.



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2017, 04:07 AM   15
smurff
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Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words
No it didn't come across like that it's fine, I really appreciated your reply, reading my reply back did sound like I was accusing you of saying I wasn't proud of her but I didn't mean it to come across like that. I always think the way I say things can Come out wrong but I can never think of another way to say them



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2017, 04:16 AM   16
smurff
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I love my daughter and all my children no matter what and the thought of autism is scary I will admit but I'm more scared about myself not being good enough for her. I think she's an amazing little girl just like you both obviously think about your children too. You both sound like such great mum's how you are coping and getting the help you are for your children. All I want to do is do right by her and get all the help she needs.
Of course your a great mum, the fact your on hear wanting to get help and worrying your not a good mum just proves that. Of course autism is scary in fact it can be bloody terrifying, when I was told about my daughters autism I wasn't thinking Oh well I don't care she is who she is, I was in tears thinking what sort of life will she have, will I be able to cope, will make friends will she be able to go school, there was so many questions. I was luckily I got the help my daughter needed, she has an amazing team around her. I wouldn't say I'm a great mum I just do my best, you just have to get on with things at the end of the day. Yes it's been a struggle getting her EHCP and getting her into her school but you take each day as it comes.
Your a great mum and you'll be amazed at what coned naturally when dealing with autism



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2017, 06:03 AM   17
happycupcake
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Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words
No it didn't come across like that it's fine, I really appreciated your reply, reading my reply back did sound like I was accusing you of saying I wasn't proud of her but I didn't mean it to come across like that. I always think the way I say things can Come out wrong but I can never think of another way to say them
I just wanted to ensure you knew I didn't mean I thought you weren't proud, your post didn't seem accusing
It can be so tough to type how you mean in your mind, for it to sound the same

Jessicasmum - I don't think you have to worry because the fact you do worry shows you are already a fab mum! You are doing everything you can, and all anyone can do.
I think it's probably quite common amongst parents to worry they are doing everything they can. I think it shows you are a good mum, because if you weren't then you wouldn't be bothered and wouldn't worry.
I am always questioning myself, whether we/I am doing the right thing by them, could we do more, have we missed anything etc.
We don't always feel as if we are coping, you have good days and days which are tougher but it isn't unusual I don't think

Happy Mother's Day to you both, by the way



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Old Mar 28th, 2017, 12:14 PM   18
jessicasmum
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Thank you both of you. Thank you also for taking your time and sharing with me. I know it's not confirmed about my daughter yet but it's nice that there is others that I can share my worries with.

You mentioned about fussy eating with your children, I was wondering are they always fussy or sometimes go through stages of normal eating? With my daughter she'll go through stages of eating a lot and eating pretty much everything to other times she'll be really fussy and only really eat bread based things.

Oh and thank You, I hope you had a lovely mothers day yesterday



 
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Old Mar 28th, 2017, 15:50 PM   19
happycupcake
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All our three have been/are fussy eaters. First son, his diet was ridiculous from about 18 months onwards but he is MUCH better these days and will give anything a try which is wonderful. The youngest two go between being super fussy to eating everything in sight but more frequently are fussy. They do love their fruit though, which is good and pretty much the only thing I can be confident they will definitely eat! It's pretty usual, especially in ASD, they may be fussy with the texture of something rather than flavour - I would love the taste of some foods but hate the texture when I was little. I like the taste and smell of bacon today but can't stand the texture. I'm actually a veggie lol! But love the smell of some meat.
Apparently it takes at least fifteen times of trying something new to decide if you like it, so it's always worth offering previously disliked foods at some point. Keep reintroducing things. I guess the easiest thing is to always make sure there is something they love on their plate, then at least you know they will eat that even if they don't like the other things



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Old Mar 28th, 2017, 18:04 PM   20
jessicasmum
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Your youngest 2 sound the same as my little girl with eating everything in site and then being fussy, she also loves fruit and will eat any type.
Not sure if you have already mentioned this but do any of your children like chewing things? My daughter likes to spend a lot of the time chewing, her clothes or muslin cloths or anything else she can get her hands on.



 
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