Feel like a failure :(

1st_baby · Nov 17th, 2008, 19:36 PM

My son who is now 6 months was born with Hypospadias

( A malformation, in which the urethra opens at the base or beneath the penis.)

We have mentioned this to his Dr and she classed him as grade 1 so this means it can be either fixed by an operation later on (18 months) or it can gradually fix itself ..for now he has no problems peeing thank god

But the more I read about it the more I wonder if my mistake smoking while pregnant( 1-2 cigs per day ) is what caused this ..ever since the day he was born and i was told I have been living with this guilt inside me ..I look into his eyes and cry because I feel like this was my doing .. like i couldnt be a good mother to him and grow him inside me with no harm ..

Im so scared he will suffer when hes older ..anyone else expirence this ?

dizzy65 · Nov 17th, 2008, 19:46 PM

awe

dont put the blame on ur self one can not live like that

Suz · Nov 17th, 2008, 19:48 PM

You cant blame yourself.

Your a good mom... you can see it in your sons smile

1st_baby · Nov 17th, 2008, 19:51 PM

He is the light of my life and no matter how crappy i feel he can always make me smile !

JASMAK · Nov 17th, 2008, 20:59 PM

You can't look back and blame yourself. First of all...MANY women smoke during pregnancy and their babies are absolutely fine. I am sure there is women who don't smoke, and their baby is born with the same thing. The thing is, you can always look back and wonder "what if?", but that isn't going to help you, or your son. You have to look forward. I can relate to yor feelings, because I blamed myself for my daughter's autism...and still catch myself. Was it the Tylenol, Advil, too much vitamins, not enough, not enough exercise, my diabetes, the pans I cook with, the pesticides on food??? But, truth be told...we just don't know, and never will probably. We just have to do what we need to do for our children, so that they can live the best life possible.

Poloma · Nov 18th, 2008, 03:57 AM

Hun, please dont blame yourself xXx
As someone else mentioned, there are lots of women who do everything by the book in their preg and their lo's are born with problems. Others drink, smoke or worse and their Lo's are born healthy with no probs. Its just one of those things.
I smoked up untill I was 13 weeks with my son and he is currently being assesed for development probs. I could quite easily blame myself for it and it would eat me up inside. There is no real way of knowing for sure, but I am just concentrating on giving him all the love and support he needs.
Children are all born different and thats what makes them so special. My son is just a little more special than others.

Emmea12uk · Nov 18th, 2008, 16:50 PM

dont blame yourself. I blamed myself for my son's spina bifida - first of all i went to hospital and had a laperoscopy when preg, then the scar got infected and i used a drug that nutoriously causes birth defects.

we cant blame ourselves. We cant see into the future and we cant take the past back. Things happen and we cant prevent it.

We could blame the food we eat, the water we drink, we could go on forever - but they are healthy children and we should be proud of ourselves for that!

needyourhelp · Nov 18th, 2008, 23:50 PM

Yeah in hindsight I can come up with a range of reasons for my son's problems, but the drs can't pin any down as causal yet. Blaming yourself isn't going to help him now. Hope you can get some perspective to help yourself move on from the guilt.

LaDY · Nov 19th, 2008, 04:17 AM

Don't blame yourself hun...the love you have for your son is amazing xxx

1st_baby · Nov 19th, 2008, 11:06 AM

Thank you girls your kind words help allot , I have an appt with a urologist on Dec 18th we'll know more then

Nov 17th, 2008, 19:36 PM	#1
1st_baby Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: montreal Posts: 3,873	Feel like a failure :( My son who is now 6 months was born with Hypospadias ( A malformation, in which the urethra opens at the base or beneath the penis.) We have mentioned this to his Dr and she classed him as grade 1 so this means it can be either fixed by an operation later on (18 months) or it can gradually fix itself ..for now he has no problems peeing thank god But the more I read about it the more I wonder if my mistake smoking while pregnant( 1-2 cigs per day ) is what caused this ..ever since the day he was born and i was told I have been living with this guilt inside me ..I look into his eyes and cry because I feel like this was my doing .. like i couldnt be a good mother to him and grow him inside me with no harm .. Im so scared he will suffer when hes older ..anyone else expirence this ?

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Nov 17th, 2008, 19:46 PM	#2
dizzy65 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: May 2008 Location: BC canada Posts: 11,769	awe dont put the blame on ur self one can not live like that

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Nov 17th, 2008, 19:48 PM	#3
Suz Other BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sacramento California Posts: 21,796	You cant blame yourself. Your a good mom... you can see it in your sons smile

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Nov 17th, 2008, 19:51 PM	#4
1st_baby Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: montreal Posts: 3,873	He is the light of my life and no matter how crappy i feel he can always make me smile !

Status: Offline

Nov 17th, 2008, 20:59 PM	#5
JASMAK Other BnB Elite Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 13,371	You can't look back and blame yourself. First of all...MANY women smoke during pregnancy and their babies are absolutely fine. I am sure there is women who don't smoke, and their baby is born with the same thing. The thing is, you can always look back and wonder "what if?", but that isn't going to help you, or your son. You have to look forward. I can relate to yor feelings, because I blamed myself for my daughter's autism...and still catch myself. Was it the Tylenol, Advil, too much vitamins, not enough, not enough exercise, my diabetes, the pans I cook with, the pesticides on food??? But, truth be told...we just don't know, and never will probably. We just have to do what we need to do for our children, so that they can live the best life possible.

Status: Offline

Nov 18th, 2008, 03:57 AM	#6
Poloma Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Cobham, Surrey Posts: 692	Hun, please dont blame yourself xXx As someone else mentioned, there are lots of women who do everything by the book in their preg and their lo's are born with problems. Others drink, smoke or worse and their Lo's are born healthy with no probs. Its just one of those things. I smoked up untill I was 13 weeks with my son and he is currently being assesed for development probs. I could quite easily blame myself for it and it would eat me up inside. There is no real way of knowing for sure, but I am just concentrating on giving him all the love and support he needs. Children are all born different and thats what makes them so special. My son is just a little more special than others.

Status: Offline

Nov 18th, 2008, 16:50 PM	#7
Emmea12uk Pregnant (Expecting) BnB Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Hampshire UK Posts: 5,153	dont blame yourself. I blamed myself for my son's spina bifida - first of all i went to hospital and had a laperoscopy when preg, then the scar got infected and i used a drug that nutoriously causes birth defects. we cant blame ourselves. We cant see into the future and we cant take the past back. Things happen and we cant prevent it. We could blame the food we eat, the water we drink, we could go on forever - but they are healthy children and we should be proud of ourselves for that!

Status: Offline

Nov 18th, 2008, 23:50 PM	#8
needyourhelp Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 32	Yeah in hindsight I can come up with a range of reasons for my son's problems, but the drs can't pin any down as causal yet. Blaming yourself isn't going to help him now. Hope you can get some perspective to help yourself move on from the guilt.

Status: Offline

Nov 19th, 2008, 04:17 AM	#9
LaDY Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: UK Posts: 4,693	Don't blame yourself hun...the love you have for your son is amazing xxx

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Nov 19th, 2008, 11:06 AM	#10
1st_baby Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: montreal Posts: 3,873	Thank you girls your kind words help allot , I have an appt with a urologist on Dec 18th we'll know more then

Status: Offline

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