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Old Sep 23rd, 2014, 22:24 PM   1
heatherr
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Pregnant by older guy, not sure what to do


I have a major issues going on and am really scared to talk about it with anyone I know!

I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks ago. I have not told anyone yet. I don't know how far along I am. I took 2 tests at home and they were both positive. Could they be wrong? Is there any way to get a false positive? I put in the date I think my last period was and an online calculator says I am 11 weeks pregnant. I can't believe I could be that far along.

I met this guy over the summer. We got along really well and were hanging out a lot. I found out he was 22 and I lied to him and told him I was 19. We sort of dated casually and had sex. Before him, I'd only had sex with one other person and he was my age. I just really liked the guy, but didn't plan on it going very far. I wasn't thinking when I lied to him, I just figured he obviously wouldn't want anything to do with me if he knew I was 17. I started to feel weird about lying to him and keeping it a secret from my parents and everything, so when school started back up I just made up excuses as to why I didn't want to see him anymore. I haven't seen him in several weeks.

I am FREAKING out. I don't know what to do. I was not on birth control, but we always used condoms. Sometimes he'd go in me without a condom and put one on later. I stil can't believe I could have got pregnant from that. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone. I don't want to tell my parents. I'm always so paranoid that they've found out somehow. I just need some sort of advice. I am trying to tell one of my friends in real life, but she was mad at me when I told her I was having sex with him. I don't want to admit to her that this happened.



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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 06:25 AM   2
MummyMana
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I think your best first move would be to make a doctors appointment. Regardless of how you feel about telling people, you need to make sure your baby is healthy! Especially if you could be as far along as you think, you will be due your first scan soon!

Secondly, address telling people. Maybe wait until after your scan, but you will need to tell people at some point. You may be able to hide a pregnancy, but sooner or later you will stop being pregnant and start having a baby. Pretty hard to hide lol.

You should probably also talk to the man, he has a right to know he's gonna be a dada and you're gonna have to start being honest with him too :/

Congratulations btw



 
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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 10:31 AM   3
heatherr
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I don't even know what to do about making a doctors appointment. I can't afford to pay for it and my family has insurance but I'm sure my parents will find out if I use the insurance card. I know they always send us notices in the mail after we go to the doctor, but I guess I could try to get it before they see it.

I can't imagine myself having a baby. I don't know if I can be a mom right now. I don't want to have a baby like this, with someone I lied to.

I don't know how to tell my parents. They have no idea I've even had sex and they definitely don't know about this guy.



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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 11:59 AM   4
ClairAye
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When I fell pregnant with my son I was just turning 17 and FOB was 22.

I just agree with Mana, you need to tell the dad and you should probably just tell your parents so you can get to the doctors and not sneak around them, as you can't be sure you will get that letter before them, though surely it doesn't say exactly what you went to the doctors for? (I'm in the UK so it's different here) If it only says that you saw a doctor and not what for then why not just go and speak to a doctor before telling anyone? Surely your parents don't need to know why you went? I think you need to speak to this guy though, he has the right to know! Good luck.



 
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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 12:11 PM   5
heatherr
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I think every time we go to the doctor for anything we get a letter that states what it was for and what our charges are and other stuff about how it applies to the deductible on the insurance. I only know this because a few months ago I went to the doctor for a routine preventative exam, which is supposed to be free on our insurance, and they sent us a letter that said what the appointment was for and they had incorrectly charged us. I don't really know all of the info that is on there for sure though.

I'm sort of thinking of not telling the guy at all. Maybe it'd be easier that way. I sort of want to tell him just so maybe he can help me figure out what to do, but at the same time I'm not sure if I want him to know. I don't want to tell him that I'm pregnant, let alone that I'm really 17 and still in high school.



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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 13:42 PM   6
ClairAye
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But that is his child too and I believe he has a right to know that you are pregnant with his baby. Not meaning to be harsh but you have to stand up to your lies and tell the truth. Actions and consequences. It's not fair on him if you don't tell him.



 
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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 13:56 PM   7
ClairAye
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And honestly I wasn't saying that to be mean I know it can't be an easy situation!



 
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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 14:51 PM   8
heatherr
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I know you didn't mean it to be mean. It's my fault for lying to him in the first place. I just didn't think this would happen and I'd ever have to tell him the truth. Part of me was thinking about just not telling him because it'd make it easier for him not knowing. I don't know if that'd be selfish or not. I just feel like chances of him wanting to have a child right now, especially with me, are very slim, so maybe I should just not bother him with it.

But I know if my parents find out they will want to know who the father is and then I'd have to lie to them and say I didn't know or something. No option really seems good.



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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 15:26 PM   9
ClairAye
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It would be very selfish IMO, towards him and your child growing up without it's dad. You don't know how he will react, so it would be awful if he was willing to step up but he had a child he will never know about. If you tell him and he doesn't come around, it's his loss but he may come around to it all, you have to take the chance!

Telling the truth will be so hard but eventually it will settle down, unlike if you keep the lies up, it wouldn't be good for anyone.



 
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Old Sep 24th, 2014, 15:26 PM   10
MummyMana
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I think you need to stop lying tbh, it hasn't done you very well so far. If they ask who the father is, you can just say your ex boyfriend. It's not a lie, and it's not as bad as saying you don't know.

As for telling him, you have to think, not only does he deserve the chance to be a father, but your child deserves a chance to have a dad. Even if he doesn't instantly drop to one knew, you should at least have the capacity to be civil with him for the sake of the kid have a heartfelt conversation with him, tell him your sorry for lying, tell him about the baby, that you don't expect anything from him for yourself, but your child would really like to have a daddy in his/her life! Even if it's just a visit once or twice a week



 
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