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Old Sep 1st, 2016, 13:53 PM   121
EverythingXd
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Well at least you won't get pregnant this time! Seriously though, does this mean there is a chance of you two having some kind of relationship? Are you interested in having a relationship with him? You do really need to talk to him about what he wants, with regards to the baby, and also with regards to you by the sounds of it.



 
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Old Sep 1st, 2016, 13:56 PM   122
DaisyDreamer
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Originally Posted by EverythingXd View Post
Well at least you won't get pregnant this time! Seriously though, does this mean there is a chance of you two having some kind of relationship? Are you interested in having a relationship with him? You do really need to talk to him about what he wants, with regards to the baby, and also with regards to you by the sounds of it.
wss ^



 
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Old Sep 1st, 2016, 14:11 PM   123
nadia511
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He and I in a relationship is not currently something I want. I don't hold any kind of feelings towards him in that sense. Despite what I have done, he's still my (ex) friend's ex. I know we need to talk, but I'm not sure we even know what we want for ourselves.



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Old Sep 1st, 2016, 14:44 PM   124
mara16jade
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Yikes, I'm sure it's a difficult thing to sit down and talk to him about.

Have you talked to any agencies? Or thought more about keeping the baby? Thinking about you.



 
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Old Sep 2nd, 2016, 02:58 AM   125
skyesmom
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Despite what I have done, he's still my (ex) friend's ex.
Just one tiny correction to this phrase: it is not something that YOU ALONE have done, it was HIS DECISION TOO. It was his as much as it was yours, none the less!! And the fact that it happened again, uhm... kinda confirms he's got a thing for you.

Also, ending up sleeping together again is not a bad way to "break the ice" and may get the things a bit more relaxed between you before you start talking, so i totally get how your first attempt to have a serious conversation ended up like that. (soooo many "grown ups" have that exact thing happen when having a first big serious post-break-up talk with their ex after being apart for a while, so whoever dares to judge a teen for doing sth like this, check your own agenda first )

anyway - the things are starting to move slowly after being frozen by not telling your friend what is going on - which is good. And i am sure your situation will evolve over the upcoming weeks. It sounds like it took him some time to fully take in what has happened and he is starting to deal with the consequences. I am also sure he will come to telling his parents soon. he's just a teenage boy, and a situation like this would be equally if not more uncomfortable to a 30-year-old man (just imagine a full grown man having unprotected sex with his gf's friend and getting her pregnant - and well then needing to let his gf know, let his family know, let the whole world around him know, knowing he'd be judged A LOT and dealing with a possibility of an upcoming fatherhood, family and possibly a new relationship too... no wonder it is taking your FOB some time to sort out his own thoughts).

The fact that you're half way through doesn't mean you already need to have your mind fully made up on things, ESPECIALLY on adoption - it is SUCH a hard decision to make at any age, and it can completely change at the moment of birth. So feeling bad for not knowing already with crystal clarity what you want to do with your baby, yourself and your life at around 22 weeks is well... totally unnecessary.
It is not like you or him are completely ignoring the thing and pretending nothing is happening. you are dealing with it at your own pace. and you're both trying your current best.

What made it even harder to make up your mind about things and know what he thinks of the whole situation is the fact that there was hardly any contact or communication between you until now (and not telling your friend delayed the whole thing).
So maybe spending some time together and generally talking more could be a good way to start getting to know each other better and gradually seeing how the things could work and what could work and what not.

I honestly think that with an issue this complex, an answer can't be found within one only "ok, let's sit down and talk and find all the answers to all the questions" kinda thing.

He sure needs to let his parents know, but i somehow have a feeling that he will and that he is now on his way to dealing with everything better.
And equally, you should let your family know who the father is. I think your parents won't judge you, not now when the things are already so far along. The initial shock is long gone for them and if they're excited about a new baby coming to the family, i really don't think this is gonna change the way they feel about their grand child. (and probably, they are thinking about way worse options than your friend's ex... like a high school teacher, a drug addict, a rapist, a grown married man, who knows what. they'd probably be relieved if they knew.)


take care of yourself, you are on a good way here.



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Old Sep 2nd, 2016, 04:05 AM   126
Kiwiberry
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I disagree ^. No matter how you spin it you can't compare a 30 year old man to a teenage boy.

Sweetie it does sound like he does have a thing for you. The only way you two can keep moving forward is if you start getting serious and talk about it. No one implied it would only take one conversation. This is a big deal and will require a lot of communication. You are getting further along by the day and you don't want to wait till the last minute.

Take it easy on yourself hun, he has just as much a part in this a you do. As they say it takes two to tango.



 
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Old Sep 3rd, 2016, 02:14 AM   127
skyesmom
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Originally Posted by Kiwiberry View Post
I disagree ^. No matter how you spin it you can't compare a 30 year old man to a teenage boy.
it wasn't meant as a comparison between her FOB and a grown up, it was meant as "dealing with this kind of situation and breaking this kind of news would be a rough job at any age" - since FOB still needs to let his own parents know - i don't think he's a bad or irresponsible person by default, just that the situation is hard and that it's taking him time to deal with everything, but that he is doing it, step by step.



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Old Sep 3rd, 2016, 18:57 PM   128
nadia511
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No, I haven't yet spoken to any adoption agencies but it's something I'm looking to do soon.

Even if he does have a thing for me, I don't think I have one for him. Not exactly anyway. I don't know. It's complicated. I also don't want anything happening between he and I to affect what happens with the baby, and all the rest of that. It also feels kind of forced, like its something we have to do.

I know that we need for properly communicate and stay on track, but after the first failed attempt I haven't tried again yet. Maybe tomorrow. I'll see. But like I said, I don't think either of us know what we want or what we think is best to tell each other.

Thank you for all of your help and advice.



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Old Sep 3rd, 2016, 19:05 PM   129
DaisyDreamer
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Are you set on adopting out or just exploring?



 
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Old Sep 3rd, 2016, 19:07 PM   130
Kiwiberry
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Good luck on your pregnancy. I won't be following anymore.



 
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