Forum Rules

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jul 11th, 2016, 20:33 PM   1
Pregnant (Expecting)
New BnB member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1

im scared..

im 36 weeks pregnant and due august 5th (almost done thank fuck) im 17 got pregnant at 16 because im dumb and ive never regretted anything more in my life i had sex with my ex and was stupid drunk and so was he we went out for 9 months he had a girlfriend at the time aswell and i still did it knowing this..he was using me the whole time (nothing new...) and i found out christmas eve i didnt tell anyone other than 2 friends my sister and my cousin oh and obviously my ex for months my parents found out when i was over 20 weeks pregnant and i didnt even tell them my principal did after one of my "friends" or my sister told the school ive never been so ashamed in my life..i wanted an abortion and to be completly honest i still do but i couldnt do it after seeing my little boy on the ex and i dont get along and we never really did he was emotionally abusive when we were going out and sometimes even sexually..he doesnt know how to take no for an answer ive always been self conscious and was 5'5 and 49kg when i got pregnant ive gained 11kg and have never felt so disgusting never mind the horrid stretch marks that cover my entire stomach i look like ive been mauled by a bear im not happy why when talking about being pregnant does everyone refer to it as the happiest time of their lives when ts not ive never been so sad ashamed and alone in my life im so scared for the future i graduated highschool in may so i guess im doing good there but i havent gone to college ive no job no boyfriend and this little child will probably never have a family will never have his dad in his life never mind a father figure i feel guilty for keeping this child..for getting family is struggling as it is and im just making it worse im so ashamed of myself and my life is over and im only 17 i dont know why im posting all this because still no one knows im pregnant i guess i cant keep burying this down anymore and hiding in my bedroom under baggy jumpers.. i guess i just needed to get it all off my chest so if your reading this im sorry

Status: Offline
Old Jul 12th, 2016, 11:16 AM   2
Mum (Mom)
BabyandBump Team
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Scotland
Posts: 36,834
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the support you need here.

Do you have anyone in terms of support?

Status: Offline
Old Jul 13th, 2016, 05:20 AM   3
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6,406
Everything seems shit now but I promise you when they plonk baby in your arms for the first time you'll feel nothing but love. It doesn't matter if you don't have much money or this child doesn't have a father right now, all baby needs is you. My two children have different fathers, my first child was with a guy I'd only just started going out with at 18. It wasn't the end of the world for me and it isn't for you look after yourself x

Status: Offline
Old Jul 13th, 2016, 05:33 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 6,556
Your life is not over! You finished high school, that's a huge deal. And whatever else you want to do with your life is still possible, just maybe a little delayed. If you still feel that you're not in a position to raise this baby, there are other options. You could opt for an open adoption, where your baby will be raised by people who desperately want a child and you still get updates and can probably even visit. But if you do want to raise this baby, your life isn't over either. You'll still be young when he's out of the baby stage and you can still go to college, have a career, meet the love of your life or whatever else is part of a "happy life" for you. But you need support. And feeling the way you do, you need support now. I don't know where you are but there will be support available, you just have to find it. The first thing would be to ask your doctor or midwife about counselling or any support charities for young mums in your area. You need to work through these feelings you're having so you can be happy and be the mum your baby needs. There is nothing to be ashamed of and although it might not feel like that now, you can absolutely do this and have a happy and fulfilled life. Best of luck to you!

Status: Offline
Old Jul 16th, 2016, 14:03 PM   5
Mum (Mom)
BnB Elite
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Scotland
Posts: 10,625
I too fell pregnant at 16 and had my son at 17, I had another child at 19. Their father was also emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative. I'm now 21 with a 4 year old and a 2.5 year old. I am a single parent and have been completely on my own in terms of raising my children since my youngest was 9 months old. I have to say, your life is not over. No, you can't go back to how things were, no you can't jump into things right away but I now work part time and I am in talks with an organisation about starting my own business. It's not the end of the world, I promise.

As for the body issues, yep, it sucks. People will say to be proud of your stretch marks etc but I'm not, far from it. I gained 50lbs and had a huge bump with my first and my whole stomach is actually covered but they do fade, they'll always be there but they become a part of you and you learn to deal with the fact they are there, or indeed, embrace them. I've found as I got older I cared less about them, I still don't like them but generally I don't worry about them.

Raising a child is not all sunshine and rainbows but it doesn't have to be the end of things. I never wanted kids, in fact I disliked them but my kids have completely changed my world and me for the better and I can't imagine life without them, even on days where they drive me mental.

But I agree with Amygdala, if you don't feel like you can raise a child adoption is another route to take and if you feel like you can you definitely need support, starting now. I don't know where in the world you are but in the UK we have organisations that vary from one on one meetings to groups to having a support worker come to your home to help look after your child whilst you catch up on cleaning or something or they can help you do your shopping. There's a lot of support out there if you look and I hope you can find some!

Status: Offline
Old Jul 17th, 2016, 15:18 PM   6
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,863
honey, what comes through from your writing is not only a difficult situation in your life, but also you being overwhelmed with all of it - which IS normal, but from your words i'm led to think you may be going through some form of a depression - and from what you wrote, a thing like this could be easily overlooked in the mess you are in - with all focus on you having a baby, rather than on you and how you feel.

do you have a chance to talk to a psychologist in your school or in a planned parenthood? hormones also play a big role in depression (just think what a normal PMS does to women, let alone pregnancy even when it's most wanted and desired, at any age) and it can worsen after you give birth to your baby - due to hormonal change it triggers.

whatever the previous posters said about raising children, adoption, etc is true - but - in all of this - your own current mental state sounds quite overlooked and if i were you i would go and talk to a qualified person. it may help you way more than you expect and you may find some clarity with other decisions like raising your baby yourself or going for adoption, staying with its father or rather raising your child on your own, etc...

but do get checked.

Status: Offline
Old Jul 19th, 2016, 20:52 PM   7
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Montreal
Posts: 1,495
*gentle hug* that must be really hard... sorry everything seems to bleak right now.

You`ve been given good advice here; if you feel you have no support network, please do consider adoption. Sure you feel a 'gush of love' when you meet your baby but (being past those years and more pragmatic now) seeing friends struggle through being young single moms..just something to consider. You can pick yourself up and start anew. You can have your own loving family when you are in a better place, ready and wanting one.

Please do seek out help - community center, support groups etc.

thinking of you

Status: Offline
Old Jul 20th, 2016, 15:45 PM   8
Trying to conceive (TTC)
BnB Elite
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BC canada
Posts: 17,965

Status: Offline
Old Aug 18th, 2016, 03:46 AM   9
Mum (Mom)
New BnB member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1
Hey Sweetie,
I'm so sorry you're feeling that way! Though by now I'm guessing you've had your son, and I'm hoping it's helping to see things under a different light!
I know how you feel, I've been through exactly the same thing. Had my son at 18, was convinced my life was over, hated myself for being stupid enough to get pregnant when I had no degree and no job, no future for myself or the baby...
That was 10 years ago; my son is now an amazing 10 year old kid, and he and his sister are my life. I've got a great job, and am even getting my bachelor's degree in business management alongside.
It's hard, you're going to go through some really tough times, but it's worth it, and you can do it!! Please don't give up, not on yourself or on your baby.
If you want to talk, I'm more than ready to listen, please don't hesitate! I remember how alone in the world I felt at the time, and I don't wish that on anybody. Message me whenever you feel the need.
Sending you lots of love, and courage

Status: Offline
Old Aug 19th, 2016, 12:45 PM   10
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 71
Well feeling overwhelmed and scared is normal considering everything. As you've had the baby by this point, I'm sure you were checked for depression and discussed adoption with the hospital. Please let us know how this came out though!

Status: Offline



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search