The other day, I told my FOB that I don't want him to be involved in his son's life. I've just had enough of him... I've only seen him 3 times since I found out I was pregnant (twice in my first trimester, and once when I was 23 weeks). Whenever I've asked to meet up with him, he agrees to it most of the time, but then cancels riiiight before we're about to meet with yet another stupid excuse.
He hasn't bought any baby gear whatsoever, I've bought everything cheap with money I've saved over the months (I have no income). But I let that go. I was more saddened by the fact he'd never text me to ask how my pregnancy is progressing or anything like that... And if I did mention that I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable with the baby weight, or that I hate that I've had to buy everything by myself, he'd say something like: "It was your choice for wanting him."
My pregnancy was unplanned, so I assume he means, it's my fault for not having an abortion so I shouldn't complain about anything. That's just so cruel. He doesn't care about me in the slightest. Whenever I ask him to just walk away from the situation and leave me alone, he says he wants to be involved in my baby's life. But is that good enough...?
He doesn't think being even remotely nice to me or seemingly even somewhat interested in his baby is important.
So yeah, the other day after he was rude to me, I told him I didn't want him to be involved and I explained to him why. Then his older sister who I've never even met started texting me abusive messages, and even implied that I'll be a bad mother by saying "i just want to help that baby who cant help itself'. I was abrim with rage and cried explosively.
I feel so much better now that I've cut ties with him, as he was horrid and it seemed like he didn't want to be involved anyway, he was just playing a game with me to detach his guilt or whatever. It's not fair as I would have loved to simply get on with the guy for the sake of my child, but he makes it impossible.

But will my child care about these circumstances in the future? I'll have to explain that his father didn't walk away, it was me who told him that I didn't want him involved because I didn't deem him worthy... Will my child accept this, or feel like he's been robbed of knowing his [immature loser of a] father? What should I do?
This is so difficult.

Thanks for reading; sorry it was so long.

I don't think you should stop him from being in your sons life but I do think you need to have a firm chat with him.

Tell him you're happy to have him involved with his son, providing he shows respect for you otherwise it'll never work and also that having a son is not all about rainbows and butterflies, he needs to pay his way too. Also set out the rules that he must abide by the plans to see him unless there is a genuine reason he has to cancel, otherwise you will pull the plug on the whole thing.

I know its not a nice situation to be in, but your son will thank you later on in life if you at least give his father a chance. At least if he messes up, you can say you did everything and it was his fault.

hope you get it sorted soon.

He's been rude and disrespectful to me throughout my pregnancy, so I don't think asking him to stop is going to change anything. He won't meet with me in person.
If he contacted me now and apologised for how he's behaved throughout my pregnancy, and asked if we could try and sort this situation out, I'd say yes. It's really hard to embrace a guy who is emotionally unresponsive and just doesn't seem bothered about my baby.

I still think you should still give him a chance to be in your son's life. See how he is when your baby is born, things CAN change when a baby is here because that's when reality finally kicks in for some people.

Believe me, I totally understand, my FOB isn't much better. But they have a chance to prove themselves once their baby is here and you never know, he might surprise you. If he still acts the same when baby is born, THEN I think you have a right to tell him you don't want him in your son's life.

This sort of happend with me while i was pregnant, my OH kept saying "well you wanted to keep him" And multiple times did i think *Fuck him, im done!* But towards the end and since Riley arrived he has been really supportive, it was hard for him to get his head round that we were guna have a baby..

Dont get me wrong i think its awful when they say things like that, and find it hard to stand by you, but youve got to think immidately when you fall pregnant you have a connection with that child, you automatically start to bond with the child growing inside of you, but the male doesnt have that.. they dont get all the feelings that you get.. So like someone else already said, maybe give him that chance once your LO arrives?

If he doesnt make the effort once your LO is here then tell him you dont want him to be apart of his life.. And then when your LO grows up and is old enough to understand then explain why you chose for him not to see him, and if your LO decides he wants to then meet his dad let him do so

Its all your decision in the end and youve got to do best by your baby

I hope everything turns out okay for you

Your child won't care what went on between you two, he'll just want a dad.

I don't know if NZ is like the US but here if a father wants to be in a childs life there isn't much you can do about it legally. He has rights as a bio parent if you like it or not from a legal stand point. All he has to do is get a lawyer and take you to court.

Personally I wouldn't respond to any contact from anyone other than him. Make him aware of your progress once a month leaving any of your feelings out of it. Make him aware of anything that you need for the baby and then leave it alone. Let him come to you and there is nothing that could possibly get you into trouble later if you do end up going to court.

I personally would have done what you did. If your son wants to get to know his "dad" in the future then just let him know he can do so, if your FOB doesn't even do anything about you saying he's not allowed in your sons life then that just shows you he doesn't care about his son. Your son will know of that also. An will always rember YOU were/are the one that got everything, went everywhere, did EVERYTHING for your son and he did not. Do WHATEVER it is that you think should be done. He has no right to be in your sons life anyways. This is just my opinion. If you change your mind and allow him to be, AFTER he proves to you he can and is respecting you then I support you on that as well.

Thanks for your replies everyone.
I don't think my FOB is the type to take me to court, considering that'd require money, time and effort. Throughout my entire pregnancy, he's been unsupportive and disinterested to say the least.
I'm not going to contact him again until after my baby is born, when I'll leave it open for him to have some sort of involvement. He might change his ways when he meets his baby, who knows. I guess I just have to view the situation rationally.

Yeah, I agree with this. I think he is completely unworthy but I will probably contact him once baby is here. His actions (or lack of), and his words prove that he doesn't care about my baby in the slightest. He's even told his family members (who I don't even know) a whole lot of lies about me about my family starting in my early pregnancy, his sister's text revealed... In the early days, his mother had been encouraging him to help me out, so I think he's done this so his parents accept his reasons for not being financially/emotionally supportive. He's gutless like that lol.
But whatever, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt once my son is here and offer him his millionth opportunity to finally morph into a man. He doesn't deserve it at all, but I guess it'll sit better with my son one day that I at least gave his father a chance once he was born. There's a slight possibly that FOB will change his ways upon meeting his son I guess.