I'm new to the teen pregnancy part of this site as i've spent most of my time on 2nd tri but seeing some of the posts and answers it seems this probably better for me. Anyway i'm Jordane & i'm 19, First pregnancy, 29 weeks today
Well tbh i don't really know where to start so i apologise if this is a long old story. Me and my OH have been going through a really rough patch for the past 5/6 weeks now and it's really got to me.
So about 3 weeks ago my mum, his mum, his stepdad and both of us sat down and discussed what was going on because our parents had enough of the situation. We were arguing alot and not really getting along. He told me before he wasn't sure wether he wanted this relationship anymore and that's where it all started and sort of spiralled out of control until our parents got involved. He told me infront of them that he did want this and that he is just scared and nervous which i totally understand because i'm scared and nervous. Both parents said we need to draw a line, move on and start getting back on track which i thought would happen. But no, 3 weeks later and it's still the same as ever.
He was living with me, in my bedsit, since he found out i was pregnant, but for 6 weeks now he's been at home. He stayed maybe 3 or 4 nights in the past 6 weeks when his nephew has stayed at his house as his nephew stays in his room. He told me he wasn't staying just because his nephew had his room but because he wanted to, but the next night he was at home again until the next time his nephew stayed. I feel like he used me and my place just to avoid sharing with his nephew! Am i being silly?!
He used to text me every morning, sometimes through the day but as he's rather busy he didn't always get a chance which i do understand! and then obv every evening/night he'd be with me. But now i don't get any texts, unless i text him first, then it's a short, abburpt text like he cannot be bothered, no kisses, no mention to see how bump is etc. Probably overreaacting on that too.
We both agreed that we don't do anything like we used to, e.g go out for the day or anything and things have become a bit boring where it's stay in my place doing nothing, but he isn't making an effort to change any of it. I text him earlier and suggested going for a walk down on the beach tonight (to try and talk and sort things) and then get a film and stay at mine, possibly go and see his dad tomorrow as i haven't seen him for weeks and he's bought us a car seat. But he said, 'Im busy'! that was it. So i asked whether i could see him tomorrow, talk and sort things out because i've had enough of it all. He said he had nothing to say too me, his feelings for me have changed, he doesn't trust me and doesnt know if he wants this again!. And i know it's not ideal to text and talk but i replied saying if he felt that way then to simply end it, But his reply was 'why dont you?' .... well i told him my reasons, telling him i loved him, i want this to work and if i didnt i wouldnt text you and try to sort stuff out but he totally then changes the subject. It's really mixed messages! and i dont know what to think anymore!
Also were meant to be moving into our new house on the 28th of this month!!!! And now he's telling me he doesnt know if he wants it all etc, and i cant afford it on my own which means i'd have 3 weeks to find another place for me and baby as i'm being evicted the 1st May! BUT I AM NOT STAYING WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE OF THE HOUSE!!! i really do want to spend my life with this guy! He acts al cold and horrible to me but his mum rang me to see how i am doing and she said he's been talking to his stepdad about the moving side of things, what he wants to do to the garden (as he's a gardener/landscaper) etc. So i'm confused!
This whole situation is now really getting me down, my doctor has re-diagnosed me with depression so on top of all the pregnancy hormones i'm trying to cope with my depression. Now i'm shitting it as we have 3 weeks until were meant to be moving house, 11 weeks til the baby is due and i dont know where i stand anymore! I dont know what to do. I'm sorry for the eextra long story and rambling on but i have no one to turn to, My mum is already overly worried about everything and although his mums been the best ever i dont want it to bring her down as it's not fair on her, plus it's best to get someone else's view on things!
I really don't have any advice, as I am in a very similar situation except my OH is away at school right now. From what I've gotten from other people who've been through similar, and how my own boyfriend is, it seems like (and I hope) a fair amount of men just go through this freaking out phase where they distance themselves really badly.
Recently we talked and decided that there's nothing we can do through the distance right now and we will talk it all out when he gets home...
Maybe your OH will come around, but if not then you can't really count on him.
I'm sorry you are going through that though, I know it sucks
i know exactly how you feel my dh said those horrifying words to me last week and i left with our son but we are trying to make things work, i gave him his space for a couple day then told him i needed to know what he wanted i obv wanted us to work for our babies and our sakes finally he said he did too and that he still loves me but im still scared he will do it again, i try and get him to sleep in the bed with me but he keeps making up excuses not to, i wish guys could see things like us females
things like this can only be solved through one thing: communication. you two have to sit down together, by yourselves and talk through it ALL bit by bit without arguing.
to prepare you could write a list of what needs to be covered and what you expect to come out of the talk? me and my OH do it when we go through tough times and we always come out stronger on the other side
sorry it's not much advice, it's just personal experience. i hope things get sorted for you
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