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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 13:43 PM   1
Sarah1508
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Parranoid :(


stillSo lately I've been feeling really paranoid about a lot of things my looks, my weight, what people think of me but mainly about my OH. At the start of our relationship he wasn't exactly the best boyfriend as in acting verry inappropriately with other women and cheating on me once with a stupid little slut! Anyways I forgave him because he was in a teally bad place at that time because his little cousin who was like a brother to him had been murdered and because it was nothing more then a kiss. Even though I forgave him and it happens over a year and a half ago now I still go through phases of being paranoid even though I know he would never cheat on me again I can't help getting really paranoid and even jealous sonetimes when he speaks and jokes about with other women like I say its not that bad all the time but when I get myself in this mood like I am now i cant help but feel like shit! I've even got into the habit of checking his texts and facebook on his phone if I get a chance when I'm in this mood , which I HATE doing and always feel awfull about after

Anyways to try cut a long story short quite a few months ago when I was still pregnant I found out he was talking to this random girl he has never even met! The conversations they where havibg where completely normal so there wasn't really anything for me to get mad about but she was still a random girl and I was heavily pregnant so hormones and emotions took over and I got really upset about it , he ended up deleting her and asked me what could he do to make me trust him more, for starters I said not to be talking to fucking random girls on facebook! Lol then I said it would make me feel a whole lot better if we could have eachothers facebook passwords, so he gave it to me after a while (oh forgot to mention he has talked inappropriately to other girls ob facebook before nothing like he would cheat on me or anything but he said to a girl before who was complainibg about her looks to him that if he where single he would "destroy her".... I was furious when I read that! But never told him ) again that was aaages ago but it still makes me paranoid not about him cheating bit about the way he talks to other women, and it may even be
giving them the wrong idea

So in the past couple of months this girl who he said that to has phoned him a few times in the middle of the night once at fucking 4 in the morning! I was so annoyed as anyone else would be oh and he didn't answer btw , my first thought was Wtf does she think shes playibg at phoning another girl's boyfriend in the middle of the night, especially when they have a wee baby trying to sleep! But then I thought he's probably encouraged her because I've cought him phoning her twice after we've been out and hes drunk and also by saying what he said to her. (Again I'm not worried about him cheating with her because she doesn't even live anywhere near us but im still so paranoid about the way he may still be talking to other women )

So with all this playing on my mind recently , after a lot of thought and even though I felt so bad for doing it I went to check his facebook to put my kind at rest and make sure he wasnt taljibg inappropriately with other people but when I went to sign in it said i had entered an old password which means he's changed it....... Which makes me wonder why?! I'm even more paranoid then before now and its all I can think about the past few days it driving me crazy! and I feel so bad about it too because my oh has noticed how down I've been lately and he's been trying his best to cheer me up but whenever he asks what's yeh matter i have to lie to him because I don't know what to say? Should I just adk him outright? Or how sgould I do it? I don't know if I even want to ask because then he will know I wad checking up on him and he will be hurt , I know this all might seem so stupid to some if yous or even blown out of proportion but its really really getting to me , and I don't know what to do to make me feel better?! Help?



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 13:45 PM   2
Sarah1508
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Sorry if half of tat didn't make sense Kian woke up a few times and I kinda lost where I was and its hard torread back through and edit on my stupid fone



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 14:04 PM   3
lunar
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I'm sorry you're in that spot. But honestly, you need to come clean with your OH.. Keeping all this in seems to be taking a big toll on you and you have legitimate concerns. I would NEVER tolerate my OH talking to other girls, let alone saying the stuff your OH said to some!

Maybe it comes off as nosey, but if his words are bothering you (especially about "destroying" her) then you have a real concern. He should be understanding -- and if he's got nothing to hide then he -should- be able to give you an honest answer.

IMO I'd ask him why he changed his password. If he gives a lame reason, tell him you want to know it again -- and if he asks why, tbh, I'd confront him with the info you found reading his previous messages.

In any case, hugs, sorry you're in this spot!



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 15:32 PM   4
princessb2012
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i know how you feel, i used to check my OHs facebook all the time but my OH cheated on me in the beginning of the relationship, turned out she thought we broke up, he was seeing her for a very long time , its a long story but eventually for some silly reason we got back together but reading your post made me go on his facebook for the first time in forever! and tbh i didnt like what i saw, but then my OH is a natural flirt, he never seems to understand what flirting is,

im making a long unnecessary post but i reckon if he has the time to cheat then question him then otherwise just find other ways to reassure yourself, like make sure both you and him are getting what you need out of your relationship.. i wouldnt bother mentioning to my oh because hes either at work or home with me and mason and our relationship at the moment is just poo, so rather than mentioning it id just try and improve our relationship but if your relationship is fine i dont see why he should be speaking to other girls :/



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 15:36 PM   5
ClairAye
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Aww Sarah
I'm no good with advice but feel free to message me on Facebook xx



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 15:48 PM   6
Sarah1508
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunar View Post
I'm sorry you're in that spot. But honestly, you need to come clean with your OH.. Keeping all this in seems to be taking a big toll on you and you have legitimate concerns. I would NEVER tolerate my OH talking to other girls, let alone saying the stuff your OH said to some!

Maybe it comes off as nosey, but if his words are bothering you (especially about "destroying" her) then you have a real concern. He should be understanding -- and if he's got nothing to hide then he -should- be able to give you an honest answer.

IMO I'd ask him why he changed his password. If he gives a lame reason, tell him you want to know it again -- and if he asks why, tbh, I'd confront him with the info you found reading his previous messages.

In any case, hugs, sorry you're in this spot!
Thanks for the advice! X

Quote:
Originally Posted by princessb2012 View Post
i know how you feel, i used to check my OHs facebook all the time but my OH cheated on me in the beginning of the relationship, turned out she thought we broke up, he was seeing her for a very long time , its a long story but eventually for some silly reason we got back together but reading your post made me go on his facebook for the first time in forever! and tbh i didnt like what i saw, but then my OH is a natural flirt, he never seems to understand what flirting is,

im making a long unnecessary post but i reckon if he has the time to cheat then question him then otherwise just find other ways to reassure yourself, like make sure both you and him are getting what you need out of your relationship.. i wouldnt bother mentioning to my oh because hes either at work or home with me and mason and our relationship at the moment is just poo, so rather than mentioning it id just try and improve our relationship but if your relationship is fine i dont see why he should be speaking to other girls :/
My OH is also a natural flirt it sometimes doesn't get to me but sonetimes its a little to much flirting :/ and inappropriate talk and that's what gets to me because even though I know he would never cheat again he is giving other women the wrong idea and tbh if I where them i wpuld think the relationship was a joke! x

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClairAye View Post
Aww Sarah
I'm no good with advice but feel free to message me on Facebook xx
Thanks Clair, I just feel so bad and even guilty if that even makes sence for feeling the way i do, because in every other way Sean is an amazing boyfriend and father and I love him with all my heart and honestly don't know what I would do without him x



 
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Old Jan 17th, 2013, 17:34 PM   7
JadeBaby75
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Honestly if I were you I would blast him for this crap! There is no way he should be talking to other girls like this especially if he cheated on you in the past. A remorseful cheater would do anything it took to earn your trust back since its apparent he has severe boundary issues! You MUST address him with this like yesterday and stand up for yourself. I have no tolerance for a non-remorseful cheater so I think your next move is clear. Tell him to come clean about this girl, give you access to his FB instantly ( no time to delete anything) and depending on what he says demand an STD test. I know this may seem extreme but you can't let him walk all over you. He owes you the truth and only from there will you be able to feel better! Good luck, I wish you the best



 
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Old Jan 18th, 2013, 05:40 AM   8
lola_90
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I would just ask him, I know that when i'm pissed off at my oh i have to talk to him about it otherwise i just turn into a psycho lol!

Changing his fb password does sound dodgy, is he protective of his phone at all? That is a major warning signal.




 
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Old Jan 20th, 2013, 06:51 AM   9
tinkerbelle93
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I don't really have a lot of advice but I think the best thing to do is to sit down with your OH and be totally honest and just tell him everything.

My OH used to do things that upset me a lot and I'd never say anything so he'd carry on doing it and I'd get more upset. Nowadays, if he does something that I think is inappropriate then I just tell him. It's much easier. I think you should tell him how upset you are and mention all of the things in your post... also point out how would he feel if it was you talking to random blokes, I always try and make my OH consider how it'd be vice versa cause sometimes they just don't think like that.

Hope things get better xx



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Old Jan 20th, 2013, 12:25 PM   10
Sarah1508
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Just to let everyone know everythings sorted, well we do have some stuff to work on still, including me with my paranoia :S but things are much better, just read what Hannah said above before I wrote this and that's actually exactly what I did and will do in future if anything bothers me so I don't let it eat away at me! Thanks for the advice everyone x



 
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