to child support or not to child support? is the question?

alysedelovely · Apr 5th, 2011, 22:19 PM

most of you probably know my situation with FOB, but I will recap for anyone who doesn't know:

FOB and I were broken up when I found out I was pregnant. We got back together. discussed marriage. broke up. found out he had been seeing another girl (whom he's now engaged to btw!!!)

anyways, through out my pregnancy, he would call screaming at me and telling me i just did this for money and i'm a slut blah blah. and he never came to a doctor's appt or anything. then she was born. he didnt sign the birth certificate, he didnt come to the hospital. he met her a few days later- because he had a show the day after she was born.

he's seen her a handful of times (6 to be exact), and really shows no interest in being in her life.. He hasn't contacted in months and hasn't seen her since december 8.. but I am struggling financially and I know he has the money to pay.

so should I file the paperwork? or should I not? I am concerned he will want to take her every other weekend and I don't know who she will be around or how that other woman will treat her.

Callie-xoxox · Apr 5th, 2011, 23:12 PM

Hey, its a hard situation. I am in the same boat.
Its hard to see whats better money or having FOB half rights when he deserves none.
I am financially stable so I am going to wait till Lyrik is a year and if him and I have not figured it out on our own then I am going to take him to court.

Tanara · Apr 5th, 2011, 23:24 PM

both my kids dad pay for their kids but they are also involved. I would go after him if it were me

Desi's_lost · Apr 5th, 2011, 23:44 PM

Personally, i havent. He deserves no place in her life and i'm not chancing it. Money isn't worth the chance that lo will get hurt - emotionally or physically.

annawrigley · Apr 6th, 2011, 02:47 AM

Definitely think you should. He made her, he can pay for her! And if he's only seen her 6 times since she was born chances are that won't change. If you dont want Tegan being around his new gf she doesn't have to be! What I was planning to do with FOB before we sorted things out (there was a period of time after we broke up and before Noah was born that we weren't speaking and he had a new gf who he insisted was gonna be in Noah's life), was to make sure he knew his gf would NOT be in Noah's life under any circumstances, unless they had been together like 5 years which I knew wouldn't happen (they broke up after 3 months

). I was gonna say he could come round to my house, or I would go to his, or we could meet somewhere mutual. If it came down to it and he did pay, but then was like "I want Tegan every other weekend" or whatever you would be perfectly within your rights (I hope... Not entirely sure how it is in the US) to say nope you've seen her 6 times since she was born I don't think you know how to deal with her, you can see her with me present. I definitely think you should get child support off him though, too many guys get away with being a dick to their kids' mums and then dodging having to pay as well! xx

wishuwerehere · Apr 6th, 2011, 03:08 AM

I don't ask FOB for money, even though he sees Issy every week, or take it when he offers. I probably sound like an idiot to all the girls whose FOB isn't around or won't pay, but it's a pride thing. I need him to know I can do it without him, so I tell him to put in a bank account for her instead if he wants to.
If I were you then I wouldn't want his money, especially after he'd said you were only doing it for the money. But if you're struggling for money or you think I sound like a petty moron (

) then I would go for it.

lily123 · Apr 6th, 2011, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annawrigley

Definitely think you should. He made her, he can pay for her! And if he's only seen her 6 times since she was born chances are that won't change. If you dont want Tegan being around his new gf she doesn't have to be! What I was planning to do with FOB before we sorted things out (there was a period of time after we broke up and before Noah was born that we weren't speaking and he had a new gf who he insisted was gonna be in Noah's life), was to make sure he knew his gf would NOT be in Noah's life under any circumstances, unless they had been together like 5 years which I knew wouldn't happen (they broke up after 3 months

). I was gonna say he could come round to my house, or I would go to his, or we could meet somewhere mutual. If it came down to it and he did pay, but then was like "I want Tegan every other weekend" or whatever you would be perfectly within your rights (I hope... Not entirely sure how it is in the US) to say nope you've seen her 6 times since she was born I don't think you know how to deal with her, you can see her with me present. I definitely think you should get child support off him though, too many guys get away with being a dick to their kids' mums and then dodging having to pay as well! xx

^^WSS! He helped make her, he can help pay for her!
xx

aidensxmomma · Apr 6th, 2011, 06:24 AM

I didn't read through all the replies, so I might be repeating something. Anyway...

In the US child support and visitation are two separate parts of the law. Basically, you can go after him for child support and if he has to pay, it does not mean that he gets visitation rights. It's a separate case.

Me and my OH are together, but the state opened a child support case, and even though he was paying, I had full custody of the kids. Had we broken up, he would have had to gone to court to get to see them (not that I wouldn't let him, but he's also a very involved father).

Hopefully that made sense. Good luck with whatever you decide.

alysedelovely · Apr 6th, 2011, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aidensxmomma

I didn't read through all the replies, so I might be repeating something. Anyway...

In the US child support and visitation are two separate parts of the law. Basically, you can go after him for child support and if he has to pay, it does not mean that he gets visitation rights. It's a separate case.

Me and my OH are together, but the state opened a child support case, and even though he was paying, I had full custody of the kids. Had we broken up, he would have had to gone to court to get to see them (not that I wouldn't let him, but he's also a very involved father).

Hopefully that made sense. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hey, yeah I knew they were two completely different things. It just scares me that he might go after them.

Desi's_lost · Apr 6th, 2011, 13:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alysedelovely

Quote:

Originally Posted by aidensxmomma

I didn't read through all the replies, so I might be repeating something. Anyway...

In the US child support and visitation are two separate parts of the law. Basically, you can go after him for child support and if he has to pay, it does not mean that he gets visitation rights. It's a separate case.

Me and my OH are together, but the state opened a child support case, and even though he was paying, I had full custody of the kids. Had we broken up, he would have had to gone to court to get to see them (not that I wouldn't let him, but he's also a very involved father).

Hopefully that made sense. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hey, yeah I knew they were two completely different things. It just scares me that he might go after them.

Thats exactly why i dont. no need to poke a sleeping giant.

Apr 5th, 2011, 22:19 PM	#1
alysedelovely Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Roswell, GA, USA Posts: 488	to child support or not to child support? is the question? most of you probably know my situation with FOB, but I will recap for anyone who doesn't know: FOB and I were broken up when I found out I was pregnant. We got back together. discussed marriage. broke up. found out he had been seeing another girl (whom he's now engaged to btw!!!) anyways, through out my pregnancy, he would call screaming at me and telling me i just did this for money and i'm a slut blah blah. and he never came to a doctor's appt or anything. then she was born. he didnt sign the birth certificate, he didnt come to the hospital. he met her a few days later- because he had a show the day after she was born. he's seen her a handful of times (6 to be exact), and really shows no interest in being in her life.. He hasn't contacted in months and hasn't seen her since december 8.. but I am struggling financially and I know he has the money to pay. so should I file the paperwork? or should I not? I am concerned he will want to take her every other weekend and I don't know who she will be around or how that other woman will treat her.

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Apr 5th, 2011, 23:12 PM	#2
Callie-xoxox Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Chilliwack B.c Canada Posts: 2,322	Hey, its a hard situation. I am in the same boat. Its hard to see whats better money or having FOB half rights when he deserves none. I am financially stable so I am going to wait till Lyrik is a year and if him and I have not figured it out on our own then I am going to take him to court.

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2011, 23:24 PM	#3
Tanara Waiting To Try (WTT) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 2,558	both my kids dad pay for their kids but they are also involved. I would go after him if it were me

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Apr 5th, 2011, 23:44 PM	#4
Desi's_lost Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: USA Posts: 4,334	Personally, i havent. He deserves no place in her life and i'm not chancing it. Money isn't worth the chance that lo will get hurt - emotionally or physically.

Status: Offline

Apr 6th, 2011, 02:47 AM	#5
annawrigley Mum (Mom) Inactive Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: York, UK Posts: 10,807	Definitely think you should. He made her, he can pay for her! And if he's only seen her 6 times since she was born chances are that won't change. If you dont want Tegan being around his new gf she doesn't have to be! What I was planning to do with FOB before we sorted things out (there was a period of time after we broke up and before Noah was born that we weren't speaking and he had a new gf who he insisted was gonna be in Noah's life), was to make sure he knew his gf would NOT be in Noah's life under any circumstances, unless they had been together like 5 years which I knew wouldn't happen (they broke up after 3 months ). I was gonna say he could come round to my house, or I would go to his, or we could meet somewhere mutual. If it came down to it and he did pay, but then was like "I want Tegan every other weekend" or whatever you would be perfectly within your rights (I hope... Not entirely sure how it is in the US) to say nope you've seen her 6 times since she was born I don't think you know how to deal with her, you can see her with me present. I definitely think you should get child support off him though, too many guys get away with being a dick to their kids' mums and then dodging having to pay as well! xx

Status: Offline

Apr 6th, 2011, 03:08 AM	#6
wishuwerehere Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 2,126	I don't ask FOB for money, even though he sees Issy every week, or take it when he offers. I probably sound like an idiot to all the girls whose FOB isn't around or won't pay, but it's a pride thing. I need him to know I can do it without him, so I tell him to put in a bank account for her instead if he wants to. If I were you then I wouldn't want his money, especially after he'd said you were only doing it for the money. But if you're struggling for money or you think I sound like a petty moron () then I would go for it.

Status: Online

Apr 6th, 2011, 06:24 AM	#8
aidensxmomma Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2008 Location: Wisconsin, U.S. Posts: 3,503	I didn't read through all the replies, so I might be repeating something. Anyway... In the US child support and visitation are two separate parts of the law. Basically, you can go after him for child support and if he has to pay, it does not mean that he gets visitation rights. It's a separate case. Me and my OH are together, but the state opened a child support case, and even though he was paying, I had full custody of the kids. Had we broken up, he would have had to gone to court to get to see them (not that I wouldn't let him, but he's also a very involved father). Hopefully that made sense. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Status: Offline

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