Ok, well OH has two siblings, a sister and a brother. Well when we found out I was pregnant and talked to his family about it, they told us that his older sister (the favorite) was also pregnant and we were due around the same time. She was due a week after me I think. Anyways, since me and OH weren't together we never talked about it, and I never thought anything of it. Well, Dante (OH's nephew) is 3 weeks older than Avalon and when they were younger I didn't really notice any favoritism within the family but now that they're older I see it big time. Like, Avalon is majorly brilliant, she's really advanced and has been since she was born(Please don't think I'm bragging, I'm really not =/). I know that all babies develop differently and I was just really happy my little girl caught on to everything so quickly; I considered it a blessing. Well, I've tried talking to MIL and FIL about Avalon, because I get really excited about how much she's learning and she learns new 'tricks' every day, so I get all hyped up and try to show everyone cause I think it's cool. I'm sure every parent does this.
Well if I'm around OH's sister, I'm not allowed to do that because I'm 'rubbing it in'. Dante isn't as advanced as Avalon and never has been, and personally, I've never thought that Dante was stupid or anything, he just developed slower, I mean I never like looked down on him I honestly didn't see it as a bad thing, it just happens, I'm sure that one of my future children won't be as advanced as Avalon, it really isn't a big deal. But to MIL/FIL it is a big deal. If I bring it up they get all pissed off and start going off about how I'm 'rubbing it in' that Dante isn't as quick as Avalon or smart as Avalon, etc. So whenever the family gets together I can't show everyone all the things Avalon's learned because they don't want to offend the 'favorite' daughter. It's ridiculous. And the worst part is that, alot of the reason Avalon learns so much is that I work with her all the time. So does OH, and my parents. Every single day we're reading to her and trying to teach her new words and 'tricks' but all Dante's dad (who watches him all day) does is watch sports. He just makes Dante run around and play with his toys. If he gets into anything, they scream at him, etc. I feel really bad for him. I think he's a bright boy, and I do think he learns quickly, just isn't given the chance. I can't say anything to MIL or FIL because they'll freak out.
Another thing is that Avalon isn't around other children, just adults, so she doesn't understand how to interact with children. She's really rough and tends to knock Dante down, but directly afterwards she holds out her hand and says "Up!" and tries to help him. But everyone freaks out on Avalon and calls her a bully and basically sits there and judges me for not punishing her, since I didn't think she did anything wrong. I just tell her to try to be more gentle and to play nice...I mean she is mean to him, she's bite him twice before but she quickly quit after I had a talk with her about it and scolded her for biting him (right on the nose too). For the most part though, she's pretty nice and just tries to play with him.
It just gets so frustrating because honestly, OH is the least liked out of all of the kids and with OH failing college and coming home to work full time to help support us, as well as us getting pregnant so young, I truly believe that his family will only ever view Avalon as a mistake that OH and I both made. I know his dad definitely does. He straight up told me that when we(my parents, MIL/FIL, me and OH) all sat down to talk together when I found out I was pregnant and discuss what would happen, he said "I couldn't believe how happy your parents seemed, I mean you're guy's lives were over and they were just happy about it." I was like, "No, my parents were freaking out for me, but they were trying not to scare me, as I was already crying every single night and stressing out constantly. They were just being good parents." He even had to nerve to say "I still can't believe all this. I'm really not happy about it. It's just really horrible what happened to you two." Like WTF?! How DARE he say that about Avalon. She was definitely not a HORRIBLE thing. She was just unexpected. Me and OH's lives aren't over! OH straightened his life right out after her and so did I! I'm still appaled that he even said that.

I'm just really frustrated with, mostly, OH's dad but his mom too. I really just can't believe all this shit that is going on with all this. It's ridiculous and I just want Avalon to be treated fairly.

Don't really need reply's just trying to let off steam....

/rant

Sorry for the novel...

That really is hard.. have you tried talking to them about how they are making you feel? Maybe they don't even realise it! I'd get very defensive if my parents ever spoke about my children as mistakes now, any time anyone has ever mentioned anything even remotely like 'mistake' i've batted it fiercly away. So I can understand why you'd be really bothered by it.

hope something works out for you

:HUGS: that really sucks you cant be more proud of Avalon around them.

I hope this doesnt offend you but this is what I would do in your situation. I don't agree with your in-laws at all but I would just stop trying to "show" them how amazing your daughter is. Because they are so sensitive about it its just going to cause more stress for you! Eveytime you try to impress them with new "tricks" that your daughter has learned they will just see it as showing off and mocking your OH's nephew. Its not fair and is borderline rude but sometimes we just have to accept things for the way they are.

BTW, I can totally relate to having OH's family play favorites with the grankids. I count my blessings though and am really thankful that my family adores her like no other!

I haven't actually tried and with his dad it is impossible. He cannot be wrong. It's probably one of the most annoying things ever. OH's mom hasn't been around lately, all she does is work and sleep.

I kind of have given up, like I don't do it anywhere near as much anymore but it's almost natural for me to do it, since I've lived with my parents up until a couple months ago. Luckily, I'm not around them too horribly much so that definitely helps.