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Old May 20th, 2012, 14:48 PM   31
rosie272
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I think if it's financially viable for you to be a SAHM then definitely, and look into trying for a little sideline for yourself to give you something to do/earn extra cash. I have to work being a single parent but have recently reduced my hours and am loving every extra second of being with Charlie, even though I don't have as much money as I did, I don't care, it's totally worth it to me as I felt I was missing out on way too much. Now I feel we have a happy balance - he really does love nursery and has loads of little friends who we've became friends with outside nursery too but if i was in a relationship with a working partner, I'd love to be a SAHM. I understand people saying they have strong views on the parents staying at home with the kids but situations change and are sometimes outwith our control. We Mums have to make tough decisions sometimes! Good luck with yours



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 15:02 PM   32
MrsMurphy2Be
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Im probably in a different situation from everyone else. I am a single parent, who shares custody with fob. He has her 3 nights a week. I am lucky enough that i have a job working the 3 nights she is at her dads. Its only in a local chip shop that i worked in when i was 17! But its a job nonetheless! I think id go crazy if i did nothing on the nights shes not with me, and i am very grateful that my boss allowed me to basically choose my hours. i have also made some good friends and appreciate the adult chat!
I think if i was in the situarion where i could choose, i would probably still want to work but not full time. I cant say for sure as im not lucky enough to have had that oppurtunity. I think you should go with what you feel is right for you and tour family xx



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 15:49 PM   33
hajis-sweetie
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SAHM. That is all. x



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 15:58 PM   34
Lara+sam+bump
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I worked fulltime as a care assistant when I got pregnant. I took 9 months maternity and then returned working saturday nights (12 hr shifts) this was whilst OH was still away at uni. Then when he finished uni a year later and OH moves in with me,I started working 2 nights a week, but it really took its toll on my health as I would just have LO in the day as usual so was awake for 48 hr stretches twice a week. So I decided to become a childminder, it meant us moving house and area, but has been so worth it. We live in a more expensive house now, that if I didnt work then we couldnt live here. I am about to go on mat leave for the summer holidays and then will return to work in October, working with just one LO and then in Jan I take back 2 of my school run kids. But theres a possibility of losing the LO I look after, so if that happens I will take 9 months MAT leave whilst aggressively advertsing for a new starter. OH may have a new job which means I dont really need to work, but I enjoy it and think its good for my LO to have other kids around. Also I like having my own money to buy birthday presents and toiletries etc. xxxx



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 16:37 PM   35
QTPie
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What do you do?

I have a degree and a Masters Degree as well as quite a lot of experience, but took a lot of time off to compete at international level sports and then start a family. Cannot see myself getting back into it (Systems/software engineering): way out of touch - my own fault....

However I wouldn't change being a SAHM for the world. How often to you hear people lamenting that they didn't work enough days? But there are lots of people who regret not spending more time with theirchikdren growing up... They grow up so fast and you never get that time again.

Especially if you would need to do a long commute...

I KNOW that I will really need to get into "something" (work/volunteer/academic/something) when DS (or, hopefully, another DC) start full-time school. But it probably won't be related to my long-buried career. However, I won't want to work full-time whilst they are in school: want to be able to puck them up from school, go to sports days, help with projects and generally not miss them growing up.

I remember my Mum working a lot: being passed from childminder to childminder, being left outside the school gates waiting for often 30/60 minutes to be picked up etc. Then my Mum spending the weekend catching up on housework etc - no "family time" or outings. This isn't what I want for my child/ren.

As for "financial independence", only you can judge that. A lot depends on what your DH is like and how you agree to manage things between you (obviously you need an arrangement where you have somevof your "own" money.... ).

QT



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 16:53 PM   36
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I couldnt work full-time but equally as much, i just couldnt be a SAHM either.
So i have a happy medium where by i work part-time.

Aymen only attends nursery 2 afternoons a week for 4 hrs because it works out that i am home with him when DH is at work and vice versa....even if i was a SAHM i think id keep the nursery side of things going...hes doing so well there.

I think i will continue bein part-time until Aymen reaches his teens.



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:19 PM   37
shambaby
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if i had the choice i'd be a sahm without hesitation. i have a very good, rewarding career, but i can't say i love my job because i spend every minute i am there wishing i wasn't. there are so many things i want to do with hayden, but there never seems to be the time to do them. i loved my year off on maternity leave, and am so looking forward to doing it again if / when #2 comes along.

i think i would worry about what i would do if i found myself having to look after hayden alone, but am sure i would find a way.

what i'm not so sure about is whether hayden would want to be a stay at home child! he loves nursery so much, and i think that if i gave up work and took him out of nursery altogether now, he would suffer.

to the op - it sounds like you're not entirely comfortable with the idea of being a sahm full-time, and there's nothing wrong with that. in that case, i would suggest taking some time out to try being a sahm, whilst on the look-out for a suitable part-time job. if you find one, great, you get your ideal solution. or you may find you actually enjoy being a sahm. or you might not, and you could then decide to go back to full-time work. but i wouldn't rush back to it when you don't have to - take some time to figure out what's right for you and your family. good luck x



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 22:16 PM   38
amygwen
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Honestly, I would really dislike being a SAHM. I much prefer working full-time. I actually had a talk with a friend at work who said she was a SAHM for ten years with her first child and went back into the work force and she says she feels much more happy working full-time than she does being a SAHM.

Working full-time is difficult because I am away from my LO for a majority of the time, but I really do appreciate the time I get to spend with him on the evenings and at the weekends because I'm not with him 24/7. Not trying to be mean about my LO because I love him to bits, but I can't imagine being with him 24/7, I just can't. I love working and wouldn't want to be a SAHM.



 
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Old May 21st, 2012, 07:13 AM   39
PocoHR
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QTPie View Post
What do you do?

I have a degree and a Masters Degree as well as quite a lot of experience, but took a lot of time off to compete at international level sports and then start a family. Cannot see myself getting back into it (Systems/software engineering): way out of touch - my own fault....

However I wouldn't change being a SAHM for the world. How often to you hear people lamenting that they didn't work enough days? But there are lots of people who regret not spending more time with theirchikdren growing up...
QT
You made a lot of great points, and it sounds like you have good reasons behind them, and I am not trying to argue with you. I just wanted to point out that, while people might not say they wish they had "worked more days", PLENTY of women get to a certain age, when their kids are in school especially, and find themselves feeling lost, uncertain and underaccomplished. The sort of feelings that could be avoided if they had their own career path. I know my own mother, who had me when she was 21 and was a SAHM, readily admits she wishes she had waited, gotten an education, and had a career she could have continued. She feels she had a lot of talents that were wasted, and I don't think that is an uncommon sentiment. So, I think its unfair to say no one regrets staying at home as opposed to working, and its unrealistic to imply that that is the best option for everyone. School hours are long and I know that when I have children and they are in school I will not want to have find ways to fill my time. I would much rather have job, and it would be nice if it was one that I found satisfying.



 
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Old May 21st, 2012, 08:10 AM   40
QTPie
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Sorry certainly didn't mean to imply that everyone should be a SAHM: being a SAHM is rather "challenging" and sometimes even "boring" (when you have answered the same question for the 10 millionth time that day... ) and not for everyone.

As you can see - although missing from your quote of what I said - I did suggest that people need to "have things to move on to" when their DCs are at school. You cannot "sacrefice" your life/career for your children (because when they fly the coup, you are likely to be sorely lost), but "career breaks" etc are an option. It is all about "balance" and, yes, the nature of that balance is different for different people. I certainly DO believe that every Mum needs to keep some of herself (whether that is by working, by exercising, by going out with friends - whatever).

It was one of the reasons why I asked the OP what they do: some careers are easier to take a break from than others and some careers are a lot more fulfilling than others.

I met a retired lady Paediatrician once and all of the photos of her children (on display in her house) were of her three children with their various nannies. She said that children were just work for her - she much preferred cats (so tha nnies brought the kids up). Worked for her.

I am maybe odd, I scaled back a potentially very high flying career to firstly spend more time with my husband and secondly to be a SAHM and we are all happier because of it (much more time, much less stress). DS and I have "ups and downs" (especially around the wrong time of the month), but I really love being the person who brings him up and who is there (virtually all of the time) to shape his forming character and behaviour. Although there will be many "external influences" when he reaches school, at the moment I am the biggest influence in his most formative years and - 99.5% of the time - I like what I see and am very pleased with the results .

Being a SAHM is also changing me: really improving my patience and opening up how I see the world (in a good way).

It is up to the OP: I am sure that she knows what she wants. She could try working (if she wanted to give it a try) and could always drop it if it didn't work. Maybe really focus on trying to get something part time and/or with some work from home (again, depending on her job). Or she could try being a SAHM, BUT have a good solid plan for the future (register on some CPD, start some acadenic qualification - Open University? - keep up with her industry by reading journals etc): there are definitely ways to keep doors open, if you are keen and organised...

QT

Quote:
Originally Posted by PocoHR View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by QTPie View Post
What do you do?

I have a degree and a Masters Degree as well as quite a lot of experience, but took a lot of time off to compete at international level sports and then start a family. Cannot see myself getting back into it (Systems/software engineering): way out of touch - my own fault....

However I wouldn't change being a SAHM for the world. How often to you hear people lamenting that they didn't work enough days? But there are lots of people who regret not spending more time with theirchikdren growing up...
QT
You made a lot of great points, and it sounds like you have good reasons behind them, and I am not trying to argue with you. I just wanted to point out that, while people might not say they wish they had "worked more days", PLENTY of women get to a certain age, when their kids are in school especially, and find themselves feeling lost, uncertain and underaccomplished. The sort of feelings that could be avoided if they had their own career path. I know my own mother, who had me when she was 21 and was a SAHM, readily admits she wishes she had waited, gotten an education, and had a career she could have continued. She feels she had a lot of talents that were wasted, and I don't think that is an uncommon sentiment. So, I think its unfair to say no one regrets staying at home as opposed to working, and its unrealistic to imply that that is the best option for everyone. School hours are long and I know that when I have children and they are in school I will not want to have find ways to fill my time. I would much rather have job, and it would be nice if it was one that I found satisfying.



 
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