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Old Aug 30th, 2014, 00:44 AM   21
Dawnlouise30
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We asked my brother and his wife if they would look after Isaac if something should happen to us, they agreed. Our soliciter advised us that if they were to be Isaacs guardians then it made practical sense to make them executors of the will, since they would be the ones needing our money / house etc to help look after Isaac. We have put in clauses, ie only a reasonable amount to cover reasonable expenses (ie school trips / education related stuff) to be freed up to them, as they would get child benefit for day to day. Then the rest to go into a trust fund for Isaac.....im not wording it too well, but basically my brother and his wife know that in agreeing to look after Isaac should they need to, we will secure his future as much as we can financially, but they would also end up paying for his upkeep too, and that we would like them to be sensible with how they allocate any money left to Isaac, with his future in mind (so he doesnt run out really quickly!). This applies to any other children we have too.

We have agreed we will do the same for them when they have children (should they want us to)



 
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Old Aug 30th, 2014, 02:01 AM   22
pandacub
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I haven't yet but plan to very soon. Does anyone know, if the mob were to pass away, would the fob get automatic custody? (And they're not in a relationship either)
Because tbh, I would rather Jacob go to my parents than fob, he has never even had Jacob over night.



 
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Old Aug 30th, 2014, 04:46 AM   23
icklemonster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zephram View Post
I'm constantly feeling a bit anxious that we haven't written wills yet. It's a very good idea to have one, you never know what's going to happen. I am a bit uncertain about addressing the question of who would look after LO if we both were gone - my OH would probably want his family, and I'd want mine... not sure how you decide that one?
It certainly caused a falling out with DH and I, but I'm glad we now have it in place. I think the fair way to decide it is to look at all the factors. I think most people when considering grandparents as guardians use age as the biggest factor to consider - I know most my friends wouldn't consider either set of parents as they are too old and would be in their 80's by the time LO was 18, so they looked to siblings.

If they both sets of Grandparents are a similar age, look at location - would it mean uprooting LO from school, their friends etc. Also financial situation, space in house, how much time they spend with LO, would they raise LO in line with your beliefs etc.
For us the only dividing factor was age as LO is very close to both Grandparents as they share childcare while I work, and both have space, live closeby, have big houses etc.

So I would say raise the issue and make a list of important factors to you



 
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Old Aug 30th, 2014, 06:00 AM   24
Rags
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I already had a will which was made when i bought my house. This covered what should happen to.my positions should i die without children and the lawyer added a section should i have children in the future rather than having the cost of a full re write. When DS was born all i had to do was call them and they made up a codicil detailing who i would like to take on his care should the worst happen and i die or be incapacitated. It is worth noting that in Scotland at least my chosen person will still have to apply to the court for guardianship to be made legal, even though it is my wish it may not be granted if they do other feel it is suitable.



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Old Aug 31st, 2014, 02:00 AM   25
justmeinlove
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Ahhhh totally this, it really stresses me out as I have no idea who lo should go to. Nightmare :-\



 
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Old Aug 31st, 2014, 03:43 AM   26
CazM 2011
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We made a will when Emma was little that includes all future children too. We have given guardianship to a non blood relative, it didn't go down well, they would live with Kev eldest step daughter from his first marriage. She's more involved with the girls than any other family member and to be honest we see her as family anyway. I was so worried that if we left them to one side or the other then not everyone would get to see them but am very happy with her. We asked her first as I didn't want a shock if the worst was to happen xx



 
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Old Aug 31st, 2014, 05:17 AM   27
liz1985
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Originally Posted by pandacub View Post
I haven't yet but plan to very soon. Does anyone know, if the mob were to pass away, would the fob get automatic custody? (And they're not in a relationship either)
Because tbh, I would rather Jacob go to my parents than fob, he has never even had Jacob over night.
Im pretty sure that if your in the uk then this information is correct but please check it out to make sure.

If your child was born after 2003 and the father is named on the birth certificate then you have joint parental responsability so unless there are any other court orders in place since birth then the child would go to her father after your death if thats he wanted. You could leave your wishes known in a will for whoever you wanted to be legal gaurdian but this person would have to fight for custody of the child and a court would decide. If he is not named on the birth certificate he has no parental responsability so you could decide where you wanted the child to go. I do think he could appeal this at a later date though.



 
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Old Aug 31st, 2014, 05:20 AM   28
liz1985
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Since this thread its made me even more eager to get things official. Me and OH just can not agree though. For those of you who disagreed with partner over who should have custody of children how did you resolve it?



 
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Old Aug 31st, 2014, 16:59 PM   29
tommyg
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Haven't done one as I really don't know how it would work with regards to FOB. I assume if I die Maria would go to him but what if I have more children in the future, would she have to be separated from her siblings? And I guess I would have no say in what would happen if I die first, she goes to him and then he dies - really really don't want her going to any member of his family.

Even without the FOB issue I have no idea who I would want to look after Maria if I (and OH) die, my first thought is my oldest brother but that would mean her having to move to a different country which is hardly ideal, and I really don't think any of OH's family would be ideal either.
Personally I think you should have a chat with a lawyer in Finland and find out what legal status a will has with regards to custody and other issues. If something happened to you does the state step in? Would your family have the right to take her out of the country? I assume they would as technically she is a duel national but....you really must speak with a lawyer.

We have wills written under Scots law stating where in the event of both of us dying where we would want DS to go. Yes we asked the people involved, we have given our A choice and B option too. Mainly as A choice is a single mum and B choice is miles away. Which also ment we kept delaying making a decision nobody wants to talk about their kids being left alone in the world.

However WILLs are exactly that they are a will and you can put in them what YOU would WANT to happen but they are not legally binding ie the person named does have the right to say No, others may also contest the will the court can make a decision normally they will take into account what the will states but if their is good reason the court can over rule.

Ultimately everybody should have a will as it can save lots of arguments later. It is also a way of protecting OHs esp if a couple aren't married - don't be fooled by "common law wife" esp in Scotland.
It also makes it easier for who ever is trying to settle and close bank accounts etc



 
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Old Sep 1st, 2014, 03:32 AM   30
Natsku
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Originally Posted by tommyg View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku View Post
Haven't done one as I really don't know how it would work with regards to FOB. I assume if I die Maria would go to him but what if I have more children in the future, would she have to be separated from her siblings? And I guess I would have no say in what would happen if I die first, she goes to him and then he dies - really really don't want her going to any member of his family.

Even without the FOB issue I have no idea who I would want to look after Maria if I (and OH) die, my first thought is my oldest brother but that would mean her having to move to a different country which is hardly ideal, and I really don't think any of OH's family would be ideal either.
Personally I think you should have a chat with a lawyer in Finland and find out what legal status a will has with regards to custody and other issues. If something happened to you does the state step in? Would your family have the right to take her out of the country? I assume they would as technically she is a duel national but....you really must speak with a lawyer.

We have wills written under Scots law stating where in the event of both of us dying where we would want DS to go. Yes we asked the people involved, we have given our A choice and B option too. Mainly as A choice is a single mum and B choice is miles away. Which also ment we kept delaying making a decision nobody wants to talk about their kids being left alone in the world.

However WILLs are exactly that they are a will and you can put in them what YOU would WANT to happen but they are not legally binding ie the person named does have the right to say No, others may also contest the will the court can make a decision normally they will take into account what the will states but if their is good reason the court can over rule.

Ultimately everybody should have a will as it can save lots of arguments later. It is also a way of protecting OHs esp if a couple aren't married - don't be fooled by "common law wife" esp in Scotland.
It also makes it easier for who ever is trying to settle and close bank accounts etc
Yeah I should really go talk to a lawyer, just something I put off thinking about it as I really don't want to consider the possibility I might die before Maria grows up



 
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