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Old Aug 22nd, 2015, 05:18 AM   1
AngelofTroy
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How to handle deliberate 'naughty' behaviour


I can't be the only one who's toddler acts up for a reaction, but what do you do when they deliberately do something they know is wrong and then grin at you?

It's almost like with Micah he acts up when he can't handle the praise. So yesterday OH got home and I made a big fuss of telling daddy how well Micah had done using the toilet and that he'd earned a reward (time on the Cbeebies app). Then Micah went to the loo and came back grinning from ear to ear and told us he'd put the whole loo roll down the toilet. He 100% knew it was wrong! And was laughing! I didn't know what to say. I told him it was naughty but also explained why, that it's wasteful and dirty and that it could have broken the toilet. Then I told him he'd lost his reward.

So I took the roll outside to the bin and he followed me out and then squatted down laughing and pooed on the front lawn! Again it was 100% deliberate. And he said "but I've already lost my Cbeebies" so the reward thing doesn't seem to work.

How do other people handle this? I feel like I'm either giving too much of a reaction or letting him get away with murder! I can't get the balance right.



 
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Old Aug 22nd, 2015, 05:52 AM   2
biglebowski
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I'll be watching this thread with interest. My lo is going through an "interesting" phase. Hes got me almost tearing my hair out at times. We have had a return of hitting, saying things he knows aren't nice "you're a bad Mummy" and just acting up. If we address it he laughs or does it more. If I ignore it (which HV said to do at his recent 2 1/2 yr review, or distract) I feel I'm condoning the behaviour. I must confess, Im finding 2 1/2 the toughest age by far!! Me and OH are getting quite snippy with each other too as we both find it trying.



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Old Aug 22nd, 2015, 06:04 AM   3
k4th
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We went through this with dd (& still do some days, although she's better now she's older).

Have you tried a reward chart? Just thinking that the praise is "standard" and the focus is on the chart rather than him if he struggles with direct praise? Keep the tasks shirt & positive. We had gentle feet (rather than no stamping your feet!), good eating, clean knickers & nice talking (instead of drop the attitude!!).

I used to work alongside some clinical psychologists & I'm pretty sure I remember them saying that if a child has earned a reward then they get it. Even if they are naughty afterwards, they still did the good behaviour iyswim? At your los age I might have done 2 mins on the thinking step with explanation about the toilet roll & then said, you did really well at "insert" today so we still have cbeebies time. Hopefully that would then have avoided the poop on the lawn - but that would definitely have got dd the thinking step!!!! Sometimes it helps me to have time out as much as her!!

And it does pass - I remember it being a tough time



 
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Old Aug 22nd, 2015, 13:22 PM   4
Quartz
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This ageis tough v ddo like to push buttons. I would first of all remenber micah may intellectually know the brhaviour is wrong but thst does not mean he understands it on an emotional/social level of development. The lure of being a typical 3 year old is too strong.

Also separate out rewards and punishments and therefore good and bad behaviour. He earned the reward leave that in s bubble. \his behaviour with the toilet roll needed addressed but should remain separate otherwise you get left with no where to go.

And remember he is not yet 3 and still little this behaviourthough challenging and hard is normal



 
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Old Aug 22nd, 2015, 16:34 PM   5
sheebee
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I'd also try to make the reward as ibstabr as possible after what it was given for. That way you won't feel like you're rewarding negative behaviour.

Also, if you know he doesn't like to be prasied, go easy on it for a while. I'd read that behaviour as him trying to tell you the praise is making him uncomfortable. Perhaps it make him feel pressured? Although it clear that you're not pressuring him, maybe that's what he is perceiving? Just some thoughts.



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Old Aug 23rd, 2015, 14:14 PM   6
Natsku
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Maria went through a phase around that age of reacting badly to praise - doing something naughty or generally acting out if I had praised her for something. I think I was just making too big a deal out of things and she couldn't handle that. I calmed down praise a lot, made it a simple 'well done' and quickly move on and that seemed to help.



 
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Old Aug 23rd, 2015, 17:27 PM   7
SarahBear
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When it comes to the roll down the toilet, I may have taken the reward away too, but I'm not sure it's the "right" choice since it was earned for something unrelated. Another option I may have considered would be to explain to Violet why it shouldn't be done and then put the toilet paper out of reach for a while. In terms of pooping on the lawn, I would put Violet in a diaper.



 
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Old Aug 23rd, 2015, 17:28 PM   8
SarahBear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by biglebowski View Post
I'll be watching this thread with interest. My lo is going through an "interesting" phase. Hes got me almost tearing my hair out at times. We have had a return of hitting, saying things he knows aren't nice "you're a bad Mummy" and just acting up. If we address it he laughs or does it more. If I ignore it (which HV said to do at his recent 2 1/2 yr review, or distract) I feel I'm condoning the behaviour. I must confess, Im finding 2 1/2 the toughest age by far!! Me and OH are getting quite snippy with each other too as we both find it trying.
A balance might be to say "we can talk when you have nicer things to say." That way you point out that you don't condone it and after the initial attention this statement gives, you can just remove the attention by not saying anything else.



 
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