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Old Oct 29th, 2015, 16:59 PM   1
Dawnlouise30
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naughty behaviour to gain attention.


Hello.

My son has just turned 3 years old and in the last month or so we have seen his behaviour go downhill both at home and nursery.

He has always been a spirited and wilful child but recently he has:
: begun spitting
: hitting me, his dad or others deliberately, he will just walk past us and smack us. No run up go it, it just comes out the blue. Today he hit a lady as he walked past her.
: kicking things, throwing toys, smacking the TV

Now when he does these things our response is always consistent. He gets told off for spitting and explained to that it's disgusting and we don't like it, we then distract him but if it continues we remove him from us.
He gets told to stop smacking, explained to that it hurts and is asked to apologise....... He will often apologise but recently we sense that he doesn't mean it.
For throwing toys he loses the toy he throws for the whole day, he is warned this will happen. For hitting the TV he loses tv and for kicking he is told off and distracted

We frequently and consistently praise his good behaviour.

Today we were with a friend and she noticed all the behaviour above but also noticed he looks for a reaction, which of course I am realising I give him.

I am pregnant and he knows this. He does not want to be a brother and apparantly "will dig the baby out and put it in the bin", he has said this several times.

I am honestly unsure how to deal with him. We have told him we love him very much and that the new baby won't change how much we love him. We give him lots of attention.

Should we ignore the bad behaviour within reason..... ie if he hurts another child of course it needs dealing with but if he hits us, kicks things or throws is it best to ignore?

Nursery don't feel it's a big issue but I think his behaviour at home is horrid now and not how we want him to be.

Thoughts or words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

Thank you.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2015, 18:19 PM   2
Larkspur
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I think you're handling things really well. I wouldn't ignore kicking hitting or throwing, but I would just give a really low-key, matter-of-fact response along with a suggestion of a more acceptable behavior.

"Oh dear. You threw your toy. The rule is no throwing, so I'll have to put it away for the rest of the day. If you want to throw something, you can throw your ball in the garden."

"Ow, it hurts when you hit me and I don't like it. I am going to step away now. I'll come back when you can play without hitting."

My son never hits me but he does push his sister sometimes. I find I've had the most success with focusing the attention on the 'wounded' party.

"Oh dear, your brother pushed you and it hurt! Do you need a kiss and a cuddle? There, do you feel better now?" I've found modeling the response has led to my son doing the same thing (and even with kids who have hurt themselves at the playground, which is really sweet).



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2015, 18:33 PM   3
LoraLoo
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I also think you're doing things right. I don't think ignoring is the way to go here either- I would just stick to what you are doing and keep at it- frustrating as it can be!

Your lb phrase about digging the baby out gave me a flashback that Id long forgotten about- this is the EXACT thing my ds said when I was expecting. Right down to putting the baby in the bin!
It could be that he's just not sure what his new place will be within the family- it's a big change at an awkward age imo, but fwiw, my boy loved his sister to bits when she arrived.
Sorry ive not been able to offer much advice but sounds like you are doing everything you can x



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2015, 18:39 PM   4
Natasha2605
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Honestly I think you are handling it great- ride it out and it will pass soon. My daughter was awful just after turning three until about 3yrs 5months. Consistency is key.



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 03:25 AM   5
Dawnlouise30
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Thanks ladies you have made me feel.much better about things x



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 05:59 AM   6
fxmummyduck
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I also agree that it sounds like you're doing great handling things... But I'm just wondering, and hoping you don't mind be putting this out there, but what if you had the same sanction for all behaviours, like a time out or something else if you want, although I quite like time out as it gives some distance away from you and a chance to think and realise they won't get attention from you for misbehaving. Just an idea!!! I realise my lo is younger than yours, but be hates time out because he has to stand in the hallway, away from me. I always make sure he apologises, and I just try to be really straight to the point as to why he was put there.



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 08:26 AM   7
morri
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attention behaviour. I tell her thaat I ont like hitting, and ask her if shes bored etc, and give her positive attention.



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 08:42 AM   8
BunnyN
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Is it possible that he has been under any extra stress recently or that there are kids that are behaving similarly at nursery?



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 11:42 AM   9
Dawnlouise30
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Not a bad idea. I guess that would be more consistent for him. Thanks for the suggestion xxx


Quote:
Originally Posted by fxmummyduck View Post
I also agree that it sounds like you're doing great handling things... But I'm just wondering, and hoping you don't mind be putting this out there, but what if you had the same sanction for all behaviours, like a time out or something else if you want, although I quite like time out as it gives some distance away from you and a chance to think and realise they won't get attention from you for misbehaving. Just an idea!!! I realise my lo is younger than yours, but be hates time out because he has to stand in the hallway, away from me. I always make sure he apologises, and I just try to be really straight to the point as to why he was put there.



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2015, 11:48 AM   10
Dawnlouise30
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There is at least one other child that hits out and throws things at nursery. It seems that he and my son have a love hate relationship, but I know Isaac copies him.
I guess that me being pregnant is stressful for him, he knows things will be changing. I also guess maybe my tolerance levels are a bit lower than normal, so maybe that's very confusing to him too.
I guess I forget he has only just turned three and there is lots on the horizon for him. Also thinking about it my nanna passed away a month ago and Isaac used to visit her twice a week, obviously we can't do that now. Isaac doesn't know she died but does think she has now become a star in the sky. ..... bless him, upon reflection I can see why his behaviour may have changed.
Thanks for helping me to see this xxxxxx



Quote:
Originally Posted by BunnyN View Post
Is it possible that he has been under any extra stress recently or that there are kids that are behaving similarly at nursery?



 
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