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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 14:53 PM   21
catty
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Does he have any friends you have play dates with? My son is younger but he wasnt interested at all until he seen his friend peeing in the toilet. He seemed interested and curious but up until then he just didnt really care.
I do agree with you that forcing him wont work, its not like a dummy that you can just take away.



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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 14:58 PM   22
Willow82
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Do you never get him to do things he doesn't want to? Not trying to be critical just curious!! I have battles daily! Eg brushing teeth, strapping into the car, wearing suitable shoes!!
Is he at nursery? Would the staff there have a word? Or maybe nanny/ grandad/ someone other than you?
We were watching my sons nursery video the other day and he was laughing saying 'that's xxx who poo'd his pants' of course we told him it wasn't kind to laugh and maybe he was poorly that day but kids do notice things and here, it's very unusual to not be potty trained at 4

Eta you know him best, go with what you think just trying to play devils advocate
He has to do lots of things he doesn't want to do, one example actually is brushing his teeth! We've always had to battle him regarding that until relatively recently. The difference is that I was physically able to brush his teeth when he was too young to reason with. When he's got older, I have done the count to 3 rule with a consequence if he doesn't let me brush his teeth such as no bedtime stories etc. This usually does work but not with potty training. He doesn't want to do it regardless of the consequences and I can't physically make him wee and poo on the potty.

Nursery tried really hard with him as well including taking him to the toilet with his toilet trained best friend so he could watch. I just hope that as he gets older and he sees all his friends in pants and babies in nappies, that he becomes self conscious of still being in nappies and that he wants to make the transition.

It's interesting that we've seen some regression with him over the last two days -going "ga ga", crawling around the house. I think his relationship with his little sister complicates everything as he is very jealous of her.



 
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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 15:02 PM   23
wtbmummy
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I think it is a battle of wills like pp have said tbh. At 4 I dont really know why he would want nappies. Have you tried telling him all his friends use the potty? Just for encouragement, is there a friend he really looks up too?
When potty training ds we tried charts, chocolate buttons, getting himself to clean it.
But do you know what worked...... high five!!!! Yes a simple high five every time he used the potty or toilet! He was potty trained daytime 2weeks before his 2nd birthday and at night by 2.5.

I also honestly believe the longer you leave it the harder it becomes like a crutch ya know.

Good luck, and i dont know just try high fives and lots of praise. Worked better than any bribe



 
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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 15:03 PM   24
Willow82
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Originally Posted by catty View Post
Does he have any friends you have play dates with? My son is younger but he wasnt interested at all until he seen his friend peeing in the toilet. He seemed interested and curious but up until then he just didnt really care.
I do agree with you that forcing him wont work, its not like a dummy that you can just take away.
Yep, he goes to the toilet with them but it hasn't translated into any desire to use the toilet! I have a stubborn one on my hands! Saying that, last time his friend was here, he asked to watch him wee on the toilet and told him that he wees on the potty. It might be that he is going to do it in his own good time.

I'm going to ask nursery to take him to watch his friends use the toilet (if he and his friends are ok with it) to try and normalise using the toilet as much as possible.



 
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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 16:26 PM   25
catty
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The thing is aswell hes not actually 4 yet going by your ticker, he could honestly just wake up and decide im going to do it today im a big boy now iv had my birthday

My niece still has to wear a pull up at bedtime and she is 5.5! She has been trained during the day for years but no matter what they try she had never been dry at night



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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 21:47 PM   26
Wilsey
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First off, don't feel any pressure because he 'should' be doing such and such and 'blah blah's kid has been toilet trained since 2'. My son was quite late to potty train and I know I felt the social pressure. Like it was some reflection on me, some failure on my part. But it's not.

Your son is his own person. You wouldn't force a friend scared of heights to get in a hot air balloon just because they can. Trust that this is his journey, not yours. I know how much you would want him out of nappies (mine only started doing all his poos on the toilet in the last two months - wees had been fine for six months before that. God I was sick of changing poopy nappies for him. I was over it.). But I agree with a pp poster. This is going to end up as a battle of wills. And he's already worked out that this is a sticking point for you, it bothers you that he isn't using the potty. Now he's got something to test you with. Let it roll off your back. Every now and then, when it's time for a nappy change, casually offer 'do you want to use the toilet?' 'no' 'ok, let's get into a fresh nappy'.

He has a younger sibling. He'll definitely be jealous of the time she's getting (they're needier, they naturally need more attention). He'll want to still be your little baby too. Have some time to connect with you (aka a nappy change). So the nappies are a way to achieve some alone time with mum. It's also why he's starting the baby talk.

You can basically either persevere with underwear and just really not let it bother you when he has accidents, or if he doesn't even attempt the toilet or you can put him back in nappies (which you have) and just leave it and let it be his decision. It's his body and when he's ready it'll click and you'll probably have like one accident because he's older and he wants to do it.

I know this is hard so best of luck and keep us posted x



 
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Old Aug 15th, 2016, 23:04 PM   27
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It definitely sounds like a control issue. I think the more you try to force him, the more reluctant he will be. Try to make it his decision. Leave him in nappies for now but when you praise him for anything unrelated say "wow you are such a clever big boy" (build up the concept that being a big boy is good). It sounds like the sibling rivalry has given him some belief that being a baby is good, so counter this.

I'd do that until his birthday, never asking him to use a potty or toilet. Let him hear you tell your husband about how your friend's little boy had just decided he didn't want nappies any more and had been dry all day, tell your husband how proud his mummy was and say you think he was such a big boy. Sow some seeds.

Have you tried letting him pick some big boy pants? Try giving him as much control as you can. Offer the same style pants as daddy wears i.e. fitted boxers or loose boxers. My pair are both daddy's boys so this helped for us. Character pants too.

Also, neither of my boys liked the potty and went straight to the toilet. We bought a step and bought an integrated child seat. Again, give him the choice. I used to do a bit of reverse psychology "I've bought this step for when you're older but you won't be able to use it yet because only really big boys can use it" (usually greeted with "yes I can!", then I'd say "no way!!" and look all incredulous... not sure if your son falls for this sort of thing?!).

After a week or so, start adding in the "you're going to be 4 soon, wow such a big boy" etc. I'd really try to get a link in there that when he turns 4 he will be a big boy. After his actual birthday and any party (I wouldn't want to be potty training on either of those occasions) remind him that he's a big boy now... I'd maybe say now you're a big boy you're ready to do big boy wees, it'll be easy for you because you're so big and clever now, would you like to try the potty or the toilet? I'd try this about 20 mins after he's had a drink. Give him the choice. If no joy, drop it again for a week but carry on associating toilet / potty with big boy, and big boy with being good - and build him up, keep telling him he's a clever big boy.

I do think eventually he will just decide he wants to do it. It's a massive developmental step for them, and your son may well be scared. I think you're right not to want this to be something you force him to do.

Sorry this was so long, and I know you may well have already tried this sort of approach!



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2016, 02:56 AM   28
Willow82
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Originally Posted by Wilsey View Post
First off, don't feel any pressure because he 'should' be doing such and such and 'blah blah's kid has been toilet trained since 2'. My son was quite late to potty train and I know I felt the social pressure. Like it was some reflection on me, some failure on my part. But it's not.

Your son is his own person. You wouldn't force a friend scared of heights to get in a hot air balloon just because they can. Trust that this is his journey, not yours. I know how much you would want him out of nappies (mine only started doing all his poos on the toilet in the last two months - wees had been fine for six months before that. God I was sick of changing poopy nappies for him. I was over it.). But I agree with a pp poster. This is going to end up as a battle of wills. And he's already worked out that this is a sticking point for you, it bothers you that he isn't using the potty. Now he's got something to test you with. Let it roll off your back. Every now and then, when it's time for a nappy change, casually offer 'do you want to use the toilet?' 'no' 'ok, let's get into a fresh nappy'.

He has a younger sibling. He'll definitely be jealous of the time she's getting (they're needier, they naturally need more attention). He'll want to still be your little baby too. Have some time to connect with you (aka a nappy change). So the nappies are a way to achieve some alone time with mum. It's also why he's starting the baby talk.

You can basically either persevere with underwear and just really not let it bother you when he has accidents, or if he doesn't even attempt the toilet or you can put him back in nappies (which you have) and just leave it and let it be his decision. It's his body and when he's ready it'll click and you'll probably have like one accident because he's older and he wants to do it.

I know this is hard so best of luck and keep us posted x
Thank you. Yes, I've had to accept that this is his journey and not mine. I feel so self conscious changing his nappy out and about but that is my issue, not his. I'm hoping that it will be similar to when he learned to walk. It took him so long but when he did it, he did it perfectly. I think he likes knowing that he can do something before he attempts it. He's a cautious soul.



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2016, 03:01 AM   29
Willow82
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Originally Posted by EverythingXd View Post
It definitely sounds like a control issue. I think the more you try to force him, the more reluctant he will be. Try to make it his decision. Leave him in nappies for now but when you praise him for anything unrelated say "wow you are such a clever big boy" (build up the concept that being a big boy is good). It sounds like the sibling rivalry has given him some belief that being a baby is good, so counter this.

I'd do that until his birthday, never asking him to use a potty or toilet. Let him hear you tell your husband about how your friend's little boy had just decided he didn't want nappies any more and had been dry all day, tell your husband how proud his mummy was and say you think he was such a big boy. Sow some seeds.

Have you tried letting him pick some big boy pants? Try giving him as much control as you can. Offer the same style pants as daddy wears i.e. fitted boxers or loose boxers. My pair are both daddy's boys so this helped for us. Character pants too.

Also, neither of my boys liked the potty and went straight to the toilet. We bought a step and bought an integrated child seat. Again, give him the choice. I used to do a bit of reverse psychology "I've bought this step for when you're older but you won't be able to use it yet because only really big boys can use it" (usually greeted with "yes I can!", then I'd say "no way!!" and look all incredulous... not sure if your son falls for this sort of thing?!).

After a week or so, start adding in the "you're going to be 4 soon, wow such a big boy" etc. I'd really try to get a link in there that when he turns 4 he will be a big boy. After his actual birthday and any party (I wouldn't want to be potty training on either of those occasions) remind him that he's a big boy now... I'd maybe say now you're a big boy you're ready to do big boy wees, it'll be easy for you because you're so big and clever now, would you like to try the potty or the toilet? I'd try this about 20 mins after he's had a drink. Give him the choice. If no joy, drop it again for a week but carry on associating toilet / potty with big boy, and big boy with being good - and build him up, keep telling him he's a clever big boy.

I do think eventually he will just decide he wants to do it. It's a massive developmental step for them, and your son may well be scared. I think you're right not to want this to be something you force him to do.

Sorry this was so long, and I know you may well have already tried this sort of approach!
Thank you. This is brilliant advice and an approach I will try. I do tell him he's a big boy and big boys use the potty but I've probably been guilty of not consistently making a big boy something he wants to be, something which is positive.



 
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Old Aug 16th, 2016, 04:05 AM   30
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I'm in a similar boat with mine. He does have some gross motor skill delays and sensory issues but he is 4 and a half and still won't/can't do it. If I leave him with no nappy he will just wet and poo himself unless I can grab him and stick him on. He seems keen to use it sometimes but gets disheartened after a few accidents and he has started to become scared of having accidents.

He will be starting school in pull ups and he is not the first child they've had to do so. We have also spoken to the local incontinance clinic and they have said that it isn't that unusual for a child to not be potty trained at his age and they work with schools. All medical professionals we have spoken to haven't been concerned at all.

We encourage him to sit on the toilet in the morning and evening as part of his routine and we have worked on everything we can with him, pulling clothes up and down, wiping, washing hands, he also changes his own wet nappies. The last bit of learning when he needs to go and how to go when he's sat on the loo is the bit that had to come from him and we just give him as much opportunity as possible.



 
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