Forum Rules

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Mar 10th, 2017, 12:04 PM   1
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,132

how can i possibly end co sleeping with my 5 year old?


i have a 5 year old whom ive coslept with since birth (in his own bed in his own room (its a double bed))

i honestly cannot see the day when this will ever stop and i want to be done with it. every night when i mention it's bedtime he has a complete meltdown saying he doesn't want to go to bed, and then when i finally manage to force him to bed, he will fall asleep fast with me and then i fall asleep lol but there is no way that i could just be like okay goodnight see you in the morning and leave.

he is afraid of being alone in the dark and the daytime, says hes scared a monster will pop out or some toy will come to life so im kind of stuck here.

Status: Offline
Old Mar 10th, 2017, 13:09 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
BnB Spammer Elite
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 33,787
I've been co-sleeping with my son for 5.5 years. We went through a few days of him being in his own bed but he has a medical condition and I'm happy for him to stay in our bed. I guess you just have to be firm, leave a small light on for him if needs be. I had to sit with my son until he fell asleep (although he's never been able to self settle). I think you just have to persevere. I co slept with my mother until I was well over 7. I'm more than happy to sleep by myself now and I need absolute darkness to sleep.

Status: Offline
Old Mar 10th, 2017, 13:12 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
BnB God
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: UK ☔
Posts: 111,004
I still co sleep with my 5 year old. There is no way that I could just put her to bed and leave her until the morning, she's so scared of being on her own. Luckily she doesn't protest about bedtime though. I can imagine that must make it a lot more difficult for you to have to deal with the meltdowns every night too

Status: Offline
Old Mar 10th, 2017, 13:13 PM   4
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 429
Find a sleep training consultant in your area if its rough. All you can really do is be firm and consistent and he will get used to the change in time. Mine was 2 when we made the was really hard for about a week

Status: Offline
Old Mar 10th, 2017, 21:44 PM   5
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 7,861
Not sure. I encouraged Violet to switch to her own room. Our routine now, though, is that I sit with her until she falls asleep in her bed and then in the middle of the night, she comes into our bed or the twin bed right next to ours. I guess I figure that one of these nights she'll just sleep right through. Not sure when that will happen! Probably when Leo is old enough to choose to share a room with her! For a while I was leaving her before she fell asleep, so I know she CAN do it, but it's nice for her to have me there and it's not a big deal for me.

I guess my first step in your situation would be to make sure you don't fall asleep and pre-warn your child that you won't be staying all night.

Status: Offline
Old Mar 11th, 2017, 01:54 AM   6
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dorset, UK
Posts: 9,576
Is there something you can do to get him more comfortable in his room and excited to sleep in there on his own? I'm wondering if perhaps a new bed would do it. A double bed seems big for a 5 year old on his own. What about getting him a special bed that will be just for him and making his room a bit more special and comfortable feeling, with nightlight, etc. so he's happier to sleep in there on his own?

We bedshared with our daughter until she was 3.5 and then she just decided she wanted to "sleep all night in her own bed." We had talked about it for a few months before, got her a gro clock so she would know when it was morning (it also gives off a comforting glow during the night), and just made a big deal about what it would be like when she slept in her bed all night. She'd always gone to sleep in her own room from about 8 months (she started crawling and falling off the bed at that point), but then we just went to get her when she first woke up after we went to bed or when she was in a toddler bed, she just came in when she wanted to on her own. I think it was more about selling the idea to her and that really made her want to do it. There were a few rough nights (during the night) when she wanted to come in and sleep with us, but once we made the decision together, we stuck with it and just helped her fall back asleep in her own room. She started to sleep through (which she'd never done before) on her own in about a week or so. I think the key really is just getting them excited and also being consistent. If you decide it's what you're going to do, then stick with it, even if it's hard. At this age, they really are okay sleep on their own and also are better able to understand what you're asking them to do. It's okay if they're upset as long as you are responsive and compassionate about it. But if it's what you want to do and you aren't happy bedsharing anymore, I think come up with a plan and do it and stick with it, no matter how rough it is. They adjust much faster that we think and you'll probably find that once you get through the worst of it, that's easier than you thought it would be.

Status: Offline
Old Mar 11th, 2017, 05:39 AM   7
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,891
I agree about making it exciting to sleep on their own. My daughter was a lot younger (15 months) but wouldn't go to sleep in her own room at all.

She has never self settled in bed (sometimes she falls asleep on the floor or the sofa by herself) but she wouldn't go to sleep in a cot, and if she woke up it was world war 3, so we stabrted cosleeping. We both work full time so cosleeping wasn't going well.

We took the sides off her cot, bought a bed rail (she picked the colour) and we let her choose bedding and a night light. Even at 15m she understood that she was getting something nice and special. Now, we take her through when she is tired, read her some books of her choice, then one of us sits on the chair beside her until she sleeps. Then we put her nightlight on and leave her.

It's great, everyone gets a better sleep! If she does have a nightmare or gets scared, she gets out her bed herself and we just give Hera hug, put her back in bed and sit beside her until she sleeps again. Sometimes this happens a few times a night, but the longer we have been doing it for the better she is. Now, she is maybe only up one night every few weeks.

She loves her bed and shows everyone it when we have guests. She even climbs in and lies under the covers and pretends to sleep. It's a huge turnaround from a few months ago when she was terrified of her cot and bedroom.

Status: Offline
Old Mar 11th, 2017, 05:59 AM   8
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Lanarkshire
Posts: 1,138
As suggested make it exciting for them. My nearly 4 year old had a habit of coming through to us during the night and not staying in his own bed. I didn't mind till I fell pregnant but I don't want his sleep disturbed by the new baby plus I'm so uncomfortable at night!

Ollie also says that he's scared of the dark. I make a big show of checking to make sure that there are no monsters and bought him a spiderman teddy that keeps him safe. He has a night light that projects stars and the moon on to his ceiling and I leave the bathroom light on as the dark hall makes him scared. We also explained to him that he's and big boy now and that he needs to leave space in our room for his baby sister which seemed to help. He had a small car shaped toddler bed and he picked out his own bed sheets.

The biggest thing for us was being firm and offering an incentive. He got a wee toy after 3 and 5 nights which we marked using stickers. He then picked a big special toy for 7 nights. By that point he'd broken the habit and he is now staying in his own bed all night.

It's tough at first but you need to be firm. Ollie took huge melt downs the first few times but we stayed consistent and kept putting him back through as otherwise he thought he could scream and get his own way. It was hard but once he broke the habit he was fine.

Good luck!

Status: Offline
Old Mar 11th, 2017, 06:40 AM   9
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Southern US
Posts: 4,179
I'm in the same situation with my nearly 4 year old. There was another thread about this and I tried some advice there but didn't work. I think you just have to prepare for a week or so of really bad bedtimes and just be consistent. That's my problem. I took her out and let her choose a special sleeping bag and pillow and tried to get her to sleep next to my bed and she fell asleep just fine but then work up around midnight yelling for me to get her and I did. I'm so tired it's just easier in the moment, but not doing either of us any good. My cousin is still cosleeping and her daughter is 11. I have anther cousin whose daughter slept with them until she was 15 and then slept on a floor pallet at the end of their bed until she moved out! So I have no confidence that she'll just do it on her own when she's ready and I don't want her in bed with me when she's off to middle school! I also tried the new bedding and such, but that didn't make a difference with my dd. So I think, at least for us, it's going to be putting her in bed and dealing with the meltdowns when they come and not giving in. And when she comes to my bed in the middle of the night, instead of lifting her in, take her back to her bed and deal with the meltdown again. I'm holding off til summer when she's out of preschool. Good luck

Status: Offline
Old Mar 11th, 2017, 06:56 AM   10
AutoSignup (SAAB)
BnB Elite
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,868
I'm in the same situation, too. We sleep in different beds though. My son does not want to move out! I love sleeping in the same room with him, but at this point, I want my husband back!

Status: Offline


end , possibly , sleeping , year

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search