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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 13:51 PM   1
kirstybumx3
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I've walked out. I can't cope!


I can not cope with my just turned 4 year old any more. He is truly out of control and I don't know what to do. It's got so bad I have just walked out of a club we were at where he was playing on the park, and told OH I can't do it anymore and am currently sat in a nearby McDonald's with a mocha and make up all down my face! This comes after MIL had to drag Rio off the park because he thought it was acceptable to keep jumping and hanging onto two bigger boys by their throats and then threw a shoe at one of them!!!! Cue MIL calling him an embarrassment and telling him she doesn't want to take him out anymore (probably the most horrible thing to call a child but that was the final straw for me and I just had to walk away)
It was either stand there and defend my terribly naughty child or just go, because why should I defend him. It's a horrible thing and something I'd never say to a child but she's right. I'm done with being embarrassed and ashamed of his behaviour every single day!!! I can't cope with my beautiful boy for a second longer and I don't know what to do.

I'm probably rambling I'm really sorry, I'm just writing as it comes.

Rio has always been difficult, on the go constantly, never sat still, not taken discipline very well but he's never ever pushed my buttons like he does lately.
Anything we tell him to do he does the opposite, anything we tell him not to do, even if it's dangerous he will do it.
No time out, naughty step, bedroom time, speaking through his feelings, removing him from a situation to calm down, nothing works.
He will declare he is sorry (usually with a smirk) then go straight back to doing things he knows he shouldn't within seconds. He can't take no for an answer if we tell him he can't have/do something. He runs off in public all of the time and if we try to hold his hand/arm he flops and pulls and screams like we are really hurting him and causes a scene, if we don't do that he's literally dashing off without a care for any danger.
He is even rude to strangers and also has started hitting out at us. I could go on and on, it sounds terrible and it's probably worse than I could even put into words. I'm missing the half of it!

I just don't know where I've gone wrong we give him all of the attention we can, he doesn't go without, if anything he gets too much. I let him know constantly how much he is loved and adored. But nothing is good enough and somewhere along the line I have reared a little boy who nobody likes to be around and is really really difficult to live with. It breaks my heart writing that because I love him so dearly, but I just can not cope with him anymore.
What on earth can I do!?!?



 
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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 14:15 PM   2
maryanne1987
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Has he ever been assessed for any learning difficulties? My oldest son is autistic, always been a very calm and relaxed child, never naughty, just needed extra care. So when my middle daughter started showing severe behavioural difficulties around 18 months I didn't know what to do or why it was happening. One day I broke down in tears to the health visitor explaining that she was uncontrollable. She was referred straight away to the paediatric team. I protested at the suspected autism diagnosis as my son was the polar opposite, so how could they have the same thing? But I've learnt there's such a wide range of behavioural issues within children on the spectrum. We are on track now for an ASD diagnosis. Now I now what's causing her behaviour im finding it so much easier to deal with. I'm not saying that's the case for your boy but it's worth looking into. Even if there are no difficulties the health visitors can provide lots of support. Hope you feel better soon.



 
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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 14:34 PM   3
Sarahcake
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I could have written most of this myself.

My son is 4, 5 in November and he is an absolute little shite at times.

I was at the point of I can't do this anymore, he was punching me, kicking me, spitting and biting me and other children, tantrums like you wouldn't believe and would not accept discipline. I was at my absolute wits end and ended up calling the health visiting team to come and meet him and offer some support.

They put him through the assessments for Autism and ADHD and whilst he doesn't have either of these, he does score a bit higher for bad behaviour than most.

She comes around once a week and has done for the last 2 months and let me tell you, what a difference.

I was given new coping mechanisms and offered different points of view and strategies to deal with his difficult behaviour and honestly, he's completely changed in that time.

Absolutely call for some help, I'm so glad I did, ask if your health visiting team can come and do an ages and stages questionnaire with him and tell them about your concerns with his behaviour. I promise they are there to help and will do so if they can. If they can't, they can refer to others who may be able to.

That call has saved us so much stress in this house and my son is so much happier now too as a result.

I hope you manage to get the help you deserve lovely x



 
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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 14:40 PM   4
.Mrs.B.
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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 15:20 PM   5
pa2k84
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Old Jul 13th, 2017, 19:40 PM   6
Zephram
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Sending hugs. I definitely think you should speak to someone about his behaviour, whether it's getting new coping techniques or finding out whether he does have any behavioural issues, I think that would help.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2017, 04:01 AM   7
kirstybumx3
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I feel like such a terrible mother this morning for posting this. Reading it back has upset me all over again for different reasons. How can I say such nasty things about my precious boy. He can be an amazing kid too, well mannered and well behaved, it's not all of the time he acts like a monster (although lately it is most of the time).
I felt a bit better after a walk on my own and 20 mins looking to everyone else like my world was falling apart with my coffee alone in McDonald's. I went back and apologised for storming off but was greeted with empathy from the rest of the family there. They get it.
When I got back he was playing nicely with his cousin, no drama. But the other children on the park had gone, sometimes I feel part of what he does is to 'show off' or get a reaction when he's trying to get involved in games he goes about it in the complete wrong way and then people don't want to play with him, I feel bad for him.

I've wondered for a while if he has behavioural problems that are beyond the norm but I'm worried I'll go to a HV or wherever and they'll just tell me I'm doing a shitty job as a mum. Nursery say he is mainly fine there but there's no real discipline there either, so I'm hoping if there's something that his actual school may pick up on it come September when he starts. I may mention it to them when he does begin, about the issues at home and ask them if they could monitor the way he is there a bit closer.
He has some big changes ahead, new baby brother very soon, brand new school, his world will be turned upside down and his behaviour is already difficult. I just hope it all doesn't affect him too much more, it's such a lot for such a small child.



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2017, 04:27 AM   8
Sarahcake
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Please don't feel bad about what you have written. You are human too and every single one of us has a what I like to call, 'fuck it all' moment. Loving our children doesnt mean that your going to like them 100% of the time, sometimes it's going to get too much and moments like yesterday will happen.

I was so worried about the health visitor thinking I was a shit mum but genuinely, I was never made to feel that way once by my HV she's done nothing but support me and in all honesty, I feel like a better mum for recognising when I need a bit of help and seeking that help. I really feel it would benefit you to talk to them at least



 
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Old Jul 14th, 2017, 06:47 AM   9
lau86
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they all push our buttons sometimes but this sounds a bit more extreme than that? Or do you think it's worse because you're pregnant (hope you don't take that the wrong way but I was so emotional and tired towards the end of pregnancy). Do you think he has a problem? Your sig says he was prem, do you think it could be linked to this? No one should make you feel bad for asking for help



 
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Old Jul 15th, 2017, 05:37 AM   10
Tanikins
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I could have written this myself aswell. My lb started just being a shit around 4.5. somedays I didn't want to be his mum. I was finding excuses to work so I'd didn't have to spend time with him. He was difficult rude and just plain naughty. Like you said he'd say sorry then within 5 minutes would be doing the sake thing again. It was really rough.

I think it lasted maybe 9 months and then we realised that we were actually having more good days than bad. The behaviour is still there but he able to control himself better


Starting school an having his brain busy has really helped. O really needs to be doing something at all times or he's just the biggest pain ever.

His school have picked up on this and say it's because he's intelligent. He needs more mental stimulation than his peers and so has extra home work a 'busy book' at school etc just to keep him ticking over.

Maybe your boy needs school??



 
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