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Old Aug 17th, 2017, 13:46 PM   1
Butterfly67
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3 1/2 Year Old Refuses to Potty Train


My son is nearly 3 and a half and he refuses to sit on the toilet or potty. He has a meltdown if I put him on either and just cries until he can get off (which he tries to do as soon as possible).
He hasn't actually shown any signs of being ready to be potty trained (he doesn't really speak so that doesn't help) but he won't even admit to having done a poo in his nappy and doesn't notice if he has a wee with no nappy on.
Should I wait even longer as it seems like he still isn't ready or should I just try and force him into it?



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2017, 14:44 PM   2
pa2k84
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Hard one, I would have to say that by 3 and half (unless anything actually medically wrong) children are more than capable of using the toilet/potty. I know the guidance now is to wait but finding in preschool where I work as years have gone by children training later and later with far more issues (been in childcare for around 16/17 years) the 'normal' age of development is between 2 and 2.5. I know all children are different, I am just giving my opinion. They become so used to using nappies it's a big change for them and they become too comfortable.
I would say just go for it, once nappies have run out just say they have gone and move to pants. Yes you will have accidents but run with it.



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2017, 15:23 PM   3
Butterfly67
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Thanks pa, good to get others opinion. I think I will do as you recommend and just try and go for it and see what happens. He has had delays in everything so far (didn't walk until he was 21 months, still no talking) so I was kind of expecting a bit of a delay in this but he understands plenty of stuff so he will just have to understand this!!



 
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Old Aug 17th, 2017, 16:29 PM   4
HoneyBee144
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My 4 year old still has accidents. He will use the toilet if we ask but a lot of the times he will argue he doesnt need a wee and then have an accident. He never takes himself for a wee. He is spot on with his poo's though and never has an accident with them and knows exactly when he needs to go.

We have tried all sorts and spoken to the health visitor, his key worker, the nurse at our own doctors. Everyone has just said that he just may not have quite developed the feeling or the muscle may not have developed properly yet. I'm not sure on the correct terminology!

I'm hoping it comes with age for Freddie, some times it feels never ending but I think they do all just develop at different rates. The only thing we have stuck to is we have kept him in pants and not reverted back to nappies, took a while to get to that stage though, we only started him in pants last August when he was 3 and stopped crying at the mention of the potty/toilet! I'd try and keep talking about it and trying pants but I wouldn't force It, if he's not ready then it won't work regardless of what you do. Just keep encouraging him.



 
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Old Aug 18th, 2017, 04:18 AM   5
Butterfly67
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Thanks honeybee, yes I wonder if there is an issue relating to his delay in gross motor skills that is stopping him realising what he needs to do and how to do it!



 
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Old Aug 19th, 2017, 14:23 PM   6
Button#
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My DS has gross motor development delays and sensory processing disorder which have delayed toileting for him. It's a tricky one because it's not something you can really force. My DS is starting to get it now at 5 and a half. He can hold it and we have to tell him to go because he doesn't initiate but he's getting there. In the last few months he's come really far. At home he's only had 2 or 3 accidents this summer holidays, we still use a pull up if we're out all day because he's so petrified of hand driers he can't relax enough to go on public toilets. I found ERIC very helpful.



 
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Old Aug 20th, 2017, 13:51 PM   7
Willow82
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DS has no developmental delays but was toilet trained at 4 and a half! I wanted to wait until he was ready but by the time he was 3 and a half, we gave it a whirl despite him
showing no signs of readiness. It was such a disaster, 8 days of constant accidents culminating in him telling me he didn't want to potty train.

When he was 4 and a half, he started showing signs of readiness so he chose some pants and went for it and never looked back. He was trained within a week and rarely has accidents. It clicked for him straight away, even at night he would wake up ang go to the toilet rather than wee in his bed.

I think that waiting until they're ready is definitely the best approach as it is so much easier. We were lucky though as he doesn't start school until he's 5. I don't know what we would have done if he had started school a year earlier.



 
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Old Aug 20th, 2017, 18:02 PM   8
second.time
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My older son didn't potty train until he was nearly four years old. I think he was three months away from his fourth birthday and we were trying to figure out other options because his daycare wouldn't take a 4-year-old still in pull-ups. I tried everything, every single tip. We had sticker charts, reward systems, cool new underwear ... we had him sit on the potty with his diaper on ... we tried to talk to him about it, make it positive instead of negative. He was always pretty good at peeing in the potty, but when it came to poo, he was terrified.

I'd try leaving his pullup off and it was awful. He'd clearly need to poo incredibly badly and be crying and in pain, but he'd still freak out around the potty. I'd eventually start to feel like I was abusing him, I just couldn't take seeing him in so much discomfort, so I'd put his pullup back on.

It was REALLY frustrating and upsetting. I felt like such a failure and I was so worried that he'd never learn.

One weekend I had his pullup off, as usual, and he was telling me he needed to poo, and (this sounds terrible) I just sort of gently put him on the potty and held him there by the shoulders. I wasn't rough, of course, and he COULD have gotten up, but I timed it so that he ended up pooing into the potty. I was so relieved and excited that I actually started crying (I know, I know). And he seemed really surprised that he'd done it.

I swear it was like a switch had gone off. He started pooing in the potty every time. The first few times he was nervous, but then it just became second nature. And he's had zero accidents. It's been almost exactly a year now and he's been perfect, it's like he just suddenly caught up and made up for lost time. No relapses or anything. I never thought it would happen. He moved away from the potty chair and uses the toilet now without issue.

I'm not suggesting holding him there because I'd even read that it's not a good idea. It DID work for us, but I think it worked because it got my DS over this fear he'd developed and showed him it wasn't a big deal.



 
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Old Aug 21st, 2017, 11:53 AM   9
mccluskeyj17
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If there aren't any developmental delays, then I would continue on. My oldest son (later diagnosed with Autism) trained at 3-3 1/2. I made him stand up when he had to pee and when at home he would go without underwear to force him to have to go to the bathroom. My daughters were easier to train. My next son was difficult to train because he finally started peeing in the toilet but wouldn't poop. As he gets older it will be difficult to get him in school and he not be trained.

Have you put him in underwear? There are videos on youtube that maybe able to help you to get him trained.



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Old Sep 1st, 2017, 08:11 AM   10
CaliDreaming
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Make sure there aren't developmental delays, but I would recommend that you don't force it. That is just going to make it worse. Pottying is one of the few areas where kids feel like they are in control. He is probably physically ready to potty, but for whatever reason he just doesn't want to do it. If you try to force it before he is ready, you are just going to get in a battle of wills with him and just make this process stretch out longer than it has to.

If you leave him alone, what will eventually happen is that he will see his friends using the potty and he will want to do it too. On his own. Without your involvement.

My daughter was pretty stubborn about pottying too. She learned how to do it very quickly at 2. However, she soon became bored with it. After about of week of wearing underwear, she started having multiple accidents a day at school. She was not alone in that either among her peers. We were fortunate that we had her in a preschool that acknowledges that this behavior is d"evelopmentally appropriate."

But then the day she started pre-k, she had an accident and was embarrassed because she wanted to be a big girl like all her friends. Since that day, she never had an accident at school again.

My son, by contrast, is three and almost never has daytime pee accidents. Kids are individuals, so you have to respect individual differences.



 
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