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Old Oct 17th, 2017, 15:02 PM   1
Starlight32
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What's it like to have a baby with a toddler?


We are thinking about trying for a second. My daughter is 17 months. She just started sleeping on her own for bedtime/naps (I was rocking her to sleep before) and I'm opening up to the idea of a second child.

I'm nervous about being pregnant with a toddler. She's on the bigger side for her age (almost 30lb). Will I be able to hold/lift her while heavily pregnant? (I had a section with her).

And how do naps and bedtime work with two?!

Sorry if this sounds really silly.



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Old Oct 18th, 2017, 04:23 AM   2
petite ping
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I won't lie to you and say it's easy. It will be exhausting and the first few months will be difficult unless you have some help.

For naptimes it was pretty easy for me as DD1 was in her own room then and DD2 napped in the living room at first and then in my room later on.

Mealtimes were difficult as DD1 was not willing to eat on her own and I was BFF DD2. In the end I stopped BFF because it was just too complicated to manage and it wasn't really fair on DD2 to have her mealtimes disrupted.

I think that towards the end of your pregnancy, you would need to teach your DD a little distance. This needn't be traumatic for her. Just let Daddy or Grandparents take more and more care of her ...going to the park / the shops without Mommy, let Daddy give her the bath and put her down for her nap etc...

I still hold my DD2 if I am sitting down and give her cuddles in bed or on the sofa but I won't pick her up or hold her when I'm standing up. DD2 is disappointed but she does understand.

Your DD will probably be a bit clingy once the baby arrives and maybe regress in behaviour for a few weeks. I accepted it for the first few weeks - DD1 wanted to be treated like the baby and gradually stopped by herself after a while. I found that I had less time to spend on DD2 and it was impossible to do the same things that we did when there was only DD1.

I would also buy a few children's books on pregnancy - it does help to prepare them and help them to understand why you can't pick her up and what will happen the day the baby arrives (that Mommy will go to the hospital, that whoever will come and take care of them and that they can visit etc...).

DD1 pretty much ignored DD2 or viewed her like a pet until DD2 was around 2 and could start interacting with her. Now they are really really close.

FYI DD1 and DD2 have 19 months difference.



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Old Oct 18th, 2017, 15:35 PM   3
jessmke
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My kids are also 19 months apart. The first few months it was really hard work, especially because my DS did not like to be put down for even a second so he lived most of his life in the wrap or ergo carrier. He's not even four months old yet and already things are much easier. Ever since he could focus on toys and reach for them he is much more content to be put down, and he loves to watch his sister playing. He is also a lot sturdier so he doesn't cry or get hurt if his sister accidentally sits on his arm or kicks him in the head. DD dotes on him and is always wanting to hold him, brings him toys, kisses and hugs him when he cries, etc. She hasn't had any jealousy issues or behaviour regressions, doesn't want to be treated like a baby, etc. She has adjusted very well to having a baby in the house.

I had no problems lifting/carrying my DD at any point in my pregnancy, although she is on the small side and not quite 20 lbs yet at 22 months old. Sometimes now she wants to be picked up and I'll tell her I can't right now because I'm holding the baby and she understands for the most part. She is pretty light though so if she is hurt or upset I can pick her up and hold them one in each arm.

Naps can be a bit tricky. When I need to put the baby down for a nap it's the only time I let my DD watch TV. I usually put on Paw Patrol for her and put her in the playroom while I go down the hall to put the baby down for a nap. Sometimes if baby is super fussy and taking more than 5 min to go down then I put him in the Ergo carrier and walk him around the house to get him to fall asleep so I can keep an eye on my DD. If she was older then I wouldn't mind leaving her unsupervised for longer, but she is still pretty young so I need to keep an eye on her. My DD is easy to put down for her nap, I just change her diaper, put her in her sleep sac and dump her in the crib so it only takes a minute or two. I just put baby down in his crib with the mobile playing while I put DD down. Sometimes he screams the whole time but he survives.

Bed time my OH and I typically do together since the baby has come along. I am in charge of baby and he is in charge of toddler. They get their bath and into the pj's, then we read them stories. If the baby is getting fussy then I go into our room and feed him and put him down to bed while OH continues to read to DD. If I am putting them to bed on my own then sometimes story time gets cut short if the baby is fussy or overtired. Again DD is easy to put down, just dump her in the crib and she will go to sleep. She does very occasionally cry and throw a fit in the crib if story time is cut really short, but that's just the way it goes. She usually only cries for a few minutes and then settles down and goes to sleep. I try to time baby's last nap of the day so he isn't too tired during stories, but sometimes (often) things like that just don't go according to plan so DD just has to learn to adapt to having her brother in her world. The baby can take quite a long time to settle at bed time so I can't put him down first and then do bedtime with my DD, so we just do the best we can.

They will eventually be sharing a room, but right now baby is in our room and DD is in her own room. We will keep them separated until baby is sleeping through the night at which point they will go into the same room.



 
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Old Oct 18th, 2017, 20:16 PM   4
MrsB_2015
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Jessmke, that was super helpful. I am having our second and they will be 19 months apart too. Thank you for such great advice!



 
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Old Oct 20th, 2017, 16:51 PM   5
Teri7489
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My 2 are 22 months apart, and actually it wasn't bad. I was home the day after my son was born (by section) and was able to bath my daughter and put her to bed. It took a little while to get a routine of breastfeeding and sleep but it all fell in to place as I didn't expect much soon.

I pre-made meals and had them in the freezer so it was easy to have a healthy meals for at least hubby and my daughter. I also had quiet and ordinary toy boxes for my daughter to play with dependant on the time of day. I then tried to ensure we have one to one time a few times a day while my son napped. Including her in his changing and sorting his things made her feel included, which also gave us extra bonding time too.

Night time sleep obviously was the last to click but it soon sorted itself. We kept my daughters bed time the same, and I took her to bed leaving my son in the living room (crying or not) hubby was often working so I had to do it myself. I settled my daughter then settled my son and after a few weeks he was going to sleep the same time after a feed while she was having a story. Soon followed him sleeping through till 6 for a quick feed then back down for another while.



 
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Old Oct 21st, 2017, 12:56 PM   6
Starlight32
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Thanks all!

So how was being pregnant while caring for a toddler? Was it hard to carry the toddler around with your bump? And getting them in/out of crib?



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Old Oct 24th, 2017, 07:48 AM   7
Teri7489
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I didn't find it difficult, but as a nurse I was had worked til 38 weeks pregnant with my first. You find ways around it, and as your little one is 17 months now she may not be in a crib by the time you have a bigger bump. Even if she is you won't be having to lie her down it will be a case of putting her in standing and her then sitting or lying down herself. Again with other things, your lo will be at least 6 months older and a lot will have changed so you won't be doing the same as you are now. You can encourage them to do a bit more, find new ways to cuddle and get around. It all works x



 
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Old Oct 24th, 2017, 22:46 PM   8
sunnydee
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I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with a just turned 2 year old and finding it very difficult to do alot of things. I can't pick him up or carry him. Simple things like putting his shoes on and helping him with the potty are alot harder now too.
I guess it depends on how uncomfortable you are, I've had a pretty painful 3rd tri so it might just be me!



 
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Old Oct 25th, 2017, 01:24 AM   9
Berri
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There's 23mths between my first two which is an age gap I love!

In regards to the pregnancy I had no issue carrying #1 at any point (I'm 33wks with #3 and still carry my 3 and 5 yo's from time to time). We put #1 in a big boy bed a month before the baby came so he got used to it as the baby needed the cot.

It wasn't always easy but the benefit of having a toddler and a baby is that at least the toddler still napped in the afternoon so mama got some quiet time (I still remember feeling like superwoman the day I got them both napping at the same time!).

With a close age gap they now get on so well it makes me nervous that there will be almost 4yrs between #2 and #3 but you figure out your new routines pretty quickly (you don't have a choice)!



 
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Old Oct 25th, 2017, 13:34 PM   10
SarahBear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlight32 View Post
We are thinking about trying for a second. My daughter is 17 months. She just started sleeping on her own for bedtime/naps (I was rocking her to sleep before) and I'm opening up to the idea of a second child.

I'm nervous about being pregnant with a toddler. She's on the bigger side for her age (almost 30lb). Will I be able to hold/lift her while heavily pregnant? (I had a section with her).

And how do naps and bedtime work with two?!

Sorry if this sounds really silly.
Violet was 2 years 4 months when Leo was born. Leo was easy. Violet was more challenging. Besides the fact that I think she's probably more challenging than him in general, it seems like both my kids went through a somewhat needier phase around that age. The transition from 2 to 3 was also a bit of a challenge for Violet. As for picking up your kid while pregnant, it depends on you and what sort of shape you're in. Also, I stopped carrying Violet when I was pregnant. Either my husband carried her or she went into a stroller or she walked. Being pregnant while having a toddler is the easy part as long as your partner does their part of supporting you such as letting you sleep in once in a while. As for naps and bedtime, you will have to re-juggle and if it doesn't work, you'll need to re-juggle it again. You'll find a balance of something that works.. My husband is a stay-at-home dad and I don't remember how he handled nap time when I was gone, but when we were both there, we each took a kid. As for bedtime, again, we each took a kid. Now with the kids at just about 5 and 2 and a half, we alternate who gets which kid each night. They're starting to get to an age where they can get to sleep in the same room without keeping each other up. The biggest challenge of having a toddler and a baby was Violet's emotional and behavioral response to having a baby brother. She could be sweet at times, but also could have physical outbursts aimed at Leo. But now that we're past all that, I'm so glad to be done with the baby stage and have two kids close enough in age that they can enjoy playing together even if they are still at different developmental stages.



 
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