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Old Apr 21st, 2018, 08:33 AM   1
Mum (Mom)
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Bad touch?

So one of our domestic help is always extra cuddly with my 3yr old which I really don't appreciate.. my son also doesn't seem to be a fan.

Today she again did it and my son kind of smacked her. My husband got really angry and asked my son to apologise. I on the other hand thought that it's ok to react in this way as child might not b comfortable. And he should b able to express it and not force himself to be comfortable with it.

Now the help is obviously in a foul mood. Even my full-time nanny isn't too touchy with my son. I have told her to b watchful of the help and never leave my son around her for anytime. But honestly now I m scared

Did I do the right thing or just extrapolating it?

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Old Apr 21st, 2018, 10:59 AM   2
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I think youíre husband is right to ask your son to apologise, she obviously overstepped the mark and itís fine for your son not to want the attention but you need to teach him an appropriate way to say that he doesnít want to be cuddled all the time and teach him what to do in that situation. Also have a word with the woman and ask her to be more aware of his personal boundaries.

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Old Apr 21st, 2018, 11:56 AM   3
Mum (Mom)
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I think rainbows advice is very sound. It's not on for children to learn that they can hit just because they don't like something. Under the circumstances I wouldn't be too hard on him but asking him to apologise is reasonable. I would find a quiet moment to talk to him. Sympathise with how he feels but explain hitting is wrong and suggest an alternative like saying "I don't like that, let go of me". You can even practise with him saying it.

If it makes you uncomfortable definitely have a word with her and explain he doesn't like being cuddled by her. She probably thinks she is just being nice. It's the kind of thing that varies a lot between cultures and families. Some people are naturally much more open and warm. She won't know you find it inappropriate unless you tell her.

Of course if their was behaviour that you actually thought was creepy or abusive then I would fire her but it seems like it is just a personal difference/misunderstanding in boundaries.

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Old Apr 22nd, 2018, 03:04 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
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Maybe playing devil's advocate here, but how long has she been doing it? If he's been uncomfortable for a while he has maybe just resorted to hitting out as no one has noticed how he has been feeling for a while and said anything. It's not nice for him to hit out of course but as an adult if I was repeatedly touched/cuddled by a person I'd do the same. As pp said she's maybe not aware that it's not appropriate but at the same time, it needs to be addressed as it's not fair to your son. Hopefully you can sort it all out gently enough so that everyone is happy x

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Old Apr 23rd, 2018, 23:42 PM   5
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I just don’t understand why you don’t have a conversation with your son about how he feels sboyt this woman & her touching. Then make an adult decision to speak to her. What was she doing as he’s obviously uncomfortable cuddling with her and what does she expect to happen if he keeps giving her signs that he’s uncomfortable with her touching. I’d terminate her if you’re not comfortable with her answers. You call her ‘the help’ so surely she’s not his nanny and not a care giver to him? So enforce boundaries and protect your son. It might go like this: I’ve noticed that my son feels akward around people other than (be specific myself, my husband, our nanny) snuggling him. I would appreciate if you focus on ...
Your husband is not sensitive enough to see the big picture. Don’t let him smother the natural protective instincts out if your boy. children are born with these instincts until we take them away.
If in your conversation you realise there was no need for your boy to smack ‘the help’ then I hope you can offer him some better choices on treating your staff kindly.

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